“Before we start the questions,” White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced, “I just would like to request that you reporters try and find some other adjectives to describe me with than ‘tubby.'”
“With the death toll from the tsunami likely to hit 150,000, is the Bush administration finally ready to admit that the war in Iraq was a mistake?” a reporter.
Scott just stared back silently in response.
“Bush’s tubby press secretary was rendered speechless by my insightful question,” the reporter said aloud as he wrote in his notepad.
“Okay! That’s it!” Scott shouted angrily, “I put up with your questions about whether Laci Peterson and her child would still be alive if it weren’t for the war in Iraq and whether the Matrix sequels would have been better if we hadn’t ‘rushed to war,’ but now I’m drawing the line. I want some relevant questions.”
“How do you respond to the water god Pochanto saying that the tsunami is in retaliation to Abu Grahib?” another reporter asked.
“Who?” Scott exclaimed, “How do you know that’s not just some crazy guy?”
“It’s not our job as reporters to ‘know,'” the reporter responded indignantly, “It’s our job to say stuff and things to the public.” All the other reporters nodded in agreement.
“Well, even accepting your idiotic premise, the tsunami was caused by an earthquake, so…”
“You admit the Bush administration angered the earth gods then?” one reporter interjected.
“No! There is no relation between the White House policies and the tsunami!”
“Then why weren’t there tsunami during other presidencies, such as the revered Clinton administration?”
“Yeah,” another reporter followed up, “Why won’t Bush ever admit to a mistake and that he has angered the spirits of nature?”
“And how do you respond to the U.N. calling the U.S. stingy in this crisis?”
“How much have you reporters given to help?” Scott challenged.
“It’s not our job to end suffering,” a reporter answered, “It’s just our job to tell people about suffering.” The other reporters nodded in agreement.
Rumsfeld burst through a wall. “Rarr! We will not be stingy with our righteous vengeance!” Rumsfeld yelled as he violently tried to grab the reporters. A chain was holding him back, the end of which was in Chomps’s mouth.
“Please excuse the Secretary of Defense,” Scott said, “He’s been very agitated with reporters since one planted a question with a soldier. Thus, we got Chomps, the world’s angriest dog, to hold him back.”
“Is there any chance that dog will become angry at us instead of the chain he’s holding?”
“Well…”
Chomps stopped violently tugging on the chain to notice the reporters. He then growled, releasing Rumsfeld who shouted “Rarr!” and jumped at the press. Chomps followed suit.

“A whole press conference of reporters was found dead today,” the news anchor announced, “All we’re either mauled, beaten with a chain, or both. Police have no specific suspects but say it was probably the work of an extremist… such as a Christian. All detectives are sure of so far from the evidence collected is that Bush’s Press Secretary is ‘tubby.’ Now stay tuned for a report on how this somewhat senseless slaughter of reporters could have been avoided if it weren’t for President Bush’s rush to war.”