That means 13 are dead and two have some explaining to do. Watch for the adventures of the brand new SoS in an upcoming In My World™.
Tomorrow: Extra long comic!
Archive of entries posted on 26th January 2005
IMAO Exclusive!
What’s it with Michelle Malkin and all her exclusives? I want exclusives! You lazy readers need to e-mail me news tips.
Then again, that would take me reading e-mails and maybe responding to them…
Oh! I’ll just make stuff up!
IMAO EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT IMAO!
SECRET GROUP FORMED TO OPPOSE WHITE HOUSE NOMINEES!
IMAO has just received an exclusive memo through an exclusive source that is quite exclusive. Apparently, it confirms the existence of a special group formed by Senator Byrd to oppose some White House nominees and has as members other prominent Democrats such as Senatorette Boxer and Senator Kennedy. The name of the group is the Kongressional Konfirmation Kabal. Here is the memo as written by Senator Byrd and dated November 31st, 2004:
It is our duty as public servants to ensure that all members of the Bush administration are restricted to people of the white race. We know that Bush wishes to promote his negress and give the Attorney General to a Latino, and this we must stop! My initial thought were that we oppose Condoleezza Rice on grounds of her being a black woman and oppose Alberto Gonzales for being too Mexican, but it seems the opinion of the group that we need further reasons to argue against them. Thus, we should meet in secret again to discuss this. Remember to wear your costumes to hide your identities. Also, I remind you that our budget is small, so member Teddy must be more careful not to vomit on his sheets after his afternoon drinking binges. The number of king size sheets sewn together it takes to cover him are expensive to replace. That is all.
Hail Lord Voldemort!
I’m not sure what all of this means, but I bet it’s big big big! Remember to credit IMAO!
Credit it! ::shakes fist::
Fun Trivia
How many DVD’s of the move Napoleon Dynamite would you have to eat to equal the vitamin E in one bowl of Total cereal?
As Elections Near, Fear Swells
The Iraqi elections near, and if they play out a certain way, they could have disastrous consequences for many. So many are planning on the outcome to play out as they hope, but, if things go differently, all will collapse for them.
Just think of all the horrible things that will happen if the Iraqi elections succeed:
* Senatorette Barbara Boxer will be so disenchanted that she will drop out of the Senate and go back to her old job: crack whore.
* Ted Kennedy will become even more incoherent and red-faced. He’ll be captured by a circus and shown in a traveling freak show through the red states.
* That night, Senator Byrd will wet his sheets and have to find something else to wear the next day.
* All the posters to Democratic Underground will be so distraught that they can no longer hide from reality of how wacked-out they are. Many will collapse to the ground in epileptic fits while other will try to post but end up just pounding at their keyboards like monkeys. None will produce the greatest novel ever written.
* The U.N. will become so irrelevant that it will no longer take up space in its universe. The headquarters will fade from existence. A few New Yorkers will notice and stand there staring at the empty space. When someone bumps into one, he’ll exclaim, “Hey! I’m wondering why there ain’t a building over here, over here!”
* Demand for democracy will spread throughout the Middle East, causing people to rise up against the Saudi royal family. Hundred of Saudi princes will be slaughtered each day which will threaten to end the royal family within only a couple years.
* Members of MoveOn.org will spontaneously combust, burning many important upholstered chairs.
* The media will struggle harder and harder to come up with convoluted ways to say how poorly Bush is doing until just collapsing into mindless name-calling. Eventually the New York Times will headline “Bush Is a Stupid Chimp Face!” before disappearing forever.
* The terrorists in Iraq will be shot by the military… well, more so than usual.
* I’ll do a happy dance, trip over my new kitten Sydney, suffering the 63rd concussion of my lifetime as my head hits the wall. Unfortunately, the lens cap will have been left on the video camera.
* Bush will hold a press conference and laugh that silly laugh of his.
Thus, it is imperative we make sure the Iraqi elections fail as so many people are counting on it to. The ones most actively working to thwart the elections are the terrorists insurgents Iraqi nationalists and should be helped. They are hard to contact to donate money to, but you could go to a local mosque and yell, “Hey, anyone know any terrorists here? I am not – I repeat – not an FBI agent.”
Remember what Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent democracy from spreading.”