Loyal Moon Nuker HCG [High Praise!] suggested I revive Frank’s old “Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths” category for the new election season.
I gave it a shot, but I just couldn’t create a decent algorithm in my head for churning these out, so I’m not going make a series out of it.
But I came up with two. So maybe if you guys feel inspired, you can try to do better in the comments.
Hillary has never been able to walk through a remodeling project without stealing the “wet paint” signs.
Hillary doesn’t have time for your debates, as she’s too busy gathering her forces in Mordor.
Your turn…
Hillary Clinton could cure cancer, but she can’t bring herself to make Chuck Norris cry.
Hillary Clinton once, to fake an orgasm, killed Mr. Bill and stole his face.
Hillary Clinton gives candy to Planned Parenthood on Halloween so she can later steal a baby from candy.
Hillary Clinton is willing to prove that she’s not a robot, and that she’s real human being. But you have to elect her first to find out what’s inside of her.
The greatest trick Hillary Clinton ever pulled as secretary of state was convincing the world that Benghazi never existed.
Hillary Clinton did wipe her email server with a cloth, to destroy her fingerprints.
Hillary Clinton once exchanged 19,514 emails about the silverware pattern at Chelsea’s wedding with a Syrian metalsmith. These were personal messages, and nobody has any business looking at them, you perverts.
Hillary Clinton never received any emails labeled top secret on her personal server. She did, however, receive 43 bottom secret emails — two of the latter were joke emails, mistakenly forwarded to her from Bill.
Should you ever be caught lying, the Secretary of State will disavow any knowledge of your actions. Good luck, Hillary. This hard drive will self-destruct in five seconds.
Napalm loves the sulfur-like smell of Hillary Clinton in the morning.
Hillary Clinton’s biggest campaign donors were sorted to the house of Slytherin.
Hilary RODHAM Clinton. Rodham, from the olde English Roadham, which translates as one who makes a living selling roadkill to pilgrims.
Little known fact, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf modeled his public persona on Hillary Clinton campaigning for Bill.
If you can’t follow Hillary’s thinking, don’t feel bad. She sees herself as following a path of logic. But what we hear is pathological.
If Hillary has a 50-50 chance of telling the truth, her odds are 99-1 against that she will.
Hillary tried to show she was a friendly grandma at heart by baking gingerbread, which she used to build her house in the woods.
How can you tell when Hillary Clinton is telling the truth? Her nose gets bigger.
Hillary did in fact send reinforcements to Benghazi, we have just been wrongly assuming which side she’s on.
Hillary has a very good chance of being elected President of the United States. That’s the most terrible truth any of us can imagine
Hillary commits micro-aggressions on her political enemies, their families, and their home towns. And by “micro-aggressions,” I mean “genocide.”
Hillary used the Eye of Sauron as a cake-topper at her wedding.
Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Mt. Everest so he could get as high and far away from the Child Hillary as possible. That’s also why Neil Armstrong later went to the Moon
@john1v6
The Eye of Sauron filled with despair when it foolishly gazed the cold dead eyes of Hillary Clinton.