Want some Ukraine in your NATO?
China in your sea?
What’s all these crazy questions you’re askin’ me?
This is the craziest conference that could ever be
Get me outta here ’cause I think I wanna pee
My handlers told me not to come
My handlers told me not to come
“That ain’t no way to start your run, no” (uh-uh!)
Open up that window, let me get outta this here room
I think it’s almost Wapner time, I just know I gotta zoom
And that staircase I see comin’ ’bout scares me half to death
Get me to the lid now, sucker, let me catch my breath
My handlers told me not to come
My handlers told me not to come
“That ain’t no way to have fun, son”
“That ain’t the way to have fun, son” they said
The commentators blastin’, someone’s knockin’ at the door
It’s only my son Hunter, he’s snortin’ off the floor
I seen so many things I ain’t never seen before
I don’t know what it is, I don’t wanna see no more
My handlers told me not to come
My handlers told me not to come
They said, “That ain’t no way to look smart, son”
“That ain’t the way to look sharp, no”
Jill she told me, Jill she told me
Jill she told me, told me, told me
Jill told me, told me, ooh, yeah, yeah
Jill told me I must run
Jill she told me, Jill she told me
Ain’t that the truth
“I need four years to have fun, Joe”
“I need four years to have fun…”
… Before opening the envelope with the above Carnac the Magnificent pronounced, “What is the only acceptable answer to, ‘Does this make my A$$ look fat?‘”
Mail buoy watch
A young sailor is given a large hook and binoculars, fitted with a harness and safety line and stationed on the weather decks near the bow. S/he is told s/he on mail buoy watch. The imaginary “mail buoy” contains all of the ship’s mail, dropped off by another ship earlier that day. Instructions are given that when s/he sees a buoy of X description s/he must hook the buoy or the bag on the buoy. They’re warned that the whole ship is waiting for their mail, and failure to hook it will have the whole ship mad at him/her. Sometimes even officers are in on the prank.
This can work to the sailor’s advantage, particularly if the sailor’s job is not terribly pleasant. I knew one young Fireman who was assigned to the boiler room who spent many hours on mail buoy watch. When another sailor finally “took pity” on him, he owned up to knowing about the prank, but the prank assignment was more pleasant than his regular job.
Basin Trials
Junior sailor is assigned to watch sinks and toilets in the head (bathroom) for any leaks as the ship switches systems before getting underway.
Go get a:
Gig line
A young sailor is told to go get three feet of gig line. “Line” in the Navy means rope. S/he runs around the ship asking where a gig line is. Most senior sailors know about the prank and will continue sending the young sailor on to someone else as soon as the question is asked. Either the sailor figures out for him/herself what’s going on, or a kind senior sailor explains that a “gig line” is the line a button-down shirt, belt buckle and pants zipper flap make down a person’s front. Other versions: flight line, shore line, chow line.
Bucket of prop wash
Usually on an aircraft carrier, the young sailor is told to get some prop wash to wash planes. Like the gig line prank, s/he runs around asking for it. Prop wash is the wind that comes off of an aircraft’s props or jet engine.
BT punch
A young sailor is asked to go to the boiler room for a BT punch. A BT is a boiler tech – and sometimes happy to oblige. Other versions are left-handed punch or right-handed punch.
Long weight
A sailor is told to go to stores to get a long weight. The SK (storekeeper) goes away for a while to “look” for it. On his return he says “was that long enough?
Water Hammer
A water hammer is the banging sound pipes sometimes make
Can of water slug
On submarines, a water slug is the water that is ejected when a torpedo tube is fired without a torpedo in it.
Binnacle Alignment Tool
A binnacle is a box or stand where, on old ships, a compass was kept. It does not exist on modern ships. It is also a side branch of a river.
Darken the chief’s mess
Young sailor is sent to the Chiefs’ mess to turn off their lights when “darken ship” is piped. Darken ship only applies to lights that can be seen outside of the ship. The chiefs do not take kindly to their lights being turned off.
Boiled oil
Young sailor is sent to the galley to get some oil boiled. Linseed oil is “double boiled” so it is sent back with the sailor saying “you’ve only boiled this once”
Shore line stretcher
Another one for the really gullible. Shore line is where the ocean meets the land, the line of beaches and/or cliffs.
Left-handed tools
A sailor is told to go get a left-handed screwdriver, pliers, etc. It is always a tool that can easily be used in either hand.
Green oil for the starboard lamp/red oil for the port lamp
Naval ships have not used oil lamps in a VERY long time, and the color comes from colored glass, not colored oil. Only a very gullible sailor falls for this one. Also, Pink paraffin for the night lights .
Sound powered phone batteries
A sailor is told to get a recharger or batteries for the sound-powered phones. Um… SOUND-POWERED phones, anyone?
Fool’s message
A young sailor is sent to: Engineering Control to report, “Sir, High level alarm in the cooling system, request permission to blow the MPA”. Translation? Oral sex for the main propulsion assistant.
Fallopian Tubes
A sailor is told to climb through (or clean, or whatever) the fallopian tubes. Of course, fallopian tubes are part of the female reproduction system.
It doesn’t work as well with a better educated Navy and so many female sailors around, but it sometimes still happens. Star Trek fans, accustomed to hearing about the Jeffreies Tubes, long access tunnels that run through the Starship Enterprise, are especially prone to falling for this prank. Sometimes also confused with an old-fashioned “speaking tube.”
I’m sorry, the colon ruins the effect for me…
Worst case of Colon Interruptus I’ve ever seen.
Finish a Biden thought? That’s rich…
I think you already did.
Err fer..haven’t go taf..uh..er..mab!
Jusfer backin Iraq ‘ol Putin and y’know inflation with our reduction (whispers) you’re welcome… those MAGA types and CHAINS! Becaussefferin, anyway.
I think I gotta make a poopie.
(Meow Mix music)Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow…
(Fill in Biden’s thought.)
Mmmm…Prell!
:_____…
…” ?”
yada yada yada
Want some Ukraine in your NATO?
China in your sea?
What’s all these crazy questions you’re askin’ me?
This is the craziest conference that could ever be
Get me outta here ’cause I think I wanna pee
My handlers told me not to come
My handlers told me not to come
“That ain’t no way to start your run, no” (uh-uh!)
Open up that window, let me get outta this here room
I think it’s almost Wapner time, I just know I gotta zoom
And that staircase I see comin’ ’bout scares me half to death
Get me to the lid now, sucker, let me catch my breath
My handlers told me not to come
My handlers told me not to come
“That ain’t no way to have fun, son”
“That ain’t the way to have fun, son” they said
The commentators blastin’, someone’s knockin’ at the door
It’s only my son Hunter, he’s snortin’ off the floor
I seen so many things I ain’t never seen before
I don’t know what it is, I don’t wanna see no more
My handlers told me not to come
My handlers told me not to come
They said, “That ain’t no way to look smart, son”
“That ain’t the way to look sharp, no”
Jill she told me, Jill she told me
Jill she told me, told me, told me
Jill told me, told me, ooh, yeah, yeah
Jill told me I must run
Jill she told me, Jill she told me
Ain’t that the truth
“I need four years to have fun, Joe”
“I need four years to have fun…”
That is some first-quality song parody, right there. I’ll have to make it a post, to keep anyone else from stealing the idea from you.
Technically that’s the straight line and ellipses of the day.
(Grammar police gotta correct)
The UN applause was thunderous after Joe Biden’s above speech.
Joe Biden: “Look, I can do an impression of Rachel Corrie.”
Not obscure enough?
Put some syrup on that pancake.
More waffle pattern, really.
… Before opening the envelope with the above Carnac the Magnificent pronounced, “What is the only acceptable answer to, ‘Does this make my A$$ look fat?‘”
Fill in his thought.
Fetch you the board stretcher.
Pick up a pack of AC batteries
Top off the blinker fluid
Locate the keys to the batter’s box.
… Any other errands you have for me today?
Here’s some of the pranks that are played by senior sailors on newbies. Even if young sailors have doubts, it’s hard to question a senior sailor’s orders when still fresh out of training. You may want to warn your sailors about these.
Mail buoy watch
A young sailor is given a large hook and binoculars, fitted with a harness and safety line and stationed on the weather decks near the bow. S/he is told s/he on mail buoy watch. The imaginary “mail buoy” contains all of the ship’s mail, dropped off by another ship earlier that day. Instructions are given that when s/he sees a buoy of X description s/he must hook the buoy or the bag on the buoy. They’re warned that the whole ship is waiting for their mail, and failure to hook it will have the whole ship mad at him/her. Sometimes even officers are in on the prank.
This can work to the sailor’s advantage, particularly if the sailor’s job is not terribly pleasant. I knew one young Fireman who was assigned to the boiler room who spent many hours on mail buoy watch. When another sailor finally “took pity” on him, he owned up to knowing about the prank, but the prank assignment was more pleasant than his regular job.
Basin Trials
Junior sailor is assigned to watch sinks and toilets in the head (bathroom) for any leaks as the ship switches systems before getting underway.
Go get a:
Gig line
A young sailor is told to go get three feet of gig line. “Line” in the Navy means rope. S/he runs around the ship asking where a gig line is. Most senior sailors know about the prank and will continue sending the young sailor on to someone else as soon as the question is asked. Either the sailor figures out for him/herself what’s going on, or a kind senior sailor explains that a “gig line” is the line a button-down shirt, belt buckle and pants zipper flap make down a person’s front. Other versions: flight line, shore line, chow line.
Bucket of prop wash
Usually on an aircraft carrier, the young sailor is told to get some prop wash to wash planes. Like the gig line prank, s/he runs around asking for it. Prop wash is the wind that comes off of an aircraft’s props or jet engine.
BT punch
A young sailor is asked to go to the boiler room for a BT punch. A BT is a boiler tech – and sometimes happy to oblige. Other versions are left-handed punch or right-handed punch.
Long weight
A sailor is told to go to stores to get a long weight. The SK (storekeeper) goes away for a while to “look” for it. On his return he says “was that long enough?
Water Hammer
A water hammer is the banging sound pipes sometimes make
Can of water slug
On submarines, a water slug is the water that is ejected when a torpedo tube is fired without a torpedo in it.
Binnacle Alignment Tool
A binnacle is a box or stand where, on old ships, a compass was kept. It does not exist on modern ships. It is also a side branch of a river.
Darken the chief’s mess
Young sailor is sent to the Chiefs’ mess to turn off their lights when “darken ship” is piped. Darken ship only applies to lights that can be seen outside of the ship. The chiefs do not take kindly to their lights being turned off.
Boiled oil
Young sailor is sent to the galley to get some oil boiled. Linseed oil is “double boiled” so it is sent back with the sailor saying “you’ve only boiled this once”
Shore line stretcher
Another one for the really gullible. Shore line is where the ocean meets the land, the line of beaches and/or cliffs.
Left-handed tools
A sailor is told to go get a left-handed screwdriver, pliers, etc. It is always a tool that can easily be used in either hand.
Green oil for the starboard lamp/red oil for the port lamp
Naval ships have not used oil lamps in a VERY long time, and the color comes from colored glass, not colored oil. Only a very gullible sailor falls for this one. Also, Pink paraffin for the night lights .
Sound powered phone batteries
A sailor is told to get a recharger or batteries for the sound-powered phones. Um… SOUND-POWERED phones, anyone?
Fool’s message
A young sailor is sent to: Engineering Control to report, “Sir, High level alarm in the cooling system, request permission to blow the MPA”. Translation? Oral sex for the main propulsion assistant.
Fallopian Tubes
A sailor is told to climb through (or clean, or whatever) the fallopian tubes. Of course, fallopian tubes are part of the female reproduction system.
It doesn’t work as well with a better educated Navy and so many female sailors around, but it sometimes still happens. Star Trek fans, accustomed to hearing about the Jeffreies Tubes, long access tunnels that run through the Starship Enterprise, are especially prone to falling for this prank. Sometimes also confused with an old-fashioned “speaking tube.”
Ya left out Bulkhead Remover and Bucket of Steam.
Good pranks on the high seas.
Did you ever tell them to put the anchors aweigh for the night?
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga…
trick question
Straight Line of the Day: ____ …
▄ ▄ ▄ ▄▄▄ ▄▄▄ ▄▄▄ ▄ ▄ ▄
Yes..and we need that help right now…
Fill in Biden’s thoughts? OK…