Things That Could Easily Be Misunderstood If You Mutter Them in a Checkout Line
Examples:
“I’ll just have some ample jews”
for
“I just have some apple juice.”
.
“Do you carry, Honey?”
for
“Do you carry honey?”
.
“Mine is like a pogo”
for
“Minus, like, a BOGO.”
.
“These prices are so high, you should go down”
for
“These prices are so high! You should go down.”
.
“Are you going to check me out?”
for
“Are you going to check me out?”
.
“So, how much do I get off?”
for
“So, how much do I get off?”
.
“Want me to grab those melons?”
.
“You’re going to take those Snickers off, right?”
.
“Couple of breasts; couple of thighs. That should do it.”
.
As you can imagine, I look forward to trips to the supermarket.
“Wanna Walnetto?” always got me in trouble…
Because of continued acts of indecent harassment, Oppo is hereby banished to the self-checkout aisle exclusively – The Management
Self-checkout’s no fun.
“Ma’am, where did you get those giant tomatoes?!”
“For ripeness, don’t squeeze the melons, dear. Smell them instead.”
(With your mouth full…) “What’s in the box, Mitch?”
“Stop it! Your dribbling all over the floor!”
“With this here giant turkey baster, I’m gonna pump that bird up and pop it in Kathy’s oven! Then we’ll put her buns in there.”
I almost got arrested for Islamaphobia in Wally World once for murmuring some ingredients of a medication at the pharmacy..
“Mutafickinmuslimps”…or something.
“Are you free later, for all intensive purposes?”
“Does your significant other pass mustard?”
“Looking at your groceries wet my appetite.”
Peeper or plastique?
“Keep your hands off my sausage!”
Around Christmas I like to say “Hare Krishna” to the cashier. I always get a cheery “Merry Christmas to you, too!!” in response.