[A Guest Post from Hitch] [High Praise!]

To whom it may concern:

We at The Planned Parenthood Action Fund (PPACT) are taking this opportunity to address allegations that have recently come to light, albeit in a heavily edited video. Regardless of how this information became public, there are issues at hand here that we do not take lightly.

First, during the video (which we are still trying to corroborate, due to the incredibly heavy amount of editing) Dr. Deborah Nucatola was observed eating a salad with grilled chicken and red wine. Further investigation has determined that the salad was not organic, and the chicken was not certified free-range and cruelty-free. To represent the organization in public while forsaking these core PPACT values is something we do not take lightly.

As a result, effective Monday July 20th, Dr. Nucatola has been suspended (with pay) for five days. (Also, a Sauvignon Blanc would have been a more appropriate choice to accompany the salad.)

Sincerely,
Your friends at PPACT

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UPDATE – *sigh*… turns out this wasn’t too far from the actual apology.