(For those who don’t recognize this, search “Monty Python — Pirhana Brothers” and you’re in for a real treat.)

Interviewer: President Biden, I’ve been told that the Taliban nailed your hide to the door.

Biden: No, no. Never, never! They were smashing blokes. (Literally.) They used to give my brother fields of poppy flowers and that. And he’s like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the media have footage of the Americans actually abandoning everything and everyone and fleeing the country.

Biden: Oh yeah, well – we did that, yeah.

Interviewer: Why?

Biden: Well we had to, didn’t we? I mean, be fair, there was nothing else we could do. I mean, the Taliban had gained the unspoken upper hand.

Interviewer: What had they done?

Biden: Er… Well, they never told me that. But they gave me their word that it was the case, and that’s good enough for me with the old TaliBobbits. I mean, they didn’t think they could capture all our allies, equipment, ammunition, aircraft, money, secret documents, vehicles, weapons, biometric records, and heavily fortified strategic strongholds. I had to insist. They wanted to let us off. There’s nothing primitive cultures won’t do for you.

Interviewer: And you don’t bear them any grudge?

Biden: A grudge! Ol’ Banana-Stand? They’re real darlings!

Interviewer: I understand treat their enemies’ wives like coffee tables. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Hostage?

[Camera pans to show a shrouded coffee table with burka.]

Mrs. Hostage: Oh, no. No. No.

Biden: Yeah, well, they did do that. Yeah, yeah. They’re a cruel theocracy, but fair.