37 Comments

  1. The dreadful secret that President Obama has kept for years…

    Mick Jagger or Warren Beatty.

    Colossally BIG NASCAR fanatic.

    dog is Indonesian slang for human.

    voted for Romney.

    married Michelle to pay off a drunken college bet.

    is half white.

  2. The dreadful secret that President Obama has kept for years…

    actually shot J.R.

    killed Laura Palmer.

    was the second rifle on the grassy knoll.

    is the mysterious “one armed” man.

    person responsible for replacing regular coffee with Folger’s crystals.

  3. The dreadful secret that President Obama has kept for years…

    still can’t tell the difference between Clark Kent and Superman.

    always wanted to be Aquaman.

    Goldwater Republican, just like Hillary.

  4. The dreadful secret that President Obama has kept for years…

    His DNA isn’t in the same zip code with Barry Sr or the dour sisters.

    He has fake birth certificates from 56 other states, just in case.

  5. . . . he is married to a Klingon – no, wait, we knew about that one …

    . . . he was born a Kenyan and raised a Muslim – nope, that’s no secret, it’s right in his autobiography and college application …

    . . . you can’t keep your doctor – wait, everybody knows that was a deliberate lie …

    . . . Benghazi wasn’t caused by a disrespectful video – hang on, we knew that …

    . . . he holds Christians in contempt – nope, not a secret, either …

    . . . Iran’s break-out time is, like, two months ago – cat’s outta the bag on that one, too …

    . . . he smokes cigarettes at the White House – sorry, Mr. Stealth-Smoke, we all knew that …

    . . . he hates America – well, DUH …

    . . . he is a race-baiting clown – like anybody doesn’t know that …

    . . . I got nothin’ – he really is the most transparent president ever!

  6. The dreadful secret that President Obama has kept for years…

    …He is a mole, planted by the Muslim Brotherhood and skillfully moved into his present position in order to take down America. (I have said for years that Tom Clancy would write such a novel exactly the way Obama’s “come from nowhere and bankrupt the U.S.A.” story has unfolded)

  7. …Biden is really the smarter of the two. Obama just reads the teleprompter better.

    …He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He thinks the bearded fat man dressed in red is actually Karl Marx redistributing rich kids’ toys to all the world’s poor kids every winter solstice.

  8. …jumped on the bandwagon early, but mis-heard it as trannies getting silicone injections in their ears.

    …he has asterisks added to “that line in my family ‘Good Book’, He is risen” every time he gets out of bed.

    …all those White House trespassers are actually failed escape attempts.

  9. @19 Crabby

    Thanks, I needed that good laugh

    The dreadful secret that President Obama has kept for years…
    … shaken, not stirred.
    … he can’t wait to move to Colorado and start his own ganja farm.

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