- I need to get back in the groove before I do another In My World™, so maybe Wednesday. So here is some crap I came up with until then.
- Did they just have another Democrat debate? I don’t even think the pundits are watching these anymore. The only interest in them is whether any will be able to topple Howard Dean. Well, I hope Dean makes for an entertaining election year. Republicans are predicting it will be a huge landslide, while Democrats are saying he’s going to lose by a much smaller margin than we all think. Only time will tell who is right.
- So the European Mars probe failed while our Mars probe kicks ass. This once again proves that space is only for Americans and everyone else should stay out of it.
- I saw Return of the King over the holiday. My only question was did they rewind the king first?
- With the rise in popularity of DVD’s, how long until no one would get that joke?
- To those who said to the previous bullet point, “It doesn’t matter because it wasn’t funny in the first place,” screw you!
- Over the holiday, I went bobsledding where they had the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Here is me putting on my helmet:
Don’t I look like a Jamaican!
Here is me getting ready for take off. I’m the one right behind the pilot:
It was a lot like a roller coaster, except I had to be careful not to bump the guy in front of me or we could all die. I have to say, I’m used to experiencing 1G and it never seemed like much, but once you get to 2G’s and 3G’s and more, you really start to notice it. - I guess my home phone number used to be the number of a diabetic medical supplier, because I keep getting all these calls for testing strips. I’ve even added to my answering machine message: “This is a residence, not a diabetic supplier.” Still, every once in a while I get a message from some old person asking, “Are you closed right now? Please call me back at…” Old people: stop being so old!
- Part of my New Year’s resolutions is to become a superhuman, achieving perfection in both mind and body. I also still plan to be rich and famous by the end of this year. The world needs to hear my opinions, and that’s why it is my right – no my duty – to be rich and famous.
- Also, I resolve that my posts this year will be so funny that you will look at my posts from previous years and exclaim, “My God! What utter crap! I can’t believe I actually used to like this stuff!”
- This post is excluded from that resolution.
- Everyone get their shirts? I haven’t gotten mine yet because I was gone. How are they?
- Look at this hate mail I got from a Danny Robison:
Subject: you are the biggest damn loser
go to hell
Man, there is like nothing to work with there. It’s like my hate-mailers keep getting dumber. Soon I’ll be lucky if I get anything resembling a coherent sentence.
Subject: no like site
Grerawerr!
- So, I know what you are all asking: what’s happening in monkey news? Well, the news is… IT’S NOW THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY!!!!
AHHH!
AHHH!
AHHH!
Stupid Chinese. - I keep getting requests for a search function on my site. Why doesn’t everyone just use Google with “IMAO” as a search term (or “site:www.imao.us” to be more exact)? That’s what I do. I guess I could add one anyway, but Google, yo.
- I need to have a serious discussion with all of you about the future of this blog and… bah, I’ll have it later. I’m tired. Hope you all had a great holiday!
- One more thing: AHHH!
damnit frank i called you a while ago, where are my diabetes pills?!
Grerawerr!
“…you will look at my posts from previous years and exclaim, “My God! What utter crap!…”
No, I’m to nice to say the obvious.
Welcome back.
Ok I’ve out in the truck trying to skid as out of control as posible through empty parking lots, and digin in the mud and snow until the truck looks like a rolling chunk of muddy ice. Franks been here and had his fun on the bobsled. Now can’t the snow just melt off? I’m getting tired of shoveling the driveway over and over and over again.
Glad your back. Visiting your site helps break up the winter bordom.
I used to have a phone number that was one digit off from the admissions office of the local Christian community college – but these guys were more like Branch Davidians or something. We all expected to see the guys from ATF storm the compound at some point. We had some REALLLYYYY weird messages on our answering machine – made stranger by the fact that my roomies and I had the A-Team theme song as the outgoing message. How you could hear the A-Team and think you were still talking to a school, I have NO idea.
Frank – speaking of searching your site with google – try this one: “pharmacy site:www.imao.us”
Some canadian scumbag has been spamming your comments. I’d bill them $10 a comment and settle for $1 a comment… This will definitely help you one your way to being Rich (and if you win the court battle – famous too!)
Canadians!!!
I don’t think you can get rich in Candadian dollars.
The king was on DVD, so there’s no need to rewind.
Go back to VCR Land, you Luddite!
Monday Menagerie
Robbie at Say Anything has a post about the Democrats answer to Rush Limbaugh…Ed Schultz – whose show is funded (at least in part) by the DNC. Now, I definitely don’t think that Rush is the mouthpiece for Republicans. I
“I keep getting requests for a search function on my site. Why doesn’t everyone just use Google with “IMAO” as a search term (or “site:www.imao.us” to be more exact)? That’s what I do. I guess I could add one anyway, but Google, yo.”
Just get a search engine. This way we can stay on your amazing website while searching for what we need, like your guide to gun calibers or the Terrorism Alert levels.
It’s true Frank – just look here http://www.imao.us/archives/000033.html
The Canucks have hijacked your comments as far back as 2002! Funny thing though…. the last thing they’re hawking is – wait for it – LIPITOR!
AHHH! The EVIL LIPITOR has returned!
AHHH!
Frank every year your work gets better. Not because last years sucked but because you are becoming a better writer. ( Or I am smoking more pot) O well, “you know some people say they can’t belive, Jamaica we have a bob sled team.”
Welcome back, Frnak! The guys and GLORs at the Rottie were worried about you. Bobsledding sounds cool. Much more dangerous than I first thought. And no, you don’t look Jamaican. But to help you feel Jamaican, I’ll plug ‘Red Stripe’… “Hooray Beer!”
you look jamaican if u cover up that white part under the helmet…lol.
Not white, more of a light beige with just a touch of pink…
Damn, year of the Monkey! Momma always said, “Never trust a Monkey…. or a Tree.” At least with bobsleding you don’t have to worry about trees…. or do you? Hmm… Maybe not unless you run for office – and ski a lot. (Man, let me know if that was too vague.)
LokiDoki, I got it (or should I say “I got you babe”?)!
Frank:
I just read in the local (and only) newspaper here in dallas that some guy in fargo, north dakota is now on the radio on 15 stations throwing out the liberal-left monkey-loving position in an effort to counter the right-wing conspiracy in this country. Any chance at all of Buck and Rummy paying him a visit in the near future?
And by the way, NO MORE VACATIONS!!!
mikey
Hey, Frank!
At least you GET hatemail! Here we’ve been trying to get our baby off the ground and not one single solitary email in eight friggin weeks! It’s as quiet as Amarillo on a Saturday night!
‘Course, we did just get blogrolled by http://www.monkeywatch.blogspot.com so Watch Out! We got a hoard of monkeys at our backs now and we’re a’comin! Folks are gonna wish they’d paid more attention to us sooner! MWAH-Hahahahahaha!!!!
Llama Butchers be careful what you wish for. Most hate mail is pretty boring and stupid. The hate mail I’ve gotten over at LibertyBob.com has been the simple “You suck.” type. I added some guidelines asking them to be more specific and the hate mail dropped off almost completely.
Of course, I don’t have Frank’s high level of prestige. Maybe he just attracts a better class of moron.
Thanks, Bob. But remember – we got the monkeys now. Any dissing and we’ll unleash a horde of chattering fur on them. But we’ll keep them away from Frank, cos we think he’s cool.
Frank, I think your hate mail is being generated by an infinite bunch of monkeys pounding on an infinite number of keyboards. That would account for both the content and the recipient.
Monkeys?
AHHH!
Frank,
You should kill those pharmacy comments.
They are using your site’s high rankings on google to boost their own ranking.
The way google works the higher your site is rated the more your links are worth.
Because Frank J. has returned to the Blogosphere, our quality-of-life has improved by several orders of magnitude.:)
MT blacklist Frank–it works!
Funny, I don’t know… But that joke was a little thought-provoking – the part about the increasing popularity of DVD’s was, at least.
Hey, wait.
“I need to have a serious discussion with all of you about the future of this blog and… bah, I’ll have it later. I’m tired. Hope you all had a great holiday!”
?!
Oh sorry about the testing strips thing, I will tell my dad to stop calling.
There’s a song, I am not familiar with who composed it, where a regular fellow moves into an apartment and his phone rings off the hook with people asking for ‘Sheniqua.’ Eventually, his answering machine message becomes, “Sheniqua moved out, leave your message at the beep.”
And his first message, “Yo. Sheniqua. I love you. Call me.”
Regarding Monkeys again, I had forgotten that the chinese zodiac actually has certain elemental qualities attached I think to the specific season of a year you were born in. (the things you learn while blundering tipsily from stall to stall at a renaissance festival{stagger, stagger, crawl.. or was it roll? Oh Bugger!!}) I can only remember metal being one element, I think the other is wood. But I am pretty sure it is NOT Brass, Grease or Butt…
You know, come to think of it, I don’t think the Chinese New Year begins until February. Of course I don’t know much about the Chinese Zodiac, so I could be wrong, but I do believe that this allows for two more months of monkey slaughter before the Chinese get mad at you for it.
Latest threat we cannot protect against!
I feel compelled to speak up about two topics which are embarrassing and unpleasant for me: monkeys and underwear. For reasons I have explained before, I try to avoid monkeys whenever possible. And underwear? I am too much of a…
i think you are an idiot, frank.
i wonder why you are not dead yet.
now this is funny.
enough with the monkey stuff, you friggin’ morons!
anyone who actually thinks any of this is funny is an idiot! and that includes you frank. you big stupid f***ing moron.
boy does this feel good.
go to hell all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are a f***ing loser, frank!!!!!!!!
you f***ing sissy. got no f***ing balls man.
maybe you wanna lick mine? hahaha..