A little gray kitten was found in the parking lot of my work place, and I agreed to take her home (when I get back from helping SarahK move this weekend). It’s freaky, man; one moment I’m normal ole Frank J… and soon I’m going to be a cat owner!
Well, I’m trying to think of a good name for a female cat where I can still keep some masculinity. I already had names for dogs picked out from my favorite fiction (when I finally get a dog, I’m naming him “Tuco”), but never considered naming a cat. What’s a good heroine name for a kitty? Best I have so far is “Samus,” but that’s too geeky. Any ideas?
UPDATE: Here’s a picture of the kitten.
Archive of entries posted on 5th January 2005
I Resolve to Be Resolute
LaShawn Barber asked that I link to her, and you always have to do what LaShawn asks, so I’m linking to her list of New Year’s Resolutions – some of which I might steal for myself. Here are some of my own resolutions:
* Publish book that’s a compilation of my In My World’s.
* Make lots of money from doing so.
* Use money for evil.
* Train in handgun usage such that I can easily draw and hit a monkey between the eyes at fifty paces at a moment’s notice.
* Treat SarahK like a princess when she moves here this weekend… unless she starts nagging (BTW, I have a special project with her that I’m keeping secret for now; it’s so cool to have a girlfriend who shares my main hobby).
* Make it big in the radio industry with my audio bits.
* When I make it big, end blog with a final “screw you readers” post.
* Laugh evilly more often.
* Exercise more.
* Wrestle an alligator.
* Use fire to solve more problems.
* Eat healthier to reduce cholesterol.
* Destroy most of my enemies.
* Create more enemies to have as targets of destruction.
* Be better at regularly reading other blogs.
That’s all I can think of now. What were your resolutions?
Frank J. – Reporter!
I’ve always wanted to go to a CPAC, and almost did in my college days, and this time they have an open call for bloggers. Maybe I should try and go and get some interviews with their speakers. If anyone from CPAC asks about this blog, nothing but serious political discussion goes on here; don’t mention ninjas or monkeys.
Fun Trivia
My only run in with the law was receiving a citation for a wide right turn (I turned right into the left lane). What did I exclaim to the police officer upon receiving the fine?
Social Security Reform: Just Give Me My @#$% Money!
An Editorial by Frank J.
There has been a lot of discussion about Social Security reform, but, to me, the issue is pretty simple: just give me my @#$% money! I don’t who exactly has it now, but I swear to God Almighty that I will find you and I will cut you! I see that money that goes out of my paycheck each month; that’s my @#$% money! You say you’re taking that out for my own good? Do you think I’m a dumb baby? That money would serve me much better in mutual funds or on a craps table. You give it back now or you’re a dead man!
“If old people want my @#$% money, then they will have to fight me for it!”
Who thought of this Social Security and that people should take my @#$% money? Oh yeah, it was FDR. I would cut him, but he’s dead already. Maybe I’ll dig up his corpse and hang it anyway… but that won’t give me my @#$% money! I want my @#$% money and I want it @#$% now!
Many would say that to simply allow me to opt out of Social Security would then leave current senior citizens who count on that money in dire straits. To that I answer that I am really crazy and I will cut you if you don’t give me back my @#$% money! If old people want my @#$% money, then they will have to fight me for it! I will break your hip, old man! What do you want more: your hip, or my @#$% money?
Now, let’s look at the positive economic impact from giving me back my @#$% money. For one, there will be less hospital bills, as there will be no reason for me to cut anyone. Second… I don’t need a second reason! Now give me my @#$% or I cut you bad!
Proposals on the table will let me invest in the private sector some of my money taken from me. This to me sounds like only a partial solution to the problem of me not having my @#$% money right @#$% now, and thus I will respond by only partially cutting you… whoever you are who has my @#$% money. Or maybe I’ll just beat you with a rock.
In conclusion, Social Security has served this nation for many years, but now things have changed… such as that now I will cut you if you don’t give me my @#$% money. I may not know exactly where my @#$% money is, but I know where my knife is. Soon I will know where you are, and then I cut you!
Unless I get my @#$% money!
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “I Will Cut You!: The Book of the Samurai” and “The South Beach Diplomatic Solution to Nuclear Proliferation”.