Bite-Sized Wisdom: Debates, Mars, King Returning, Bobsled Frank, New Year’s Resolutions, and AHHH!

  • I need to get back in the groove before I do another In My World™, so maybe Wednesday. So here is some crap I came up with until then.
  • Did they just have another Democrat debate? I don’t even think the pundits are watching these anymore. The only interest in them is whether any will be able to topple Howard Dean. Well, I hope Dean makes for an entertaining election year. Republicans are predicting it will be a huge landslide, while Democrats are saying he’s going to lose by a much smaller margin than we all think. Only time will tell who is right.
  • So the European Mars probe failed while our Mars probe kicks ass. This once again proves that space is only for Americans and everyone else should stay out of it.
  • I saw Return of the King over the holiday. My only question was did they rewind the king first?
  • With the rise in popularity of DVD’s, how long until no one would get that joke?
  • To those who said to the previous bullet point, “It doesn’t matter because it wasn’t funny in the first place,” screw you!
  • Over the holiday, I went bobsledding where they had the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Here is me putting on my helmet:

    Don’t I look like a Jamaican!
    Here is me getting ready for take off. I’m the one right behind the pilot:

    It was a lot like a roller coaster, except I had to be careful not to bump the guy in front of me or we could all die. I have to say, I’m used to experiencing 1G and it never seemed like much, but once you get to 2G’s and 3G’s and more, you really start to notice it.
  • I guess my home phone number used to be the number of a diabetic medical supplier, because I keep getting all these calls for testing strips. I’ve even added to my answering machine message: “This is a residence, not a diabetic supplier.” Still, every once in a while I get a message from some old person asking, “Are you closed right now? Please call me back at…” Old people: stop being so old!
  • Part of my New Year’s resolutions is to become a superhuman, achieving perfection in both mind and body. I also still plan to be rich and famous by the end of this year. The world needs to hear my opinions, and that’s why it is my right – no my duty – to be rich and famous.
  • Also, I resolve that my posts this year will be so funny that you will look at my posts from previous years and exclaim, “My God! What utter crap! I can’t believe I actually used to like this stuff!”
  • This post is excluded from that resolution.
  • Everyone get their shirts? I haven’t gotten mine yet because I was gone. How are they?
  • Look at this hate mail I got from a Danny Robison:

Subject: you are the biggest damn loser
go to hell

Man, there is like nothing to work with there. It’s like my hate-mailers keep getting dumber. Soon I’ll be lucky if I get anything resembling a coherent sentence.

Subject: no like site
Grerawerr!

  • So, I know what you are all asking: what’s happening in monkey news? Well, the news is… IT’S NOW THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY!!!!
    AHHH!
    AHHH!
    AHHH!
    Stupid Chinese.
  • I keep getting requests for a search function on my site. Why doesn’t everyone just use Google with “IMAO” as a search term (or “site:www.imao.us” to be more exact)? That’s what I do. I guess I could add one anyway, but Google, yo.
  • I need to have a serious discussion with all of you about the future of this blog and… bah, I’ll have it later. I’m tired. Hope you all had a great holiday!
  • One more thing: AHHH!