It’s been a while since I’ve felt excited about a politician. They’re all bad in their own ways, and I always end up voting for whomever I just consider the least worst.
But not this year.
IMAO is very excited to announce our endorsement of the conservative future of the Republican Party and our country: Mitt Romney.
Every Republican presidential candidate has been a bit of a compromise for conservatives. Even Ronald Reagan was never quite what we hoped (why did he just let the Soviet Union just die out instead of invading their homeland Red Dawn style — Red, White, and Blue Dawn, I guess?). But Mitt Romney is exactly the forceful, committed conservative we’ve always wanted. And we know there’s no chance of him drifting leftward over time because he’s already been through that phase. He’s like a robot programmed by conservatives — but with no three laws of robotics to hold him back from harming liberals.
In fact, we here at IMAO are so excited about Romney that we’ve changed our logo to reflect our enthusiasm. We hope to keep it that way for the next eight years.
So we hope you’ll all join us in supporting Mitt with all the energy we can muster. If we want America to catch conservatism, we’re going to need a Mitt.
Ha! I just thought of that!
Frank, Mitt called. He wants you to spearhead a retroactive humor campaign to be more appealing to independents and men. Suggest starting with the dog on the top of the car thing.
Who are you, and what have you done with Frank?
I LOVE this article – Happy April Fools Day to you too!
Ken – Don’t go making crazy assumptions. I’m sure he meant to post this on March 31st. He only missed by a couple minutes.
I’ll go let him know to fix the time stamp so people aren’t confused.
April Fool’s Day always leaves me feeling so used and confused. It has become my least favorite holiday. Have Frank to wipe it off the map, Harvey!
Just keep in mind when ever voting for the lesser of two evils that your choice is still evil.
The best part was the way you said it with a straight face.
Have you been practicing?
I was going to comment about this but I got distracted by Michelle Obama’s wonky eye in that creepy “Join Michelle and Tell Barack You’re In!” banner ad. What is she doing, auditioning to play Sloth in “The Goonies” remake?
Romney Moon, eh?
So what’s his stance on werewolves?
All fours?
Biped?
Do they have to produce photo IDs at the polls?
SG – Well, I heard that as Governor, he was on Team Jacob, but on the campaign trail, he won’t apologize for it. He just says he’s against a national Team Jacob.
John Boehner called. He mumbled that when he discovered that you posted this on April Fool’s Day and that it wasn’t a real endorsement of his fellow establishment good ol’ boy…umm, er, I mean his choice for Republican presidential candidate, that he was sitting down with several other Republican members of congress to write a letter to you expressing their displeasure with your actions. So, pretty much his same thoughtful and effective game plan from when the Bailout, Stimulus and Healthcare were all rammed down our throats.
@ Harvey,
Lol…but, I picture him as being more of a Team Edward kinda guy. Jacob looks too much like one of the gardeners at one of his mansions.
Eh, he’ll probably go full Team Edward AFTER he’s locked up the nomination
I don’t think this is an April Fool’s Day prank, either. Frank loves Romney – has ever since he made those YouTube’s about him in 2007-2008.
Hey! Bring those puppies back!!
First off, I like your line better than mine – “Grab your Mitt and let’s play ball!”
Second, I got behind Romney about five months ago. The more I learned about him, the more I liked him. Later, I realized that, in the aggregate, he was the best Republican candidate in at least the last half century, exceeding all others in experience, accomplishments, and plain old decency, not to mention that he’s more conservative and smarter. And Except for Reagan, Mitt speaks better and is better looking as well.
Third there was the baseless criticism of the lunatic right, you know who I mean, the bigots, the idiots, and the Ron Paul supporters… But I mean that Paul thing in the nicest way. I mean, he’s the least nuts of everyone who likes him… assuming he does, of course. But anyway, we actually owe these fringe groups a debt of gratitude. From answering their often insane charges, I found that nothing Romney was being accused of had any legitimacy.
For example, Romney-care was nothing at all like Obamacareless – or Demoncare as I prefer to call it. Mass. is one of fifty “laboratories,” or 57 if you’re Heinz or Obama, and as such, States can and should try things. I defended Romney then as I am now, and luckily, I don’t live in Massachusetts. But that’s the point – if you do, and you don’t like Romney-care, MOVE!
The federal government, on the other hand, has no right to impose a program of that nature on us, simply because there’s nowhere to hide, and the fact that it’s unproven as well? Well, I had to read War and Peace, but I sure ain’t gonna read 2700 pages of crap to find out what’s in it.
Finally, but of most importance, is the main thing that differentiates Romney-care from Obamacare – Mitt’s not for Obamacare. There’s no gettiin’ around that. Oh you can argue he should be, but you can only do it today – because it’s April Fools.
So sure, April 1 is not exactly a great day to do endorsements but if it’s a joke, that doesn’t make Mitt the fool there either. My feeling is that Mitt and only Mitt can stand on the threshold of becoming our greatest President ever should he succeed in winning a game in which it’s all on the line and were down ten runs, and the Chicago Rats are batting with two outs and the bases still loaded in the TOP of the ninth… God help the United States of America.
When I heard you’d endorsed Romney it was like learning that a respected and trusted pastor was shacking up with the town whore. So disappointing. I can only hope that this is an April Food joke and an appropriate one too as Romney is a fool.
For my part, I will choose Romney over Obama ONLY because at least one SCOTUS judge will die/retire before 2016, and our country can NOT afford to let Obama pick the replacements.
Ditto for any R currently in the race if it’s not Romney. I don’t trust any of them, but…
But can Romney be counted upon to select a good SCOTUS judge? His judicial picks while governor of MA weren’t encouraging.