Archive of entries posted on May 2024
Dan Greenfield on Trump Trial
This guy’s got a way with words.
Trump Found Guilty of Running Against Democrats
Front Page Magazine | May 31, 2024 | Daniel GreenfieldAfter deliberating for 9 hours, a jury of Trump’s Manhattan Trump-hating peers found him guilty of a crime that doesn’t exist anywhere in the legal codes, invented by a DA who had promised not to prosecute armed robberies but chose instead to prosecute a non-disclosure agreement.
… None of the 8 murders, 54 rapes, 204 burglaries, 303 robberies, 535 felony assaults or 891 grand larcenies that occurred in New York City the same week as the Trump trial garnered a fraction of the attention. That was bad news for the 26 shooting victims, including the 15-year-old girl, and the 54 rape victims, not to mention the other victims in the other 110 sex crimes that all had to take a backseat to a Democrat kangaroo court cutting a 2024 presidential election ad.
Toward the end, the Biden campaign even dispatched an angry and belligerent Robert De Niro (Dirty Grandpa, Little Fockers) in a COVID mask to yell something about Trump outside the courthouse. The prosecution’s case in the courthouse was little more coherent than that, but it didn’t matter with a jury that would have found Trump guilty sooner if it wasn’t for the free food.
After waiting right before the weekend, the jury announced that he was guilty. Of something.
Biden Punches Easter Bunny
Wait: It Won’t?
Why Paying Women To Have More Babies Won’t Work
The Economist | 05/23/2024As birth rates plunge, many politicians want to pour money into policies that might lead women to have more babies. Donald Trump has vowed to dish out bonuses if he returns to the White House.
I’d like to see your citation for that quote from Donald Trump, Economist. It doesn’t appear in the article. How utterly unexpected.
No! Not Cracker Barrel!
Death of American staple as CEO tanks her own company’s stock by announcing they’re ‘not as relevant’ anymore
Daily Mail | 5/23/24An iconic American eatery’s stock has plummeted in recent week after the company’s CEO said the restaurant is no longer ‘relevant’.
Cracker Barrel, the Southern country-themed restaurants with 662 locations across the nation, has been diminishing in popularity over the past decade – with its loyal clientele of elderly people failing to return after the pandemic.
The business tanked even more when its chief executive Julie Felss Masino told investors, ‘We’re just not as relevant as we once were.’
They put a rainbow rocking chair on the porch for pride month in their ads.
Straight Line of the Day: The Designers of Biden’s Floating Pier Might Work On…
Welcome to IMAO! This Ain’t No Party, This Ain’t No Disco, This Ain’t No Fooling Around
Man Buys a Hot Dog in Vietnam: Joke Writes Itself
Eclipse Happening Now!
But To Hear Walrus Tell It: “The Welcome Wagon Greeted Me Instantly”
Dear Abby: Acquaintance Has Rescue Dog; Never Fails To Refer To It As Such. What To Do?
From what I’ve heard of the neighbors involved in the dispute, Mrs. Alito ran into a nasty case of privilege in the next-door neighbors. They are rumored to have been a 30-something, BLM-loving progressive couple living, along with their “Pandemic puppy” (and WTF even IS that?)
It’s a way to one-up the Rescue Dog people
Straight Line of the Day: Double Entendre for Walrus Getting a New House: …
Welcome to IMAO! Load Up! Shoot Away! Win Your Girl a Stuffed Koala Bear!
— Hike the Hundred (Santa Clara County, CA)
Santa Clara County Parks (CA) | April 2024
A little FrankJ in the darkness
I am into my second day of internet darkness by now. No new memes to see but many to post. Let this little bit of FrankJ illumminate you in these dark times.
A Frank Guide to Cats (Illustrated)
All you need to know about cats (with pictures)
MAY 22, 2024
I’ve always been a dog person, but my wife loves cats, so I’ve had to get used to them. They at first confused me versus a dog, but now having been around them so long, I think I understand cats pretty well. Thus, I decided to make this guide so you, too, can unravel the mystery.
A Frank Guide to Cats
Domestication
The common house cat is also known as the “domesticated” cat, but this is a misnomer. When dogs were domesticated, they were given a friendly, loving demeanor. Thus, you could have a dog the same size as a wolf but don’t have to fear it. But if you ever saw a house cat the size of a wolf, you would run for your shotgun because you know that thing would kill you.
Cats were never domesticated. They were simply made smaller. If they were any larger, you would be dead.
Hidden Blades
Look at this cat’s paw. Cute and fluffy, isn’t it?
But this is a lie. The cut little paw is full of blades for killing.
It also keeps more blades in its mouth.
The typical cat is full of blades. It’s all those apples full of razors we were warned about at Halloween, but it’s fluffy.
Sounds They Make
Cats also make sounds. One common sound is “Mao” as in Chairman Mao who murdered and starved millions.
Why do they say “Mao”? To get our attention. They know we don’t like Chairman Mao, so they mock us with his name.
Another sound cats make is the purr. It’s this intense vibrating sound. It is unknown what in the cat is vibrating, though. Perhaps a motor. Maybe they are all robots. Scientists are unsure as they don’t like to get close to cats because of all the hidden blades.
Agility
It is a well known fact that a cat dropped from any height will always land on its feet.
Scientists have determined the reason a cat always lands on its feet is because long ago, it made a deal with the devil that’s why a cat’s eye’s resemble those of a snake, the devil’s animal.
The snake’s influence is also seen in a cat’s tail which behaves very much like a snake.
Ears
A cat’s ears are used for hearing, shaped in cups to pick up sound waves.
There is in fact nothing at all special about a cat’s ears. I don’t know why I devoted an entire section to this. I’m wasting everyone’s time. Sorry.
Expressions
When I first got a cat, the biggest problem I had with it over a dog is it only seemed to have one expression. Was the cat happy? Sad? Playful? Angry? I couldn’t tell because it only ever had the same expression.
I eventually realized I had seen that blank expression on other animals. In fact every animal has a similar expression: The intense blank expression an animal has when it’s ready to kill.
Scientists now believe cats can have other expressions, such as joy; they just choose not to. Instead, they spend every waking hour ready to kill at any moment, hence the constant death mask. So when a cat is looking at you like that, it is ready to kill you. It’s just waiting for you to get a little smaller first.
Well, that’s all I know about cats. I hope this was informative! If you see any cats larger than regular house cat size, please contact the authorities.