I don't want a car that gets more than 60 miles per gallon, I want a government that gets more than 3 hours per billion.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) February 18, 2014

White House: Don't listen to the CBO. We prefer the economists who said the stimulus would give us 5% unemployment by 2014.

— Political Math (@politicalmath) February 18, 2014

First off, I didn't "burn down" your tree house. I cut down the tree and the house happened to fall into a fire I set separately.

— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) February 18, 2014

Saw a guy in an electric wheelchair try to cross a flooded street and my Oregon Trail experience told me he was about to lose his supplies

— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) February 19, 2014