A Guest Post by Jimmy [High Praise!]
Science is remarkable and scientists are even more remarkable. For example, just recently, scientists have figured out how to identify a bat by its sound. An article on Gizmag has everything you might want to know about it. For example:
“Everyone knows that it’s possible to identify different species of birds by their vocalizations, but did you know that it’s also possible to differentiate between different types of bats based on their echolocation calls? Well, now you do…”
Holy socks! Until now, I didn’t know I would know this! Go ahead, read the whole thing and then see if you’re like me…
Which got me to thinking. How do we aurally identify common Progressives? I speculate as follows:
Person – Type of speech
* Barack Obama – Ghetto pulpit drawl
* Joe Biden – Barber shop slang
* Nancy Pelosi – Botox nasal twang
* Harry Reid – Soft cowboy longings
* Barney Frank – Boyish lisp with something in his mouth
I should stop there because I just KNOW you have more to add!
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[Harvey adds]
* Chris Matthews – 440Hz leg tingle
* Sandra Fluke – birth control pill rattle
* Hillary Clinton – broom swoosh/black cat yowl
* Bill Clinton – light scraping, like a tobacco leaf on skin
* Al Gore – boiling ocean burble
Forget Hil’s voice. Did you see her dance moves in South Africa? I never thought I’d see anything more awkward than Tom Brady and Bob Kraft’s moves at the first Patriot Super Bowl Victory Parade, but she managed to out-white them.
Michael Moore – stuffed mouth mumbling
Joy Behar – glass breaking shrill
Rosie Odonnel – IQ dropping ching chong
Ted Kennedy – slurping from a gin bottle
Chris Dodd – choppy authoritarian barking
Barbara Walters – bawawawawawa
Rosie O’Donnell – dreaded mother-in-law
Tom Brokaw – dying chainsaw stuck in a log
John Edwards – a silky whinny
Joe Biden – used car salesman patter followed by the sound of an entire audience doing a facepalm followed by a rimshot.
Harry Reid
Whoppi Goldberg – low wind chimes in blowing smoke
Sarah Silverman – overgrown münchkin phenoms
Debbie Wasserman Schültz – untuned viola (or your dreaded liberal sister)
Jesse Jackson – bowel sounds
James Carvel – Dueling Banjoes
Al Gore – snoring inerupted with an occasional snort
Al Sharpton – unending string of Spoonerisms
Henry Waxman-strangling on “Phantom of the Opera” gauze voice…
Maxine Waters-stuffy nose articulation from bank drafts…
Nancy Pelosi-Mind on vacation and mouth working overtime…
Elizabeth Warren-Speaks with forked tongue…
Barack Obama- Zelig vocal patter (whoever I speak to, that’s who I become!)…
Joe Biden- “Doh!” syndrom…
I never thought of identifying liberals by the sound of their voices, I always recognized them by their smell, reminiscent of white-washed sepulchers.
Silhouettes work also, mostly Rat, Chunky Sexually Ambiguous Rat and Big Eared Beanpole Rat.
Nurse Michael Bloomberg: the man who talks like he has a paper a$$hole.