#1: First, check to be sure you’re married and that you married a woman with two X-chromosomes. You can’t be a ‘husband’ to a man contrary to our media and Democrat Party. Obvious point but sometimes it’s overlooked.
#2: Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to be an IDEAL husband? Being IDEAL is a lot more work than being an ordinary husband and is often unappreciated by your wife. Among many other things, you’ll probably have to take out the garbage at least twice as often when you’re IDEAL. You’ll be cooking more, taking her to shoe stores and cleaning toilets.
#3: You can’t be an ideal husband if you, yourself are not IDEAL. Go look in the mirror. Do you have an ideal face? Body shape? Muscle tone? Height/weight proportionality? Full head of wavy blond or brown hair? Can you cook a gourmet meal? Do you speak a foreign language and/or drive expensive cars? Do you have a yacht? You see where this is going, don’t you? Most likely you answered ‘No’ to most of those (and similar) questions. You’re simply not IDEAL and are incapable of being an IDEAL husband. To become an ideal husband, YOU, yourself, must become IDEAL first! Lose the belly, get in shape, make a lot of money. Buy a boat. Play the guitar. C’mon, man, Corn Pop could do better!
#4 Convinced? You really don’t want to be an ideal husband. Give up the notion before it’s too late!
Start selling illicit drugs and bring the proceeds home to your lovely spouse..I deal..?
How To Be the Ideal Husband…
Be like Pete Butt.
… and I cannot lie.
… marry Dylan McDermott…
Be fictional.
Learn one key phrase, “Yes, dear…”
“How To Be the Ideal Husband”
Jimmy’s Tips:
#1: First, check to be sure you’re married and that you married a woman with two X-chromosomes. You can’t be a ‘husband’ to a man contrary to our media and Democrat Party. Obvious point but sometimes it’s overlooked.
#2: Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to be an IDEAL husband? Being IDEAL is a lot more work than being an ordinary husband and is often unappreciated by your wife. Among many other things, you’ll probably have to take out the garbage at least twice as often when you’re IDEAL. You’ll be cooking more, taking her to shoe stores and cleaning toilets.
#3: You can’t be an ideal husband if you, yourself are not IDEAL. Go look in the mirror. Do you have an ideal face? Body shape? Muscle tone? Height/weight proportionality? Full head of wavy blond or brown hair? Can you cook a gourmet meal? Do you speak a foreign language and/or drive expensive cars? Do you have a yacht? You see where this is going, don’t you? Most likely you answered ‘No’ to most of those (and similar) questions. You’re simply not IDEAL and are incapable of being an IDEAL husband. To become an ideal husband, YOU, yourself, must become IDEAL first! Lose the belly, get in shape, make a lot of money. Buy a boat. Play the guitar. C’mon, man, Corn Pop could do better!
#4 Convinced? You really don’t want to be an ideal husband. Give up the notion before it’s too late!
(I’ll be here all week with more tips.)
My tip – Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.
Did you steal that from somebody? Mickey Rooney perhaps?
“Can’t you see what I’m trying to say? I love you.”
Groucho to lady:
“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”
+1
That little punk stole it from me and if he was still alive I would sue his little boy pants off of him.
… Well, stop throwing her cat against the windshield, for starters.
1) Wake up.
2) Be me.
How To Be the Ideal Husband:…
…be very rich and deceased.