I don’t want to criticize Bush’s speech, as it was in HD, but I would have done things differently. Here would be my speech as president:
American people, I just want to tell you that the State of the Union is strong, yo. And why? Because I’m president, mo’fo’s!
There were people how there who wanted to harm us. They dead! There are still more people out there who want to do us harm. They dead soon too! We’re going to get those sons of bitches and cut their f__k’n heads off. And they ain’t going to run around like chickens; no, they’re just going to lie there and bleed… bleed where their head was!
Some people say all this violence has messed up our foreign policy… those people are jackasses! I say that we’ve taught all the countries out there the most important lesson: You don’t f–k with America! People know now to stay away from us because we crazy; we mess them up. The American people are safe because the foreign people are dead!
We need things good at home too, yo. That’s why I say we cut taxes. We cut them crazy! Some here in Congress don’t want to cut taxes… then I cut you!
(pull out switchblade)
I do it, too! Everyone know that Paco is a man of his words. I say I cut you, then you be cut!
(put away switchblade)
We also reduce spending too. First way we do it is cut welfare in a program called, “Hey, Lazy, You Get Job Now!”. Also, we reduce Social Security in a program called, “Hey, Old People, Stop Being So Old and Get Job Now!”. I also say we cut spending for national parks because I never used them. F__k national parks; we need more condos.
Some may be against these spending cuts… I kill you!
(pull out .45)
That’s right! I’m loco! I blow your f__k’n brains out! Then I pardon myself. There’s nothing you can do, mo’fo’s.
What? You think you can impeach me? Then I kill you all!
(pull out second .45)
You start impeachment hearing, I’ll bust right into the Capitol and splatter you all over the walls! That’s right! You my bitches; you do as I say!
That’s my speech; now you give me standing ovation.
(fire at their feet until they all stand and clap)
That’s right; you clap now… clap like the little monkeys you are.
(put away .45’s)
I’m going now because I want a beer. Just one warning, though: if in the Democratic response they say bad things about me…
(pull out switchblade again)
I CUT THEM!!!
Thank you and God bless.
(exit room by jetpack while laughing maniacally)
Now there’s a speech that would look great on HDTV.
Shit – I’d vote for you
Why a switchblade?…What happened to the sword Paco?
I also noticed you skirted the ninja issue, which does nothing but leave the door open for Kerry to remind us he fought ninjas in Vietnam.
“I do it, too! Everyone know that Paco is a man of his words. I say I cut you, then you be cut!”
Imagine Frank talking like a Latino rapper and the comic ingenuity is revealed in this post.
I just has this vision of Bush climbing out of the jet, pointing over his shoulder at the flight deck of the USS Roosevelt behind him, and yelling, “Say Hello to my lee’l fren’…!”
Frank,
If you’ve never seen this site, you should. You will laugh. Your ass. Off. CNN is an especially fine site to translate through this.
http://www.asksnoop.com/
Nice SOYU, btw. Shit.
Willow
So, our new Latino Rapper, Francisco J(would it be pronounced ‘f’?), will be president. I can just imagine his foreign policy. Enforced by Buck the Marine, he would be like “A’ight my meskin homies, come across the border!” Then he’d turn to Buck and say, “Go to work.”
So I used that Shizzolator on IMAO. I am now just recovering from my spasms of laughter.
But then I tried to click “Comments” while still in the Shizzolator window…
“403 Error: Forbidden
Yo’ ass don’t has permission access /cgi-bin// on this server.”
Additionally, a 404 Not Found error wuz encountered while trying use an ErrorDocument handle da request n’ shit. “
kudos for working in the jet pack…
FRANK…I’M GLAD TO SEE YOU HAVE BROUGHT MORE FIREPOWER. THE JHP’S YOU CAN THROW OUT AT THOSE THAT F*CK WITH YOU, THE BETTER. HOWEVER, I THINK WE NEED TO DISCUSS YOU TAKING A 12 GAUGE ALONG…YOU KNOW, FOR FUN AND GAMES! THEY AINT NUTHIN’ BETTER THAN MAKING SHIT GO BANG!
GOOD LUCK “FRANCISCO J”
MORPH…IN TEXAS WE CALL THEM “MEZ-CANS”
“We also reduce spending too. First way we do it is cut welfare in a program called, “Hey, Lazy, You Get Job Now!”.
Grin
wow…excellent as ever frank. i missed the real sotu but that more than made up for it. now the whole library at my school is wondering why i was cracking up…oh well…
Where were all the special effects. You were complaining that the President didn’t take advantage of the HD broadcast and use any special effects but NEITHER DID YOU!! And the jetpack doesn’t count.
“I cut you so bad…you no wish I cut you that bad”.
“Those are some bad roaches.” “I blame the schools.”
God Bless Family Guy. And IMAO.
Paco Tells It Like It Is
Frank J delivers his own version of the State Of The union speech. More fun than humanly possible. Great way to start the weekend. Thanks, Frank!…
President Bush ride a saddled Saddam into the Capitol Building
Stands at podium, points to Saddam
“Sit down on the floor punkass.”
Turns to the Democrats
“Now, repeat after me. We are all President Bush’s bches now”
**Turns to Republicans
“From now on, ever Friday, you will be allowed to punch Democrats with impunity”
Tom Daschle: “Mr. President, I’m very disappointed in that…””
President Bush: “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Dashcle…your microphone doesn’t appear to be working, did you just tell me to knee-cap you with a baseball bat”
“whimper No Mr. President, I’m going to sit down now”
Good work citizen! Stay strong and do not falter!
Well, Tex, up here in Washington we call ’em fruit pickers.
With that sort of acent you’ll never get elected, Frank. Everybody know that presidents have to have a southern or northeastern accent. Why do you think Ted Kennedy keeps talking funny?
Look who won in the democrat caucuses. The guys with the slight southern drawl kicked ass with the voters while Dean with his howler monkey accent lost.
Let that be a lesson to us all.
I tried to come up with something witty to say as I usually do, but all I can see is that cat staring at me through the monitor.
Oh God, have mercy. I now know what motivated Poe to write as he did.
Nice State of the Union speech though, Frank. So poingent and concise.
frank
Joo have keeled me wit lafter. You one funny dude.
Texas Shootin Solution: We may call them meskins in west texas, but with the borders like this, in another ten years we will call them “boss”.
Liberty Bob: Is it my imagination, or is Edward’s accent getting thicker the closer we get to the South Carolina primary. Or maybe its just me.
texas litigator
Yes and to top it off, put up a picture of Mary Jo Koepechne to scare Sen. Kennedy into submission. That would be great!
State of Chomps
Frank gives his version of a State of the Union speech….
I like your site 🙂 have a nice day!