“The problem is all inside your head,”
Walrus said to me
He doesn’t really want you dead
Think logically
I love to watch you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To dodge the Emu
He said it is not my habit
To ever intercede
Furthermore, my entertainment
Is the only thing I need
But I’ll repeat myself
While you scramble to be freed
There must be fifty ways
To dodge the Emu
Fifty ways to dodge the Emu
You just quit your old job, Bob
Hide in a rut, but
You need to be quick, Slick
To keep yourself free
Try leaving town, Clown
Before he takes your ass down
Just drop your iPhone, see
To keep yourself free
. . . commit suicide if you have evidence against Hillary.
Here is your noose, Bruce
Operate this gun, son
Want some cyanide, Clyde
Enjoy your sword, Ward
Drink the poison, Illinoisian
Have arsenic, Dick
How about a bayonet, Bridgette
Here, take this pill, Bill
Carbon monoxide, Hyde
An 8th floor leap, creep
You need to suffocate, Kate
Time for you to drown, clown
. . . and so on
… beat your brother…
You sink the eight ball, Paul
Bury the three, Lee
Hit a home run, son
You just listen to me
Pull that third ace, Trace
Wave it up in his fat face
Catch the corner outside, Clyde
And then laugh with glee
There must be, 50 ways to Please your Mother
Why not Bring a Bouquet, Ray
Fix up her home, Jerome
Wash down her car, Marve
now listen to me…
Bake her a Cake, Jake
even if it don’t taste great!
just drop by to see, Lee
It’ll make her happy
… dodge an Emu (trust me)…
“The problem is all inside your head,”
Walrus said to me
He doesn’t really want you dead
Think logically
I love to watch you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To dodge the Emu
He said it is not my habit
To ever intercede
Furthermore, my entertainment
Is the only thing I need
But I’ll repeat myself
While you scramble to be freed
There must be fifty ways
To dodge the Emu
Fifty ways to dodge the Emu
You just quit your old job, Bob
Hide in a rut, but
You need to be quick, Slick
To keep yourself free
Try leaving town, Clown
Before he takes your ass down
Just drop your iPhone, see
To keep yourself free
Are those flavored honey straws?
Be favored by the Emu and find out.
FEFO
There must be 50 ways to Love your lever.
Just step on the back, Jack.
Or pull on the end, Ben.
Put yourself in between, Gene.
Ohh, I guess it’s just three.
Make that 53 ways for me. I digress…
“‘We think Barrie meant for the mermaids to enter and exit via trapdoors, but those were banned in New York schools before we were born.’”
There Are Also 50 Ways To…
Make love 💕 to your Lover according to the Kamasutra but I hit 51 once.
That last one is illegal in 37 states.
And the District of Columbia.
…find the flaws in any given Democrat’s argument.
Hate your leaver
… eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup.
Wow, finally, someone is thinking outside the cup.
. . . cast a ballot in every state at the same time, according to Dominion
… get Gilligan to succumb to Mary Ann and Ginger’s wishes. Or Oppo, for that matter.
Liar! Gilligan would never succumb to Oppo!
… pronounce any word, if you’re Joe Biden.
. . . diagram a sentence, if it’s one mumbled by Joe Biden
. . . commit suicide if you have evidence against Hillary.
Here is your noose, Bruce
Operate this gun, son
Want some cyanide, Clyde
Enjoy your sword, Ward
Drink the poison, Illinoisian
Have arsenic, Dick
How about a bayonet, Bridgette
Here, take this pill, Bill
Carbon monoxide, Hyde
An 8th floor leap, creep
You need to suffocate, Kate
Time for you to drown, clown
. . . and so on
To say Basil.
^ But not Basil.
I was trying to think of the crassest ways to leave a former lover. I don’t know what made me think of this.
Text message
Email.
Answering machine
Sticky note
Restraining order
Cease and desist letter
I used a postcard once from the Bahamas.
“Having a Wonderful Time . . . Wish You Were Her”
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
A .45.
… beat your brother…
You sink the eight ball, Paul
Bury the three, Lee
Hit a home run, son
You just listen to me
Pull that third ace, Trace
Wave it up in his fat face
Catch the corner outside, Clyde
And then laugh with glee
http://tiny.cc/Moonnuke
(given Mothers Day is this weekend…)
There must be, 50 ways to Please your Mother
Why not Bring a Bouquet, Ray
Fix up her home, Jerome
Wash down her car, Marve
now listen to me…
Bake her a Cake, Jake
even if it don’t taste great!
just drop by to see, Lee
It’ll make her happy
Give her a good kiss Tom
because she’s just your stepmom