"Suicide hotline, how can we help?" -The person next to me is humming

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) July 2, 2014

In their defense, a lot of the people upset about Hobby Lobby seem to really, really need meds.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) July 2, 2014

Boycotting Hobby Lobby in that I've never actually seen a Hobby Lobby and still don't 100% believe it's a real store.

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) July 2, 2014

The last book I read was when they had closed captioning turned on at the bar.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 2, 2014

"Describe heaven for me" "Well there's a tree by the brook" "Nice, nice" "And a songbird who sings" "Hard pass. I'll take the fire."

— The Natewolf (@thenatewolf) July 2, 2014

My dancing has been described as "this is a funeral" and "you should be ashamed"

— sadvil (@crylenol) July 2, 2014

i invented a cool drinking game: everytime you feel sad, drink a bottle of wine

— fabulous cop! (@fabulouscop) July 2, 2014

Continuing the series: "I'm pro-choice" "So you think people should be able to choose any light bulb for their home?" "Don't be ridiculous"

— AG (@AG_Conservative) July 3, 2014

"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant" Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed "Hi disappointed, I'm dad" Son, did you just- "Yes" You're ready.

— Stevie Nips (@StevieKnip) June 30, 2014