Straight Line of the Day: Funny Things To Say to a Cop Who Has Pulled You Over: … Posted by Oppo on 26 August 2025, 12:00 pm “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Oppo, dammit!”
“You’re going to have to run faster; I haven’t figured out how to put it in park yet.” 1 Reply to this comment
Cop replies: “You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right…” 2 Reply to this comment
Lawyer: “It’ll go over better with the judge if you some remorse for being Oppo.” 5 Reply to this comment
“Why no, officer, I don’t know how fast I was going. It sounds like you don’t know either, so why don’t you let me off with a warning?” 2 Reply to this comment
“I was born here, I was raised here, and dadgum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ CrackerBarrel croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.” 1 Reply to this comment
No, I cannot tell you my speed, but being a quantum physicist, I can tell you my location. 4 Reply to this comment
Okay Schrödinger, can you tell me whether or not you’ll be wearing handcuffs when I place you in the back seat? 1 Reply to this comment
“Knock, knock…” “That’s what she said” “So two cops and an Emu pull over an innocent motorist”. 1 Reply to this comment
“Zzzzz — zzzz”
There’s nothing in the trunk
I’m an AG!
“You’re going to have to run faster; I haven’t figured out how to put it in park yet.”
Nice uniform, honey. Does that come in a mens style?
“Don’t you know who I am? I’m Oppo, dammit!”
“I’m not Oppo. You’re Oppo!”
Cop replies: “You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right…”
” . . . to remain Oppo?”
Lawyer: “It’ll go over better with the judge if you some remorse for being Oppo.”
What’s up, Ponch?
“Why no, officer, I don’t know how fast I was going. It sounds like you don’t know either, so why don’t you let me off with a warning?”
“Wapner in ten minutes…”
“The crack pipe’s OK, I’ve got a license for it. I mean, the dog.”
(If the cop is black):
“Oh, man, why you want to do a brother like this?”
“Ricins and legislation?”
“I was born here, I was raised here, and dadgum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ CrackerBarrel croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.”
No, I cannot tell you my speed, but being a quantum physicist, I can tell you my location.
Okay Schrödinger, can you tell me whether or not you’ll be wearing handcuffs when I place you in the back seat?
“This is not the speeder you are looking for…”
Wave hand.
“Knock, knock…”
“That’s what she said”
“So two cops and an Emu pull over an innocent motorist”.