Courtesy of FormerHostage:
Ignoring the fact that there are already strict safety protocols that were ignored by Baldwin and company, Hollywood elites are calling for replacing handguns with post-production CGI.
Straight Line of the Day: What are some of the other suggestions our social betters are making to improve movies?
… Instead of using prop weapons, actors will instead point their finger while saying “pew, pew, pew”
… Vehicles will no longer be used for car chase scenes which will now consist of forced perspective shots of RC cars interspaced with closeups of actors sitting in parked cars making vroom vroom noises.
Shooting more directors.
Now we’re getting somewhere….
I have no better and durn few equals.
…replacing Baldwin with post production CGI
Instead of actual pyrotechnic explosions, the CGI generated word “BOOM” will appear onscreen just like “Tires Squealing” appears on close captioning.
Re-release Batman.
— The Capped Crusader, directed by Alec Baldwin.
Holy wrong Batman, Batman!
Hiring Meta trained fact checkers.
They are going to re-do all movies ever made and edit in finger guns on all shooting scenes. Clint Eastwood scene: “go ahead make my day and pull my trigger finger Punk..no you Dork that’s my pinkie.”
.
Improve CGI to the point that they don’t need stupid actors at all…
Keep remaking A Christmas Carol until they finally get it right…
(and Spiderman)
The Muppets did it right. The 1943 movie with Alister Sim is good, too.
Alistair Sim’s version is the gold standard.
Trivia: he was a comedian! People didn’t think he had the acting chops to pull off a dramatic role.
Bonus trivia: the Jim Carrey / Disney animated version must have watched that Sim version, because the set and the camera angles in the porridge/gruel/whatever-he’s-eating scene match so exactly that it could not be coincidence. And Alec Baldwin didn’t shoot either of them.
Greatly increasing the production drug budget…
Just put body cams with high fidelity sound on every living person, then hire a truly great editor…
…replacing bacon with CGI bacon… wait a minute… that’s just kookie talk.
Run about 47 minutes of commercials every hour.
…replacing horses with two coconut halves.
That’s a lot of ladened sparrows
African or European?
They don’t know [sounds of a distant AIEEEEEEE!]
Director Wars – there can be only one…
Replacing “You’d do it for Randolph Scott” with “You’d do it for Brandon, Let’s Go!”
Blazing Saddles 2: The Building of Rock Ridge 3, But We Still Don’t Want the Irish
Days of Thunder 2: Let’s Go Brandon!
The Manchurian Candid Idiots: The Obama / Biden Story
Alternate reality: The Obama / Biden Story – The Baracky Horror Picture Show.
What Are Some of the Other Suggestions Our Social Betters Are Making To Improve Movies?
We’ll hafta circle back on that after checking with Xi Jinping, brb….
… Every night, the producers of the Lego movies must pick up each and every character and put them away.
… Increasing investment in CGI — the Clinton Global Initiative — with 10% for the Big Guy. Win-Win!
… No more actors; just sexy cartoons from now on: “We have met the anime, and it is ours.”
… the Steve McQueer character will hop a girl’s Schwinn over Barbie-wired fences in The Great Wokescape.
… sassy female Butch and Tonguedance will take a bold leap into sar-chasm to evade pursuers.
Pete & Chasten are available as well (due to “maternity” leave)
… Emmy-nominated documentaries on Fauci will no longer mention dogs. Oh, wait. . . .
… New motto when shooting in Vegas: “Stunt Double or Nothing.”
… FBI investigating shooting in Vegas.
Ghostbusters 2021 – Gozer’s passport has a “G” gender, so it is eligible to stay in New York upon arrival. Gozer has a bout of depression when it realizes that Cuomo, Hochul, and DeBlasio have chosen themselves as the forms of the destructor, and have done a far more effective job of destroying the city than Gozer could have. It all hits the fan when a restaurant refuses to admit Gozer since Gozer is not vaxxed. Suffice to say, many restaurant patrons knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
“many restaurant patrons knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the SLotD that day, I can tell you!”
Replacing cows with tofudebeasts.
They will be the stars in City Slickers 3- Beyond Meat
Set Slackers IV: The Legend of Rust’s Guild
… Remaking The Virginian as The Virgin Ian.
Likewise, Sam Peckinpah movies will be remade as Sam Pecker Paw movies.
Quentin Tarantino movies will be remade as Questioning Tear & Teen-o movies.
{Sigh. Just won’t be the same.}
Tarantino? I thought it was Peer At These Toes.
The Last Gender Bender
Enter the Drag Queen
Who Am I? (Wait, that one’s taken)
Ok, What am I?
Indiana Jones and the Last Croissant
Biden will be listed as Gaffe-r on every production from now on, domestic and international.
“Other suggestions our social betters are making to improve movies?”
Everyone gets credits. Participation credits.
Have you sat through all the credits of movies these days?????
… Movie reels will be replaced by movie should-be’s.
Merrick Garland and Rachel Levine in “The Very Odd Couple”
The Clintons in “Natural Born Suiciders”
Have Oprah give a car to anyone who can sit through the garbage they make these days.