I woke up this morning and I voted.
I voted for all Republican candidates, yet did not take the easy ‘straight republican” option. Its a wonder they still offer that one since we are all gay now. But I filled in the circles for each Republican candidate. I did this so I could write myself in for the offices where a Democrat was running unopposed.
I figure the odds are pretty good that no one will vote for them since they are ‘easy wins’. But won’t they all be surprised when I win several South Alabama judgeships with only one vote?
Archive of entries posted by spacemonkey
I Demand An Apology
In light of everything that’s been said of late. I demand an apology.
Oh yes, an apology. From everyone whose has piled on John Kerry for the comments he made yesterday.
That’s right everybody. Kerry was making a joke about George W Bush being uneducated and stupid. Now, I can understand why no one would recognize it. No one has every attempted such a joke. Uncharted waters. Beware thar be dragons!
Making a joke out of calling the president, of all things, stupid. Who but a mental giant with masters in Humorology like Kerry could ever fathom such? Everyone knows the president is stupid. Everyone has heard of jokes before. But who could think to combine the two? RE-VO-LU-TION-ARY!
While the president IS indeed a grade A moron who made the worst grades in everything everywhere ever. In fact the only A he ever got was in moronic-ness. It’s just never occurred to us simple folk that such a well established fact could be a kernel from which a stalk of humor could be cultivated. It was just too obvious to us! The first of a kind is often misconstrued, unrecognized and misunderstood even feared.
Perhaps this making fun of the President’s I.Q. or lack thereof could be the start of something. Perhaps making light of his chimp-like appearance could follow. Doubtful though, true innovative geniuses like Kerry are never appreciated whilst they live.
Apologize,you ignorant uneducated rubes!
Fox News
Michael J. Fox Fires Back at Critics
Of course, he wasn’t able to HIT any of them.
Do they even bother to think when they write these headlines?
We’re All Crackers Now.
Republicans, Democrats and 3 Dollar Bills
An Editorial By Spacemonkey
As you know by now, Republicans are all completely gay. You, me, all of us. Queer as a proverbial three Euro note (or the regular one Euro note for that matter). Sweet as an all-month sucker. It’s a proven fact. Ask any Democrat and they will assure you that it is so. Try as we may like to deny it, the allegations speak for themselves loudly, openly and proudly. We just have to deal with it. I mean there are lists! With NAMES!
And once you get listed as a gay, there’s simply no unlisting. You don’t go back in the closet, unless you coordinate very well. Even then it’s just to get dressed for an outing of some sort. You just can’t unlick the cat, so to speak. You also can’t unwrestle the snake, though I think I may have coined that term right out of hand, so to speak.
The most stunning part of all this new queer reality or queerality is the idea that we must hate ourselves and not vote for our gay brethren and sistren any ‘mo for the simple fact of our mutual gaiety. But is our own undeniably fabulous gayness a sufficient reason to do as the liberals would have us to do? To do what used to seem unthinkable namely voting for a Democrat? Or staying home and not voting for fear of supporting one of “them” (you know, us)? No, of course not, don’t be such a fag.
The Democrats pushing this crap is like the pot calling the kettle FABULOUS!
We must put aside our self hate and focus on a return to our grassroots of hating all those who hate America. Namely the Democrats. We express our hate for them by keeping them out of office. And by logical extension, the terrorists. We can expressing our hate for them by keeping them from breathing. Who hated us when we were just Americans? Who hates us doubly more now that we are gays as well? I’ll tell you who. Democrats and terrorists. TerrorCrats if you will.
After all, these two groups have demonstrated an affinity for sucking up to each other for mutual benefit time after time and then they spit all over America. Bending over backward to show their sensitivity to each other’s needs and wants. They have formed a circle of trust and openly give each other a hand when a job needs doing to hurt America. What total slimy jerks!
No I tell you TerrorCrats are the real girly men and manly girls. I call on all Republicans to not fall for this “Stay at Homo this Election Day” business. Instead we all need to “Get out the vote! Dress Flamboyant But Vote Conservative!”
Spacemonkey is the author of such books as “We’re Here, We’re WHAT!!!?!? I can’t deal with that”, and “Gay as in Happy” and “The Secret to Staying Super Straight.”
Test
IMAO Fans Are Just Like America!
America demands more roundtable.
Also IMAO fans demand more roundtable.
So it logically follows that IMAO fans are just like America! Yay! The best country ever in the history of nation-states! Go y’all (us).
This remains especially true if “Your mother was a hamster.”
Wild Bill Interview
Wild Bill, the writer at Passionate America and past host of The Carnival of Comedy, was recently a newsbreaker. He and another blogger, Ms. Underestimated, researched and released the name of one of the alegedly underaged Foleygate interns. Their investigtion, contained in this heavily linked post revealed this particular intern was neither underage nor an intern at the time the released IM’s, which are disgusting, were made. This resulted in Mr Bill being interviewed on a number of media outlets. I caught up with Wild Bill in the middle of the chaos. When I realized this was a somebody who was a former nobody to whom I probably appear to be a somebody I decided to interview him and completely un-euphemistically grab the coattails of his sudden rise to fame.
A Spacemonkey Interview with Wild Bill Kerr (incidentally through an IM interface.)
[The following interview was lightly edited for humor, and to correct some of my misssplllellings]
The Past Carnival Has Been UP!
The Y factor hosts this past week’s carnival of comedy
Sorry for neglecting to link it.
Rook At Me!
Undeclared
Pajamas Media is having a contest/survey to see which is a better term for folks who align themselves with neither the Republicans or the Democrats. Currently the group is called x21 which is not very catchy and sounds more like a vitamin the Cylons would have to take to keep their spine nice and red-glowy. So one can easily see they need a new name. The submitted ones in the contest are:
Autonocrats
Centrocrats
Conglomerates
Positionistas
Flexocrats
Freerangers
Hybrids
Mosaics
PHI (Politically Hybrid Individuals)
Pragmatics
Purples
Patriocrats
Mugwumps
Which mostly sound like they are Democrat outcasts, what with all the ‘crats and general envirowienie-ness . I’m not entirely sure this is the case. However, If I were interested in winning the Pajamas Media logo-emblazoned pajamas I’d have entered the following:
- Fencitarians – Does barbed wire make a comfy seat?
- Middlerodans – That’s where most people that get run over, get run over.
- The For-gainst – We like it, we hate, we hike it ,we late it!
- Vaguens – Our postion is mpflflmmfmthph, did you get that?
- Windblosers (long o) – We use meteor-o-logic to figure out what to do.
That’s the best I could come up with. What would you call them?
Comedy Of Comedy Reminder
The host for the carnival of comedy this week will be The Y Factor.
If you have to submit to something, why not submit to the Carnival of Comedy?
But keep your head on, submission isn’t mandatory.
Carnival Of Comedy At The Acme Anvil Company
It’s up, It’s late but it’s up.
I’ll excuse this lateness and not remove any of his IMAO RoninPoints since well, I like anvils.
Comedy Of Comedy Request
It’s carnival time again. But there’s no host. But instead of whining, pointing fingers at your notes and turning red in the face like a house-trailer-library-having-legacy-loser, I’m taking the high road.
The first person to email me at my email addy with the phrase “Bill Clinton is a whiny nincompoop.” will get to host the next Carnival Of Comedy.
C’mon you know you want to. If you don’t then you just might be a Bubba lover.
Update: No response yet.
Update 2: Thanks to Chris at Platypus Society for hosting last week.
Update 3: SteveO at the Acme Anvil Company has graciously called Bill Clinton a whiny nincompoop. Go SteveO! He’s no Bubba lover, unlike the rest of you.
An Unauthorized Carnival Of Comedy
The Carnival has been on hiatus. I’m sure you’ve noticed. Haven’t you? Just humor me.
There has been a development though, a brigand in the spirit of talk like a pirate day, has taken over the good ship Carnival of Comedy and posted it without approval, clearance or authorization.
They also did it without permission. I did not sign off on it or greenlight it.
I did not say it was alright or allowed.
I did, however, say it ws OK.
Go check it out at The Evil Incarnate Blog.
Anarchy Rules.