Archive of entries posted on August 2021

President “Snapper” Organs

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(For those who don’t recognize this, search “Monty Python — Pirhana Brothers” and you’re in for a real treat.)

Interviewer: President Biden, I’ve been told that the Taliban nailed your hide to the door.

Biden: No, no. Never, never! They were smashing blokes. (Literally.) They used to give my brother fields of poppy flowers and that. And he’s like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the media have footage of the Americans actually abandoning everything and everyone and fleeing the country.

Biden: Oh yeah, well – we did that, yeah.

Interviewer: Why?

Biden: Well we had to, didn’t we? I mean, be fair, there was nothing else we could do. I mean, the Taliban had gained the unspoken upper hand.

Interviewer: What had they done?

Biden: Er… Well, they never told me that. But they gave me their word that it was the case, and that’s good enough for me with the old TaliBobbits. I mean, they didn’t think they could capture all our allies, equipment, ammunition, aircraft, money, secret documents, vehicles, weapons, biometric records, and heavily fortified strategic strongholds. I had to insist. They wanted to let us off. There’s nothing primitive cultures won’t do for you.

Interviewer: And you don’t bear them any grudge?

Biden: A grudge! Ol’ Banana-Stand? They’re real darlings!

Interviewer: I understand treat their enemies’ wives like coffee tables. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Hostage?

[Camera pans to show a shrouded coffee table with burka.]

Mrs. Hostage: Oh, no. No. No.

Biden: Yeah, well, they did do that. Yeah, yeah. They’re a cruel theocracy, but fair.

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Babesleaga Week 2 : Farrah Fawcett vs Jaclyn Smith

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Good afternoon, time to get back into it.

Farrah Fawcett vs Jaclyn Smith

Farrah Fawcett (1-0-0 Pts. 122)

  • Defeated Heather Locklear 122-110

VS

Jaclyn Smith (0-1-0 Pts. 72)

  • Lost to Tanya Roberts 72-144

Poll closes on September 5th at 9:00 am.

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
200 votes · 200 answers
Vote

1

Straight Line of the Day: Now That They’ve Calculated Pi to 62.8 Trillion Places, They Can…

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Scientists Calculate Pi to a New Record of 62.8 Trillion Figures
Daily Mail via MSN | 8/17/21 | Ryan Morrison

Pi has been calculated to an astonishing 62.8 trillion figures by a team of Swiss scientists. . . .

The previous record was calculated to 50 trillion figures, and was set in 2020, said experts from Graubuenden University of Applied Sciences in Chur, Switzerland.

Sorry, but 15 is my limit on Graubuendens. The numbers seem pretty Chur, though.

Straight Line of the Day: Now that they’ve calculated Pi to 62.8 trillion places, they can…

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Babesleaga Week 2 : Heather Locklear vs Tanya Roberts

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Week 2 is upon us so let’s get started.

Heather Locklear vs Tanya Roberts

Heather Locklear (0-1-0 Pts. 110)

  • Lost to Farrah Fawcett 110-122

VS

Tanya Roberts (1-0-0 Pts. 144)

  • Defeated Jaclyn Smith 144-72

Poll closes September 5th at 9:00 am.

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
200 votes · 200 answers
Vote

1

Babesleaga Week 1 : Results and Standings

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First week in the books and let us see what we got.

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
234 votes · 234 answers
Vote

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
214 votes · 214 answers
Vote

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
232 votes · 232 answers
Vote

This poll is no longer accepting votes

Who do you prefer?
216 votes · 216 answers
Vote

Standings

ContestantRecordTotal VotesAverage
Tanya Roberts1 – 0 – 0144144
Bo Derek1 – 0 – 0 142142
Farah Fawcett1 – 0 – 0122122
Erika Eleniak1 – 0 – 0120120
Heather Locklear0 – 1 – 0110110
Dana Delaney0 – 1 – 09494
Cheryl Ladd0 – 1 – 09292
Jaclyn Smith0 – 1 – 07272

This week’s polls will close Sunday September 5th at 9:00 am.

  • 10:00 am Heather Locklear vs Tanya Roberts
  • 2:00 pm Farah Fawcett vs Jaclyn Smith
  • 6:00 pm Cheryl Ladd vs Erika Eleniak
  • 8:00 pm Bo Derek vs Dana Delaney

1

Song Parody: Have You Ever Seen Deranged?

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♩♪

Someone told me long ago
There’s no Com’s before the storm
I know, it’s been comin’ for some time
When it’s over, never say
It’ll make the Sunni’s day
I know, China’s down with slaughter.

I oughta know: have you ever seen deranged?
I oughta know: have you ever seen deranged?
It’s gummin’-down-on-Sundae day.

Yesterday, and days before:
Sun is cold & soft is hard!
I know, been that way for all my time.
Tilden Forever! On it goes
Dupont Circle, fast is slow.
I know, it can’t stop, I wonder

I oughta know: have you ever seen deranged?
I want to know, have you ever seen deranged?
Coma & down on another lid day.

Yeah!

I want to know, have you ever seen deranged?
I want to know, have you ever seen deranged?
Comey lived to fight another day.

♩♪

5

Bad Boys

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Online, I’ve seen a lot of hate for cops and I’ve seen a lot of love for them.

What it seems to boil down to is whether you’ve had a positive interaction with cops or a negative one.

Many people have a gripe against cops for arresting them. The courts will decide if they’re guilty.

Policemen and policewomen go out each and every day to interact with the public. Not in the way a clerk at 7-Eleven or Cumberland Farms might, but actively searching for individuals and interacting with them at the most violent and worst moments of their lives.

It’s not for nothing that cops put on a bullet-proof vest, and a belt with a handgun, handcuffs, and mace, if needed.

They are on duty for eight hours when things are violent. What amount of money would they have to pay you to do that?

It’s like being a soldier in Afghanistan. Oh, wait.

So don’t give cops a hard time. Put your hands on the damned steering wheel, and don’t leap out of the car with your hands behind your back. They don’t know if you’re one of the good guys or one of the bad guys, and lately they’ve been trained not to even care. A lot of them have been trained to not even come home that night.

But you should.

7

How About No?

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And “Bad Timing”?

Obama Defense Secretary Leon Panetta: U.S. Forces Will Have to Return to Afghanistan
Brietbart | Aug. 27, 2021 | Joshua Caplan

Appearing Thursday on CNN’s [misogynistically titled show hosted by the reasonably well-endowed] Erin Burnett OutFront, Obama Defense Secretary Leon Panetta judged that the U.S. military will have to return to Afghanistan to confront ISIS despite President Joe Biden’s withdrawal of U.S. forces from the war-torn country after 20 years of war.

A transcript is as follows:

ERIN BURNETT: So [Biden] is sticking with the August 31st deadline. He’s made it clear that even after that they’ll do whatever they can, but he’s sticking with it. He is not extending it and that it “is what it is,” is what he says. Do you agree with that? Is it right to stick with this August 31st date?

FORMER DEFENSE SEC. PANETTA: Erin, bottom line is that our work is not done in Afghanistan. I know we’ll be removing our troops by a certain date, but the bottom line is our work is not done. We’re going to have to go after ISIS. I’m glad the president said that we’re going to hunt them down and make them pay a price for what they did in killing our warriors and we should. We’re going to have to go back in to get ISIS. We’re probably going to go have to go back in when al-Qaeda resurrects itself as they will with this Taliban. They’ve gave [??] safe haven to al-Qaeda before. They’ll probably do it again. I understand that we’re trying to get our troops out of there, but the bottom line is we can leave a battlefield but we can’t leave the war on terrorism which still is a threat to our security.

Here’s a helicopter, Leon. Here’s a parachute. Here’s a list of people who want to follow you.

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