Reboots are all the rage.
There was the Star Trek movie. They’re planning more. Oh, and CBS has a new version of Hawaii Five-0, which has had two seasons so far with more to come. Former CBS show Dallas is a continuation, rather than a reboot. Sci-Fi (now Syfy) did a reboot of Battlestar Galactica …
You get the point. The list goes on.
Well, words comes that they’re bringing back another TV show. A new version of The Brady Bunch is in the works. Like Dallas, it’s a continuation rather than a reboot.
Well, the new election season is upon us. What are we going up put on the schedule?
Democrats want a continuation: the same annoying characters and a lot of tired callbacks to the original series.
Republicans want to completely redo the story line. This time with the pasty RINO white guy winning, taking us on completely new adventures.
But that’s reality. That’s boring.
Harvey and I were talking about this, and here’s what we want to know: if you were directing this reboot, how would you do it?
Dark & gritty? Lots of Michael Bay explosions? Oodles of J.J.Abrams lens-flares?
Give us what you got. It’s time to rescue this franchise.
Gritty reboot. The Bradies live in a liberal neighborhood, and the neighbors feel their household with a mother and father is a mockery of their beliefs. They are under daily physical attack from the party of tolerance. Of the shows currently on TV, it would most resemble Walking Dead.
Donate to democrat senate candidate Mark Clayton’s campaign. Before you get worked up read about Mark Clayton. It could be a real hoot if he’s competitive.
http://www.towleroad.com/2012/08/mark-clayton-anti-gay-lunatic-gets-democratic-senate-nomination.html
As long as it isn’t a Woody Allen version of blended family relationships.
– All Female character would have super-model good looks, while the men would be average to above average
-Main focus will be on the incredibly simplistic relationships between the characters
-The Parents will be much more annoying, and appear for no apparent reason in scenes they really shouldn’t be in
– There will be massive nuclear explosions in the background for some vague reason
– Common household appliances will be replaced with overly complicated CGI versions of themselves
– One of them will be gay, because gays are everywhere, despite only making up around 3-5% of the total population
– Barack Obama will make a guest appearance after he’s voted out of office, starting a lackluster career as a B-movie actor
Hollyweird is completely predictable. I’m fully expecting to see the following:
* Laverne & Shirley reboot: Lesbian couple Laverne and Shirley share hi-jinks with their annoying yet lovable gay friends, couple Lenny & Squiggy.
* Three’s Company reboot: A bi-sexual (Chrissy) lives with both her girlfriend AND her boyfriend. Meanwhile, their bigoted Republican landlord doesn’t approve.
* Eight Is Enough reboot: A bumbling Mormon man and his seven wives.
* Diff’rent Strokes reboot: A gay white man struggles to raise two black orphans, however, his bigoted conservative neighbors disapprove.
* All In The Family reboot: Hilarity ensues when an incestuous family struggles with bigoted conservatives who won’t accept their “kind” of love.
* Welcome Back Kotter reboot: An ignorant conservative Christian teacher arrives at an inner-city school and is schooled by smart, liberal students of many races and sexual orientations.
* Mork & Mindy reboot: A black alien arrives at Mindy’s door, and kind, liberal Mindy must teach him about the bigoted and hateful conservatives that live on Earth.
* 21 Jump Street reboot: Johnny Depp goes undercover in a high school as a gay candy maker.
* Doogie Howser, MD reboot: Doogie Howser is a 16 year-old doctor, and he’s gay. Each episode patients and conservative doctors learn lessons of “tolerance” after questioning Doogie’s medical abilities and being too quick to judge his sexually promiscuous gay lifestyle.
* The Facts of Life reboot: Eastland School housemother Edna Garrett struggles with the problems of mentoring an HIV-positive lesbian, a Hispanic prostitute, a bigoted white conservative girl, a constantly-offended street-talking black character with no discernible talent, and a disabled Asian girl in a wheelchair.
* Cagney & Lacey reboot: Two female police officers who are also a lesbian couple. They fight to keep the streets safe…and for gay rights.
Cyborg Cheney vs a Sparkley vampire running for the democrats.
Constitutional Amendment – Once every 100 years anyone that has ever held elected office at any level is no longer eligible for elected office at any level. Complete reboot of Federal, State & Local governments.
If you’re talking about a reboot of the Brady Bunch, I’d reboot it back to the future.
Say, about 100 years from now.
If I were directing “U.S.A.: the reboot?” Ok, it’s a zany comedy with a touch of tragedy where a crazy dark-horse former anti-Semite gynecologist with a vaguely porn-star sounding name and totally nutty obscure-Gandhi-quote-spewing followers sweeps a divided election and attempts to carry out his plan to remove a cornerstone of the modern financial sector, triggering the debt meltdown everybody’s afraid of and nobody’s talking about and a Heinlein-esque moon colony (TANSTAAFL!) emerges right on earth(!) with a “I beat the apocalypse and all I got was this t-shirt I had to pay for” flavor to it.
Of course, the storyline is too unbelievable for effective fiction…. to the point that I don’t blame you in the slightest if you accuse me of “trolling” for even proposing it…
This article started out really fun. Then I realized it didn’t say “Robots” in the title.
Sigh.
La Longue Carabine:
You can have robots in your reboot.
I don’t know if this would be that dark and gritty, but I’d make it Romney for the win and I’d cast Fred Thompson as Vice President, and probably Donald Rumsfeild as Secretary of State. And nuclear hand grenades would be our diplomatic tool of choice, but I guess it would be kind of funny if they were randomly disguised as “Reset buttons” every once in a while. And every so often, at night, Romney would disappear, and a Batman like superhero would appear and beat up hippies and other people who believed in idiotic things with his fists, or maybe modified boomerang/ninja fighting star things.
Of course, the mysterious and unidentifiable Rumsfield Strangler would reappear, but he might be a cyborg. And in the exiting climax, Fred Thompson would punch Iran into the sun, and if I could work it in, North Korea, too.
USA: The Gritty Reboot
1st act: Muskets to the junk.
2nd act: ???
3rd act: Profit!