63 Comments

  1. Joe Biden said that one of the first things he plans to do as President is…

    well I’m not saying it involves some Alien hair sniffin’ but… it involves some Alien hair sniffin’.

  2. Joe Biden said that one of the first things he plans to do as President is…

    that thing he promised to do, you know, it, umm, involves stuff that President’s do. You know, it was just on the tip of my tongue…

  3. Joe Biden said that one of the first things he plans to do as President is…

    …enjoy a hot beverage that he thinks is coffee but the White House secretly switched it with Folgers Crystals.

    …go for the schnitzengruben record of fifteen.

  4. … sharpen his Crayolas.
    … try to persuade the IOC to add senior serial groping as an Olympic event.
    … ask American Express to raise his credit limit to a four figure amount.
    … look in the Yellow Pages under “Unqualified Progressive Nutcases” to get a list of potential Supreme Court nominees.
    … congratulate Bernie Sanders on his victory.
    … continue his quest to find the corner of the room in the Oval Office.

  5. …demand that all female Secret Service agents grow some hair on them useless bald heads.

    …declare war, on the economy.

    …ask Monica Lewinsky to start using Head And Shoulders.

    …award his pharmacist the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

    …begin covering up the collusion with Russia, Iran, China and North Korea.

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