Per c64wood:
Straight Line of the Day: Edward Snowden wants to come home because…
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… that’s where all the best leakers are…
…because of where E.T. is trying to stick that finger of his.
Of course I could say it the Odobenidae way…
I’m not saying it’s alien rectal probes…. but it’s alien rectal probes.
…baby, it’s cold outside.
He WAS cold. Yossarian I got the wrong Snowden?
What’s the catch?
…his mom is tried taking in the mail and feeding the cat everyday.
…he’s got a 50/50 shot at winning the democrat nomination.
…he heard you should keep your enemies closer.
…he met this hot chick online named Chelsea.
… he would get more responses on the Russian bride websites if he was in America.
…he can’t get a Harumph in Russia.
…free healthcare isn’t that great after all.
… Boris and Natasha sent him a Candygram
being greeted with иди к чёрту! wasn’t the honor he had been lead to believe it was.
he is afraid he will be drafted into the Russian army.
Bad pennies always turn up.
… he left his smartphone in there and he just can’t even without it.
…he wanted to pose in person for the bronze statue honoring the town’s favorite son, whistle blower, to be erected in Elizabeth City NC.
…to be inducted into the Whistleblower Hall of Fame.
The Pravda is just no substitute for Charmin.
He left the stove on.
…he reached the liberal man code minimum for a change of socks and underwear.
Edward Snowden wants to come home because…
…He’s sick of Borsche!