President Bush has plenty of neat new schemes for his second term, but first he has to reduce spending by billions of dollars. Here are my suggestions:
TOP TEN WAYS FOR THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO REDUCE SPENDING
10. Replace corrupt U.N. which steals billions of dollars with less corrupt one that only steals millions.
9. Instead of using expensive laser-guided bombs to take out strategic targets, use nukes and military might to bully enemy countries into bombing selves.
8. Stop paying Ted Kennedy’s bar tab.
7. Cut up all federal government credit cards except for one with a three trillion dollar limit that earns Delta sky miles.
6. Limit construction of golden statues of congressman to one per representative and two per senator.
5. You know, that whole scenario from Logan’s Run would really save money on Social Security.
4. Each month, rate all bureaucratic agencies on their efficiency and burn to the ground the least efficient one.
3. In the Congress’s cafeteria, replace the ketchup in Heinz ketchup bottles with cheaper Hunt’s Ketchup and hope no one notices.
2. Start a “Stabbing Is Fun” campaign in the military to save on bullets.
And the number one way for the federal government to reduce spending is…
Stop caring about the poor.
Poor? What poor?
Jonag – You know – the “poor” people. Like the family down the road on welfare with the SUV and the satellite dish whose kids just got the newest i-pod….
This would have to be overseen by the private sector. Asking the governement to do any of these would be like asking someone to self-castrate
Turn SocSec into a euthanasia lottery – one per million recipients each month. You can’t win if you don’t play.
In regards to Number 4, you also need to nail all the doors and windows shut with the inefficient bureaucrats inside. Otherwise they may move to new offices and start screwing up all over again.
“Stabbing is Fun”…
Now that’s t-shirt worthy!
I love 4 and 2. We could carry the ‘stabbing is fun’ campaign over to the Air Force, replacing bombs with very long scewers on the noses of all aircraft…
Also, once a laser is built, it costs little to use it…
Tracey, You don’t know how true your words are!! We have neighbors who have every latest toy and motorbike that comes out and they are on foodstamps! Only in America!
Count DeMoney:Your Majesty, the peasants are revolting!
Louis XVI:You’re telling me, they stink on ice.
LOL about Hunt’s Ketchup, I always noticed that about the local restaurants in my area (or at least when it wasn’t Heinz).
Also, first to say first.
LOL about Hunt’s Ketchup, I always noticed that about the local restaurants in my area (or at least when it wasn’t Heinz).
Also, first to say first.
Auction off the entire French Riviera in plots to the highest bidder. It ought to bring in a few billion. If the current French residents objects, tell them to complain to the United Nations.
Stabbing Is Fun
Yes, it is. Bayonet, please.
whose poor? the gov already doesnt care about the poor here. if they stopped caring about every other countries poor, and focused on thier own, they would save so much cuz there is less poor in america than there is in the rest of the world.
Number 9 and number 2,would work best.Number 4 would be good,but Evilned is right when he says the employees would have to be burned too.Ain’t no sense burnin’ down the house if all the rats can escape and infest the house next door.
FrankJ
With regards to number 10.
Why is there an ad for Unicefusa.org over on the IMAO sponsor section ???
There are many better agencies providing relief to the people over in South East Aisa that could be spotlighted there. The UN has already misused enough money. Do not help them steal more.
Agree somewhat on Unicef. Although it is the contributors responsibility to not be an idiot.
How about a T-Shirt – “Give to UNICEF? You’re an IDIOT!”
Anyhowdeewho….
I say we lease our mility out for a Billion a day as a base rate. All personal expenditures by military personel outside the USA would be additional. Anything used like bullets, bombs, knives are extra. MOAB’s go for a billion each. The military has complete control over weapon selection.
If a country tries to keep us from using a MOAB, remember that they are Non-returnable, so they must be used at some point prior to our leaving an area…last resort would be to hide the things in Jock Sheeeeracks’ bathroom and wired to the flush handle. Hmmm, Wonder if he uses that thing? Ok, wire it to a motion sensor.