Bush dialed a number at the phone at his desk in the Oval Office. “Guess who’s still President! …That’s right: me, bitch! …Yes, I do have to call you ‘bitch,’ you dumb frog… What do you mean I should foster better diplomatic relations with you? What the hell do I need France for? I have Colorado for dumping nuclear waste in. Well, I guess I can use for dumping old bombs. Anyhoo, tell your terrorists friends I’m coming for them soon.”
Bush dialed another number. “Geuntetag and gesundheit, guess who’s president again, you stupid kraut… That’s right! Now say my name! …Say it! …Put more emphasis on the ‘dubya.’ …Yeah, that’s my name, and you better get used to it because it’s going to be around for another four, mo’fo’.”
Bush hung up and dialed another number. “Hey, you don’t sound like Arafat… He’s dead? Probably died because he heard I’m president again. Yeah, that’s right! So who is this? …Well, Abbas, better watch what you do ’cause I’m president again!”
Bush hung up and kicked over his desk. “Time for more action!”
Scott McClellan ran up to him. “I’m about to hold a press conference, and I was wondering…”
“I’ll handle this one,” Bush announced.
“I don’t know if that’s wise.”
Bush backhanded Scott to the ground. “Shut up. I’m president again!”
Bush walked out to greet the press.
“What is your reaction to how, during the confirmation hearings, Condoleezza Rice pulled out a Tec 9 and…”
“Shut up!” Bush yelled, “I’m president again! Now I ask the questions!” He thought for a moment. “Nah… that would mean you people would still talk. How about I just say stuff and you listen. First off: I’m president again! I don’t have to worry about reelection, so I can do anything I wan’!”
“But…” one reporter began to say.
“Hey, I wonder if any of you reporters can catch this paperweight with your head.” Bush threw a heavy paperweight at the reporters, smacking one in the head and sending him to the ground. “Guess the CBS correspondent wins. Heh heh.”
“I think you gave him a concussion!”
“I know I did!” Bush declared, “’cause I’m the president again! Now listen up, dumbasses: It’s time for me to put my unaccountability to good use. After I feel I’m done with Iraq, I’m going to start attacking other countries. ‘cept now, I ain’t even going to tell you people why. I don’t have to justify myself; I’m president again! As for domestic, I’m giving all the tax cuts to the rich… the really really rich! No one can stop me… ’cause I’m president again! And I’m going to change Social Security… even if I have to throw all the old people out onto the streets. Even the Democrats can’t whine their way out of that one… ’cause I’m president again! Then I’m going to do targeted missile strikes on people in Hollywood and college professor’s I don’t like. Some may call that suppressing freedom of speech, to which I say, ‘I’m president again!’ Oh, and I’m going to have protestors forcefully bathed.”
“You’re insane!” a reporter shouted.
Bush kicked him in the face. “Damn straight, so best stay outta my way! Yee-haw!”
A car sped into the crowd of reporters, hitting a few. The door opened to show the soon to be Attorney General.
“What’s up, Speedy Gonzales?” Bush asked.
“I told you not to call me that!” Alberto shouted back, “Anyway, I saw some people standing around looking suspicious, so I thought we might go violate their rights.”
“Sounds fun,” Bush answered, “You have your sombrero?”
“I keep telling you I don’t wear one, you stupid gringo!”
“Do you have your piñata bat at least?”
“Of course! Do you think I’m loco?”
Bush jumped in the passenger side of the car and put on some sunglasses. “Let’s roll!”