Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden? What Could We Possibly Ask Him That We Don’t Already Know?

Biden Caves: “I Would Obey Any Subpoena That Was Sent to Me” for Trump Impeachment Trial
Gateway Pundit | Dec 28, 2019

Tough-talking Joe Biden, the former vice president leading the race for the Democrat’s presidential nomination, reversed his defiant stance from just 24 hours ago that he would defy any subpoena issued by the Senate to compel his testimony in President Trump’s looming impeachment trial, telling a Fairfield, Iowa, audience Saturday night, “I would obey any subpoena that was sent to me.”

Straight Line of the Day: Joe Biden? What could we possibly ask him that we don’t already know?


SCOTUS Nightmare

Now word is that Joe Biden would nominate Barack Obama to the Supreme Court if he’s elected president.

Ain’t that a helluva way to start the week, with that bit of nonsense? Imagine the president with the most Supreme Court losses sitting on that body.

Just when you thought Democrats couldn’t get any worse, they suggest something like this.

I assume no one is wondering why I swore off of voting for Democrats many many years ago.

IMAO Time Machine: IMAO Podcast #12 8-15-05

The 12th podcast, from 2005. — The Editors


  1. Left-Wing Superheroes (Part 1)
  2. Introduction & sponsors
  3. Left-Wing Superheroes (Part 2)
  4. “World of Knowledge” w/ host Frank J: Aquaman
  5. Harvey: Fun Facts about Idaho Part 1
  6. Spacemonkey: My Superpower
  7. Harvey: Fun Facts about Idaho Part 2
  8. Right Wing Duck: My Superpower
  9. “Ask Ducky” with guest host Spacemonkey
  10. Laurence Simon: My Superpower
  11. SarahK: She Blonded Me With Science
  12. Harvey: My Superpower
  13. Laurence Simon’s Crappy Bedtime Stories: The Tortoise and the Hare
  14. Frank J: My Superpower
  15. Buck the Marine: Batman
  16. Spacemonkey: American Monkey
  17. SarahK: My Superpower
  18. Left-Wing Superheroes (Part 3)
  19. SarahK reviews Toby Keith’s Big Throwdown Tour #2
  20. Left-Wing Superheroes (Part 4)
  21. Frank: Conclusion

Note: Due to an error in editing down my Fun Facts material, former producer Scott cut out the line that I used as a callback during my epilogue. Here it is for reference:

“Idaho law forbids children from deliberately stepping on ants. The kids don’t mind too much, however, since pistol-whipping them is still legal.”


If you are able to assist Harvey during this time, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

Learn To Cod

FormerHostage posted this suggestion for liberals: “Learn to cod.”

Which got me wondering:

Are there any life skills at all liberals are qualified for?

  • Telling bears that they are sexist & homosapienphobic?

  • Starting a fire by rubbing dialectics together?

  • Catching water in a non-exclusionary sieve?

  • Eating all plants and berries they find, to celebrate diversity?

  • Welcoming drifters into their tent for the night?

  • Not burning wood to keep warm / not eating other creatures to keep alive?

  • Asking women to go up against predators as often as men?

  • Not cutting down twigs to —- Augggh! BEAR!


Yet Another Useful Prediction

From 2004.

Heh. (Bold highlighting is mine.)

Now the Pentagon Tells Bush: Climate Change Will Destroy Us

· Secret report warns of rioting and nuclear war
· Britain will be ‘Siberian’ in less than 20 years
· Threat to the world is greater than terrorism

The Guardian | 2-21-2004
Mark Townsend and Paul Harris in New York

Climate change over the next 20 years could result in a global catastrophe costing millions of lives in wars and natural disasters…

No, what this situation calls for is a really stupid, futile gesture be made on somebody’s part.

A secret report, suppressed by US defence chiefs and obtained by The Observer, warns that major European cities will be sunk beneath rising seas as Britain is plunged into a ‘Siberian’ climate by 2020. Nuclear conflict, mega-droughts, famine and widespread rioting will erupt across the world.

The document predicts that abrupt climate change could bring the planet to the edge of anarchy as countries develop a nuclear threat to defend and secure dwindling food, water and energy supplies. The threat to global stability vastly eclipses that of terrorism, say the few experts privy to its contents.

‘Disruption and conflict will be endemic features of life,’ concludes the Pentagon analysis. ‘Once again, warfare would define human life.’

The findings will prove humiliating to the Bush administration, which has repeatedly denied that climate change even exists. Experts said that they will also make unsettling reading for a President who has insisted national defence is a priority.

An imminent scenario of catastrophic climate change is ‘plausible and would challenge United States national security in ways that should be considered immediately’, they conclude. As early as next year widespread flooding by a rise in sea levels will create major upheaval for millions.


Senior climatologists, however, believe that their verdicts could prove the catalyst in forcing Bush to accept climate change as a real and happening phenomenon. They also hope it will convince the United States to sign up to global treaties to reduce the rate of climatic change.

A group of eminent UK scientists recently visited the White House to voice their fears over global warming, part of an intensifying drive to get the US to treat the issue seriously. Sources have told The Observer that American officials appeared extremely sensitive about the issue when faced with complaints that America’s public stance appeared increasingly out of touch.

Bob Watson, chief scientist for the World Bank and former chair of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, added that the Pentagon’s dire warnings could no longer be ignored.

‘Can Bush ignore the Pentagon? It’s going be hard to blow off this sort of document. It’s hugely embarrassing. After all, Bush’s single highest priority is national defence. The Pentagon is no wacko, liberal group, generally speaking it is conservative. If climate change is a threat to national security and the economy, then he has to act. There are two groups the Bush Administration tend to listen to, the oil lobby and the Pentagon,’ added Watson.

‘You’ve got a President who says global warming is a hoax, and across the Potomac river you’ve got a Pentagon preparing for climate wars. It’s pretty scary when Bush starts to ignore his own government on this issue,’ said Rob Gueterbock of Greenpeace.

Already, according to Randall and Schwartz, the planet is carrying a higher population than it can sustain. By 2020 ‘catastrophic’ shortages of water and energy supply will become increasingly harder to overcome, plunging the planet into war. They warn that 8,200 years ago climatic conditions brought widespread crop failure, famine, disease and mass migration of populations that could soon be repeated.

Randall told The Observer that the potential ramifications of rapid climate change would create global chaos. ‘This is depressing stuff,’ he said. ‘It is a national security threat that is unique because there is no enemy to point your guns at and we have no control over the threat.’

Randall added that it was already possibly too late to prevent a disaster happening. ‘We don’t know exactly where we are in the process. It could start tomorrow and we would not know for another five years,‘ he said.

‘The consequences for some nations of the climate change are unbelievable. It seems obvious that cutting the use of fossil fuels would be worthwhile.’

So dramatic are the report’s scenarios, Watson said, that they may prove vital in the US elections. Democratic frontrunner John Kerry is known to accept climate change as a real problem. Scientists disillusioned with Bush’s stance are threatening to make sure Kerry uses the Pentagon report in his campaign.

The fact that Marshall is behind its scathing findings will aid Kerry’s cause. Marshall, 82, is a Pentagon legend who heads a secretive think-tank dedicated to weighing risks to national security called the Office of Net Assessment. Dubbed ‘Yoda‘ by Pentagon insiders who respect his vast experience, he is credited with being behind the Department of Defence’s push on ballistic-missile defence.

Symons, who left the EPA in protest at political interference, said that the suppression of the report was a further instance of the White House trying to bury evidence of climate change. ‘It is yet another example of why this government should stop burying its head in the sand on this issue.’

Symons said the Bush administration’s close links to high-powered energy and oil companies was vital in understanding why climate change was received sceptically in the Oval Office. ‘This administration is ignoring the evidence in order to placate a handful of large energy and oil companies,’ he added.

Odd that they didn’t predict Baby Yoda.


Straight Line of the Day: What Are Some Other New Year’s Resolutions of the Press?

Making Journalism Great Again
AmericanThinker.com | December 28, 2019 | J.B. Shurk

A new year is upon us, and I am keenly aware of the Fourth Estate’s four New Year’s Resolutions for 2020: (1) get Trump; (2) get Trump’s friends and family; (3) ridicule anyone who has voted or would consider voting for Trump; and (4) protect the Democratic Party from scandal.

Straight Line of the Day: What are some other New Year’s resolutions of the press?


Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse

Astronomers say Betelgeuse is acting like it’s going to explode. It’s actually getting dimmer. It’s normally around the 11th brightest star in the sky. It’s actually a variable star. Sometimes, it’s bright enough to be the 6th brightest star, a little brighter than Vega, but other times it’s only a little brighter than Deneb, which makes it about the 19th brightest.

Lately, though, it’s dimmed more than that. That has some people wondering if it’s about to explode.

Which makes me wonder why would Betelgeuse explode. Was it something that Trump tweeted? Maybe it’s been watching the impeachment. All that picked up steam around the same time the recent dimming of Betelgeuse started, and within the last week or two, when the actual House vote happened, Betelgeuse was dimmer than it had ever been.

The stars are as tired of Democrats and their silliness as the rest of us. More so. I mean, you and I aren’t about to explode. Well, if I read anything else a Democrat says, I might.

IMAO Time Machine: EPA Issues Injunction Against Santa Claus

Lactose the Intolerant posted this in 2013. — The Editors


AP – (North Pole) – EPA regulators paid a visit to good ole Saint Nick early this morning to serve him an injunction ordering him to cease and desist all operations pending the outcome of their inspection and investigation into his negative environmental impact.  He is accused of polluting the atmosphere with carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases and encouraging additional carbon dioxide pollution within the US and worldwide.  He is specifically charged with the overt and excessive distribution of coal, a notorious carbon dioxide emitter, to naughty girls and boys who would undoubtedly light up the world-destroying coal while they are naughtily playing with magnifying glasses, matches or other combustibles.  He is further charged with operating reindeer-powered vehicles that are also notorious greenhouse gas emitters, exhausting primarily methane gas which is a more powerful greenhouse gas than the more widely recognized carbon dioxide.

Michael Mann, the environmental scientist responsible for creating the hockey stick graph, has this to say regarding the actions the EPA took this morning: “This action has surely been a long time coming.  Having reviewed the data, it is abundantly clear that action needs to be taken against this brazen polluter.  He is distributing millions of tons of coal worldwide, and he is distributing it via reindeer propulsion.  Think about the length of the flight path.  He is flying to every single house in the world, undoubtedly leaving Rudolph and company idling on the rooftops while he is inside.  That is an astronomical amount of methane emissions. I’m tempted to abandon the idea of anthropogenic global warming and replace it with the idea of Santagenic global warming.  In terms of the environment, Santa is definitely at the top of my naughty list.  What will the repercussions of this injunction be?  Will this mean millions of heartbroken children Christmas morning?  Absolutely.  But we all need to sacrifice for the good of the planet. Besides, if I never got my little red wagon, neither should any of they.”  But he then had to cut his remarks short because he had to meet Leonardo Dicaprio at the airport to take his private jet to Switzerland for the next conference.

Santa was not available for comment, but an unrepentant Mrs. Claus had this to say before she was also hurried into custody: “I say fiddlesticks to the whole lot of you.  If you were stuck up here, you’d want some warming too.  It’s been ages since I’ve put on my bathing suit. We will not rest! We will not stop!  This will not end until the whole world has been transformed back into a lush, tropical paradise from pole to pole!  Viva la warming!”

About that certificate warning…

Yeah, we know about the error message. The Web host has to fix that, and we’re just waiting on that to happen. We haven’t figured out who was responsible for it, but I’m thinking Oppo.

Unless it’s that other fellow that’s been hanging around here. I’m not sure what he’s doing. I think somebody forgot to lock the door and this guy just wandered in. I’m not sure who forgot to lock it, but I’m thinking Oppo.

In the meantime, things are actually working on the Website — apart from the security certificate — as you can tell by the stellar quality of the posts. So, yeah, we’re here. This isn’t someone pretending to be us. It’s really us. And we really don’t want to steal your data or anything. I’m mean, we’ve seen your data. I don’t want to see it again.

So, sorry for the trouble. It should be fixed soon.

“Lower, Lower” (Song Parody)

[Based on “Louie Louie” by The Kingsmen, originally by Richard Berry]


Lower, Lower


♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

.

 

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

 

 

Ah, lower, lower
Pelosi said
We gotta go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she said
Lower, lower
On cable now, we gotta go

 

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

 

 

My little world
It waits on me
Assails statesmanship
Across the sea

Me sell that call
As something wrong
Like everything
Me get it wrong, oh

Lawfare, Lawfare:
Subpeona power said
He gotta go
Oh no, I sank

Lower, Lower
Cabal said he gotta go.

Three nights and days investigate
I drink, impeachment, and goodbye state!
Partisanship, me think it’s fair
I smell Rose Law Firm in the air

I say:
Lower, Lower
Comey said he gotta go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he said
Lower, Lower
Oh baby, we said
He gotta go

Okay, let’s give it to the right now!

The evidence
Is cracker croaker
Me shemm and hsdfsm . . . Backer brokerict . . .
On that evidence
Of onefs – werwny -x . . .
Brussdfn you – You must convict!

Ah, Lower, Lower
I said he gotta go!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I said
Lower, Lower, oh baby, I said he gotta go.

I said he gotta go, now

Let’s get on outta here

AO!

Innumerable psychedelic riffs follow

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫