NASA had landed a nuclear Mars rover — on Mars! It’s named Curiosity and will do a number of missions there.
* Take photos of Mars’s surface, add retro filters, and post to Instagram.
* Seek out suitable area to build a Mars colony in case people need to flee Earth after the size of national debt renders it uninhabitable.
* Get Olympic medal for Mars landing.
* Seek out Mars civilization and then contact the Martian life and tell them, “You didn’t build that.”
* Take soil samples and use spectrum analysis them to confirm that the soil is indeed red.
* Quote lines from the original Total Recall movie.
* Kill cats.
* Get gay married (legal on Mars).
* Check for signs of life. If found, kill it.
* Dispose of unwatched copies of John Carter.
* Check the Verizon coverage map.
* Stare at rocks for hours on end.
Look for the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
Start surveying for Mars University.
From the article
Was there an IMAO flashmob we didn’t know about?
Establish the first Chick-fil-a before the liberals get there.
* To boldly go and sample where no one has sampled before.
* Drill holes into Martian rocks and then pour money into them.
* Look for signs of certain organic molecular so the scientists can conclude, “Yup, there could have been… might have been… should have been… life here at one point, maybe… or maybe not… depending…” and then argue between themselves for decades afterwards. (Gee, I’m so glad we’re paying for that!)
* To inadvertently transfer Earth organisms there and then blame the Russians when the planet is crawling with giant killer sand worms in a few years.
Transmit proof of life back to NASA scientists — BAZINGA!
I recommend it leave Martian cats alone as they are now in possession of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
Mining the Spice.
Swim canals.
Expose Martians to Earth germs and wipe them out in a preemptive strike.
Prove conclusively that the Obama deficit is large enough to be seen with the naked eye from Mars.
War of the Worlds preemptive strike- It’s not nuclear powered, it’s a dirty bomb suicide vest. Also, the rover is programmed to blare ‘Earth is Awesome’ before detonating.
* Find the Little Green Men and perform remotely controlled alien autopsies.
* File UFO reports with a 14-minute time delay.
* Release a cat into the Martian atmosphere and see if its eyes really do bulge out.
*look for roaming herds of buggalo.
Find an alien and probe IT for a change.
Nuke the Mars
Building a “You didn’t build that!”-monument for the Dear Leader.
Check out the Curiosity equipment, it’s armed with a laser to vaporize cats.
* Win the Nobel Peace Prize for promoting peace there with a special Muslim outreach program.
“NASA had landed a nuclear Mars rover — on Mars!”
A NUCLEAR Mars rover!! NUCLEAR!! It may just take a spark or a miss-reading of the amount of oxygen in the atmosphere or what if Curiosity’s curiosity gets to be too much for her/him/it and she/he/it falls off the crater’s rim and the NUCLEAR armed rover lands on a sharp rock?! Then what?! It would look like a giant mushroom was growing on Mars!
You’ve come to the Wong Place