Being an identical twin sounds fun until you find out they get into those “I’m the real Dave — shoot him!” scenarios like three times a week

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) September 25, 2012

FLASH: Elizabeth Warren to star in remake of “Passenger 57”: “Always bet on red!” #caring

— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) September 25, 2012

Whether a citizen torches the Quran or deems it the final revelation of God’s word is a matter of complete indifference to the government.

— Brian Stewart (@bstewart1776) September 25, 2012

1. Apologize 2. ??? 3. Prophet!

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 25, 2012

I made up a family game where we take turns making fun of the homely little girl that my son has a crush on.

— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) September 25, 2012