Had my second ever run in with the law on the way back from a dinner in which I introduced SarahK to my friends. An officer pulled me over, and here is the transcript:
OFFICER: Do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: The Krispe Kreme just closed down for the night and you’re bored?
OFFICER: Do you know what the speed limit is on Wickham Road?
ME: No, I usually drive too fast to be able to read the signs.
OFFICER: It’s 40mph. You were going 53.
ME: Well, @%#$! It’s great you stopped me, copper. I could have taken out half the county with such dangerous driving.
OFFICER: Didn’t you see me on the median with the radar gun?
ME: No, but I thought I smelled bacon.
OFFICER: So what’s your previous driving record?
ME: I have a couple of citations for running over dumbass cops.
OFFICER: I’ll need your licenses and registration.
I fling that in his face and he goes back to his car. After a couple minutes…
ME: You fall asleep back there? Let’s get this moving.
He walks back to my car.
OFFICER: Since you were honest with me, I’ve decided to just give you a warning.
ME: A warning? Is that like a threat? You threaten me and I’ll cut you!
I then screeched my tires as I sped off.
(NOTE: Only the officer’s dialogue was real. I think he gave me a break because I was so sincere/clueless. Also, I had a cute passenger.)
What do you mean ‘friends’? Now that you have SarahK full time you have no need for others in your life.
FrankJ clueless? naaawwwwww.
Primero! Frank, were you packing heat?
It’s a good think you were there to keep Sarahk from cutting that kind officer.
Actually, I had forgotten to grab my Kel-Tec that night (but meant to). I wonder if he would have been so cordial if I had the gun on me.
I’m going to have to try this the next time I get pulled over…sans the sarcasm.
“Friends?” Frank J. has friends?! How much is he paying them, and can I get in on the dole? 😉
Frank, you’re too funny. Make sure you tell sarahk how much you appreciate her assistance in getting out of a ticket!
Instead of rambling on about license, registration and whatever I wish they would just say, “your papers, please.”
Actually, Frank undid a couple of buttons on his shirt, and that’s what got him out of the ticket. 😉
Sarahk is the angel taking care of you. About time she moved out there!
Bah! The cop that pulled my wife over, took her licens and her plates, now I am stuck driveing her everywhare
he was soooo clueless, and i think the officer felt sorry for poor Frank. and he probably thought i was hot. 😉
Okay flame me if you want, but seriously…be nice.
I have a very close friend who is a cop and I’ve done ride alongs with her a number of times. Most people get let off the hook…or not even pulled over.
They aren’t looking forward to the encounter any more than you do.
And the a-hole cops are that way because they’ve come across too many people that were a-holes to them.
Just remember, you initiated the stop by doing something wrong…not them.
Kevin,
This was all a joke. I was speeding, so he pulled me over. He decided to give me a break, but if he gave me a ticket, I wouldn’t have complained because it was justified (though I would pretend to complain on my blog).
I knew you were joking, but the all too commmon attitude towards the event I guess just struck a nerve with me.
I’m over-reacting I’m sure, but I had to say something.
It’s just that I’ve seen people actually say stuff like this to a police officer during a stop and it irritates me to no end. And from having drinks with other officers after their shift I know it’s not uncommon.
No kidding about the stupid stuff people say on traffic stops, I liked the “standard” responses when asked it I got my “quota”: “No, five more and I get a toaster” or “Quota, hell, they let me write as many as I want”.
The best thing I ever heard on a traffic stop: While talking to the motorist, a little red camaro (read: undercover narcotics surveilance car” screeched to a halt and a beautiful female (read: former partner)jumped out, ran over to me, threw her arms around me and gave me a kiss, then ran back to the camaro and sped off. The motorist just stared and asked “when is the next police test?” He got a break…
you might be a redneck if
You’re mom doesn’t even take the Marlboro out of her mouth when she tells the Highway Patrolman to
“kiss her ass”.
Kevin & FrankJ.:
I hear ya both. I thought it was hilarious and I’m sure my copper husband would find it funny too. If I was pulled over by one of his buddies, I might even give them a hard time in such a fashion.
I agree w/Kevin though that some of their attitude towards regular folks w/ speeding or minor infractions comes from dealing with A-Holes the rest of the time.
Keep up the funny Frank!
You better not speed near Grand Haven or I’ll cut you.
Frank,
Welcome to the world of the Florida state police. All the speeding tourists drive them wild. Stop and think what they put up year round from out of state visitors. Also, they’ve had to deal with usual problems such as hurricanes and the carjacking/murders of tourists. Give them some slack, they deserve it.
“Frank undid a couple of buttons on his shirt, and that’s what got him out of the ticket”
Hmmmm… looks like Confederate Yankee misspelled “pants”…
Frank, that’s a shame. Wickham Road is such a lovely speed run. All that straight, straight asphalt, going to waste with those stupid speed limit signs….
Slab
What, no cloaking device?
What, no cloaking device?
Yeah, if we could just get hold of those guys at Skunkworks…
Cops are great! I love them. However, I have always wanted to say (just once) when they asked me why I was speeding “Well, my foot was completely pushed to the floor on the gas pedal”…just once!
You forgot:
“40 miles per hour speed limit? Shoot, I park my car at 40 miles per hour.”