At least half my e-mail is unsolicited junk e-mail now, and that’s not counting the updates I get from the DNC that someone out there in T.V. land signed me up for. Well, this has to stop, so I set my crack research staff out to find all they can about spam.
FUN FACTS ABOUT SPAM
* Spam is short for “Spiced Ham”. I have no idea what that has to do with unsolicited e-mail.
* You’d think e-mailing some of the spammers back, “Thank you, but my penis is plenty large enough,” would stop them, but you’d be wrong.
* Some ignorant people think that spam is harmless when in fact it depletes one of America’s most important resources: my time.
* How do spammers send out e-mails to millions of people at a time? By worshipping Satan.
* If you mark your e-mail account with lamb’s blood, spammers will “passover” it.
* Spammers almost decided to stop back in 2002, but then one Stuart Dimwitty actually bought a product based on an unsolicited e-mail, thus once again encouraging the spammers. Thanks, Stuart!
* I’m pretty sure all those e-mails from Nigerians who need help moving money are tricks. If not… Oh my God! I’m passing up millions!
* In a fight between Aquaman and Spam, Aquaman would be disappointed when he never got the penis enlarger he ordered, but would be too embarrassed to report it to the Better Business Bureau about it.
* Eventually spam will completely overtake the internet, replacing all other information. It is also spreading into text messages, rendering our phone systems useless. In the end, we’ll be forced back to using the telegraph.
* To recieve IMAO updates by telegraph, the message beep beep dash beep…