Straight Line of the Day: Recently Stolen from a Top Secret Pentagon Research Laboratory…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Recently stolen from a top secret Pentagon research laboratory

54 Comments

  1. Recently stolen from a top secret Pentagon research laboratory…

    my lunch from the department fridge. Whoever is doing it, I will hunt you down, I will find you and I will kill you.

  2. Recently stolen from a top secret Pentagon research laboratory…

    a small piece of paper with this written on it

    Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

    I shan’t translate.

  3. the instructions for making Ice-Nine.

    Bill Clinton’s little black book (many of the pages are stuck together).

    a crossword puzzle on which Joe Biden was stumped on a three-letter word with the clue “feline pet”.

    a CD/ROM with the Pictures folder from Anthony Weiner’s PC on it.

    a hard drive with a file listing all of Hillary Clinton’s health problems (the file didn’t fit on a CD/ROM).

  4. Recently stolen from a top secret Pentagon research laboratory…

    …the real ingredient in the “mystery meat” that is served in the cafeteria.

    …the lyrics to Louie, Louie.

    …the C.O. Jones of the republican congressmen. It was a very small box.

  5. Re: #2
    With that, could they — dare I say it? — Rule The World?

    .

    That’s an inspiration for a new nickname for Nancy Pelosi:

    Nancy “Reciting-The-Words-To-Louie-Louie” Pelosi

  6. Build-A-Bear ‘Pay Your Age’ Offer Abandoned Amid “Chaos”
    BBC | July 12, 2018

    A cheap teddy offer which left shoppers with young children queuing for up to eight hours amid chaotic scenes has been abandoned over “safety concerns”.

    Build-A-Bear Workshop was offering UK customers a chance to buy any bear, which can cost up to £52, for the price of their child’s age.

    At Leeds’ White Rose Shopping Centre police were called when queues of “about a mile long” formed.

    The company said the response had been “overwhelming and unprecedented”.

    There have also been reports of long queues in US shopping centres, where the American company was also putting on the same promotion on Thursday.

    .

    It had to be a top-secret Pentagon plan, because no one ever falls prey to unforeseen consequences, right?

    And bears = Russians!!

    [Next headline: “Meuller Hires More Investigators To Look Into Winnie-The-PutinGate.”]

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