Palestinian leaders are calling for a “day of rage.” Great idea. That’s the problem with the Middle East: not enough rage.

How about instead of a “day of rage” they do a “day of not stupid”?

Went to get coffee, but forgot to bring my coffee mug. That’s the sort of poor thinking that happens before you have coffee.

Did you know there are people who don’t drink coffee? They are the people who are tired and stupid all day long.

Hans Gruber wrote a lot of the Obamacare bill? Can’t say I’m surprised.

So has Hamas ever tried to coherently explain what they hope to achieve by launching rockets at Israel?

PHASE 1: Launch rockets at Israeli civilians
PHASE 2: ???
PHASE 3: Palestinian statehood!

My name was plagiarized from my dad’s name.

I guess I’m for female superheroes like Wonder Woman, but what if saving the world involves math?

My tip for modern, female superheroes: pants. If you’re going to save the world, wear some pants.

A lot of female superheroes dress like saving the world has a bathing suit competition.

Holy. Look at this giant, 3-star review of my book that I don’t even think once mentions my book (I only scanned it).

Just marvel at the insanity that thinking writing a giant rant about “tea-baggers” in a random Amazon review was a great use of time.

I guess I don’t know what it’s like to think you have something to say but no place to say it where it will be paid attention to.

Well, I guess I did when I first started a blog back in 2002. But it didn’t take long to find an audience because I’m awesome.

I always roll my eyes when Chief Sitting Bull tells a joke; they’re all so maizey.