Today’s SLotD courtesy of FormerHostage:
Straight Line of the Day: In an effort to raise their dismal ratings, CNN might have to resort to rebranding their shows. What are some suggestions?
Three from FormerHostage:
Helter Stelter
Brian Stelter: Private Dick
Cuomo da Momo
Erin Burned-out
Full OutFrontal
Wait:
With that title, has CNN possibly been teasing my subconscious all this time?
It was far too subtle for me to unclasp.
Up the Pooper with Anderson Cooper
Down the Cr-pper with Jake Tapper
“Reporting from the bar around the corner thish ish Wolf Blitzed.”
—Reliable Souses
When life hands you a Lemon, make an upgrade
Use a real branding iron…
CNN New Day – We report. You deride.
…. sources? We don’t need no stinking sources.
Cuomo – Crime Time
Fareed Zakaria – Google Maps
Reliable Shills
These Are Lies with Lisa Ling
The Led with Jake Tapper
Anderson Cooper: Still Spinning
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Want to write best selling fiction? Watch for ideas.
Let’s go Brandon!
To tell no truths.
What’s my lie?
Jeopardy for dummies.
Anderson Cooper stays 360 with the added tagline, “Just watch me spin”
The Lead with Jake Tapper. You pronounce it “lead” instead of “lead” (kind of a Basil Basil thing)
This Is C N N
“Ted Turner won’t even watch us.”
All the Hookers and Blow, That’s fit to Show
Hosted by Chris Cuomo.
♩♪
It’s beginning to look a lot like Chris missed
That it’s time to go;
He should be doing five-to-ten
But he’s focus-ing once again:
Big Brother’s lookers and hookers and blow.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Chris missed
Stories in order to score
But the prettiest sight to see
Is the police that will be
At his own front door.
A pair of Hop-a-long boots and a pistol that shoots is the wish of Americans;
But Cuomos who talk and then go for a walk is the hope of Jarretts and Jens;
And Mom and Dad must just hate and wait for school to start again. . .
♩♪
The Baracky Horror Picture Show
Battle of the Netwoke Stars
Fox? Joe Biden!
Fox? Joe Biden!
Fox? Joe Biden!
Really, they’re chanting:
“Vax! Joe Biden!”
There’s a vax to prevent Joe Biden. Wish I’d know about that before the election.
The Atlanta Vogons
Newsicide Is Painless
Not for the viewers.
Breaking News into Little Itsy Bitsy Tiny Fragments
CNN: Always One Step Ahead of The Babylon Bee
Don Lemon Presents the Lemon Party
“CNN: Combing Through Every Aspect of FormerHostage’s Life, With the Cooperation of Microsoft, Google, Amazon, PayPal, Twitter, Facebook, the IRS, and Some FBI Guys Trying To Chat Him Up Conversationally at a Bar. And His School Board. But It’s All Good, Yo.”
The Cuomo Brothers in:
The Fugitives