58 Comments

  1. … okay, where’s the remote?
    … I’m still waiting to get into the obamacare website.
    … The last thing I remember is I was watching Joe Biden give a speech.
    Stop nagging me! I do NOT need to stop and ask directions.

  2. “I know everything hasn’t been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it’s going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. “

  3. After 31 months Europe’s comet-chasing spacecraft came out of hibernation and sent a message home. It was…

    …That’s no moon, It’s a space station

    …You’re all clear, kid! Now let’s blow this thing and go home!

    …I’ve conjured up the stolen data tapes.

    …I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.

  4. “Up to 85% of Cialis & Viagra!”
    “Hello! My name is Prince Zoornax of the Planet Nigirion 8. I have $3,000,000.00 I need to move off planet quietly, but…”
    “Special Order 937 Active”

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