Archive of entries posted on 21st December 2011

Nuke the News: Part of Our Charity Is Letting Obama Keep His Job

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* So there’s a big congressional fight over this measly payroll tax cut. I like tax cuts, but considering the straights we’re in, this a big useless thing to be spending a lot of time on. If you needed further proof that Obama is an unserious person, it’s that he’s trying to draw the line on this — a two month extension of piddling. It probably does help with some job creation by reducing cost per employee, but come on: After all these years, this is the best Obama has right now? I feel like we’re scrounging around for table scraps. And why doesn’t Obama want to pass the House bill that would extend it for the whole year? Because it would force him to build the Keystone pipeline and ::gasp:: create more jobs.

Obama is absolutely useless. Why aren’t the Republicans constantly chanting that fact?

* Obama says he is the fourth most accomplished president. The presidents ahead of him by his estimation? Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, and President Logan from 24.

* Obama has had a bounce in the polls recently which people think comes from the economic news of unemployment falling. Of course, that’s happened because people have given up hope of finding jobs and have stopped looking for work thus removing themselves from the unemployment statistic. So Obama used to like hope, but despair works better for him these days.

* Who is the most charitable nation? The U.S.! And it’s not just on account of us being richest as lots of other rich nations didn’t make the list. Of course, there’s lots of people who want to end charity by taking the money we could be giving and having the government distribute it. In really socialist nations, people don’t know charity because helping others is supposed to be the government’s job so we don’t have to worry about it. No wonder then two of the least charitable nations — China and Russia — are Communist and former Communist.

* About a third of the world identifies as Christian. The Romans had experience with a lot of religious movements, but they found most of them blew over when the leader was killed. Christianity… not so much.

* Here’s the trailer for the new Rainbow Six game. You may notice something topical about the politics of the terrorists:

It almost seems like they’re supposed to be Occupy Wall Street, but then again they’re middle-aged and not a bunch of college kids, they’re wearing suits, seem to have a knack for organization, and are racially diverse.

Still, I’m holding out hopes for a level where you shotgun hippies.

Random Thoughts

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So is the Dark Knight going to be all about how it’s wrong for a billionaire to run around in a costume punching poor people? Last thing I want is another left-wing, morality trip.

Filled out a survey and it took me a second to remember to answer “Yes” to “Are you a parent?” It was a survey on playing Legend of Zelda.

There’s this Club Nintendo thing where I can answer surveys on games and get coins towards free 3DS game downloads. I’m an adult.

Early complaints I’m hearing about the Dark Knight movie is that Bane speech sounds garbled and is hard to understand. Based on Rick Perry?

In some countries, a “Man Bites Dog” story is a restaurant review.

To whom did we compare people we had disagreements with before Hitler?

I know this lyric criticism is a little late, Weird Al, but I’ve never heard of kids starving in Japan. Don’t know what else you could rhyme with “bran”, though.

So for Star Wars the Old Republic, I pay $60 for the game and another $15 a month to be able to play it? That doesn’t sound insane to some people? I’m one of the most avid gamers there are, yet I can’t imagine how more than handful of people pay these monthly fee to play one game. If it were a buck a month, maybe. And will this paradigm last when competing against iOS games where $6 is expensive? Maybe it’s just I’ve never tried an MMORPG other than Diablo one and two (free to play online).

It hard to associate the bad guys in that Rainbow Six trailer with OWS because they’re wearing suits and are racially diverse.

Tell me that in the training level you get to pepper spray unarmed hippies.

Why doesn’t someone just make a game called “Hippie Puncher”?

I’m not sure I’m liking this new “controversial video game” fad. Next we’ll be launching angry birds at illegal immigrants.

I don’t understand the mentality that adding walnuts to cookies or brownies does anything other than ruin them.

Is your Obama tree properly decorated?

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Students of history agree: the upcoming celebration doesn’t accurately reflect the birthday of the person being celebrated. This holiday has traditions that go back far beyond the birth of the One who is worshiped by many. But, over the years, the two celebrations became intertwined. There is no actual physical proof of the circumstances of birth of the child, but there are documents and writings from around the time. Though their authenticity is questioned by some, we have enough evidence from other sources to establish an approximate date and location of the birth of the one worshiped by His followers.

So, despite Barack Obama being born August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, the trees are trimmed with decorations celebrating Him during this holiday season.

What?

Christmas tree? What Christmas tree?

Oh, that thing in front of the U.S. Capitol? Yeah, some people still call it by that archaic name, but we can’t have anything related to this “Christ” person, because of the Separation of Church and State that’s in the Constitution, so…

What?

Oh, it’s in there. Somewhere. Let me look.

Okay, it’s not in the first seven articles. Maybe it’s in one of the amendments. Ah, here it is.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…

See? Oh, wait. It goes on.

…or prohibiting the free exercise thereof

Well, that’s not it. But everybody knows it’s in there, even if nobody can find it. And, as a result, we can’t have a tree that celebrates this Jesus person.

But, the Constitution doesn’t say we can’t celebrate Obama. In fact, it says we have to. I think that’s in the Commerce Clause or something. Or maybe it’s in the Right to Privacy section. But it’s got to be in there.

So, in celebration of Barack Hussein Obama, we urge you to take that tree you have in your house and get rid of anything that has a Jesus implication. Like Angels. Except Albert Pujols. You can keep him.

And watch that Santa stuff. We don’t want children getting the idea that Santa brings them things, when everyone knows Obama is responsible for the stuff you have. He lets you keep some things, and we are beholden to him for that. So don’t confuse the kiddies with that silly Santa nonsense.

We know that some traditions die hard. So, if you want to have something from that Bible book on it, maybe something from Psalms. Number 19 would be good:

The decrees of the LORD are firm, and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold

See, that could apply to Obama, so it would be okay. But, you got to be careful. You don’t want people reading something into it and get the idea that there could be worship going on. Unless it’s worshiping Obama, which is good. And right. And required.

What if you don’t have a tree? Because you’re a Jew or a Muslim or a Jehovah’s Witness or an atheist or a Pastafarian or something else? Simple. Go get one. Gaia won’t mind you cutting down a tree for something as important as Obama. And put up your Obama tree. Like the U.S. Capitol did.

And, be sure to have ornaments that actually mention Obama. But not Jesus.

We don’t want to forget the reason for the season.