I’ve been contacted by the WEtards, and they’ve asked for an address to ship the shirt to.
No mention of WEleadership, so I assume that’s now off the table. I’ll accept this as my failure for not making sure I had 50 names submitted in time.
Anyway, here’s the long-promised Stage 2, which I call
OPERATION HELPFUL IDIOT
The Premise: WE doesn’t just want numbers, they want participants. So I’m encouraging the people who signed up as WEtards (“I’s of the WEsistance”) to go to the WE contact page and leave a “helpful” suggestion for solving the climate crisis.
Suggested format:
1) Brief, enthusiastic gushing about the greatness of WE
2) Your brilliant idea for putting a stop to global warming, preferrably to be forced on America by the US government. This idea should be dumb and impractical, but not theoretically impossible (a suggestion like “Superman should eat the sun like an apple until its smaller size offsets global warming” is obviously fake. The goal here is more “fake but accurate”). Try to keep it under 200 words so that people will be more likely to pass it around to their friends in an e-mail.
3) Sign off with some cliche lefty slogan and your hippie alias.
Oh, and don’t be afraid to leave in a few typos and misspellings, just for flavor.
Sample letter:

Dear WE,
I’m so proud to be part of an organization that actually CARES about the EARTH and the FUTURE of our CHILDRN!
I think you’re doing a great job, but WE (I LOVE THAT NAME!) can do more. I’ve heard that cow burping cause’s a lot of greenhouse gas. I think farmers should be forced to put muzzles on all their cows. Like surgical masks, except they should be treated with a chemical that absorbs all that CO2. If you’re putting together a list for Congress, please include mine. Thx.
VOTE NADER ’08!
Summer Sunshine Rainbow Rabinowitz

Now, you don’t HAVE to be a member of WE to participate in Operation Helpful Idiot, but if you ARE signed up, it puts pressure on them to take you seriously, and there’s nothing more pathetically funny than a conflicted liberal.
After you leave your suggestion with WE, send a copy of it to me at wesistance@gmail.com. If I find your “helpful suggestion” to be brief, subtle, and at least moderately amusing, I’ll post it at IMAO so that others may enjoy it also.

Still no word on the T-shirt or WEleadership, but the WEtards HAVE asked for suggestions for making their stupid propaganda commercials:

Suggest the next Unlikely Alliance
You may have seen the ads already. Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich. Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson. Complete opposites. But there they are, together, on a couch. Addressing climate change brought them together.
Now it’s your turn to come up with the next pairing for the couch. Tell us what famous pairs would motivate the rest of America to put aside differences to solve the climate crisis.
Click here to watch the ads and nominate the next “Unlikely Alliance.”
Think of two people who may be polar opposites, but might agree on the need to solve the climate crisis, like Newt and Nancy or the two Reverends have. Who are the two people who, if they came together on this issue, would stop people in their tracks and make them say, “If they can agree on this, so can the rest of us.” Who are the two politicians, sports stars, actors or business people who, if they joined together, could help us reach millions?
We’ll feature breakthrough suggestions on our site, and invite them to join our campaign. You may even see them on the TV screen!

Glad to help:

• Jeremiah Wright and David Duke.
• The Olson twins and unvomited food.
• Clint Eastwood & Spike Lee
• Kos & McCain’s teeth.
• Amy Fisher and Mary Jo Buttafucco.
• Dan Rather and an IBM Selectric typewriter.
• Hillary and Monica
• Mac & PC.
• John Edwards & a Cost Cutters stylist.
• Al Gore and hard science.

Any other happy couples?

Alice, bless her soul, sent me 4 gifts recently.
First, an explanation of how the WEtard Font came to be. Here’s a particularly irksome passage from the article [see also the original press release]:

“Mr. Collins said he wanted a typeface that was “friendlier” than that of [1960’s Swiss/Modernist poster design]. The new typeface, with small, more rounded gestures, is little bit quirky, but has a curiously warm appearance, too.”

Friendly, quirky, curiously warm… sorta like having sex with an apple pie.
Second – an .fla file that contains the font. If someone knows how to do such a conversion, have at it.
Third – a 72 dpi .jpg of the font. If anyone is conversant with font-creating software, this might be useful.
Fourth – a 300 dpi .jpg of the font. Ditto.
If anyone makes a usable TrueType font out of this, drop me a line.
By the way, my initial reaction to the font – after getting a good look at the pointless asymmetrical design of some of the letters (especially p & q) – was that it’s the kind of thing you’d expect from a surly teenager with an ideogram neck tat & multiple facial piercings whose persistent mommy-issues cause a mental blind spot preventing him from telling the difference between “gracelessly inelegant mutilation” and “creative design”.

Polar bears are tragic, innocent victims of global warming.

When they’re not mauling Inuits (careful if you follow the links on that page, as they lead to graphic images).
Or grandmothers
Or Australian zoo-goers
Or nuclear-powered Seawolf class submarines.
And – much like our enemies the Canadians – they like to club baby seals to death for fun. Club them with their long, pointy teeth! (video contains graphic nature-show violence)
Who in the world would want to save this brutal killer?:

The answer – our WEtarded government, who put this bloodthirsty monster on the threatened species list instead of making comfy, decorative rugs out of the genocidal lot of them.
Speaking of which, what else can you use a dead polar bear for?
* speed bump
* Klondike bar display rack
* Put him in the passenger seat so you can use the HOV lane.
* Opening a restaurant specializing in Eskimo cuisine – blubberiffic!
* Paint it green; pass it off as world’s largest Chia Pet.
* Cut it open and use it to keep your Wampa-mauled Jedi friend warm.
I’m sure you’ve got friendly, quirky, and curiously warm notions of your own that you’d like to share.

Volunteers are still stepping forward, and I’m still processing the virtual paperwork.
Meanwhile, some thoughts:
1) Terms associated with this project:
Operation ScreWE – getting me appointed a WeLeader.
WEtard – someone who actually believes and supports WE’s global warming nutjobbery. (Hat tip: Rubeus)
WEsistance – people who actively oppose the WE project
I of the WEsistance – someone who signs up for WE for purposes of ideological espionage.
“WEsistance is facile” – proposed motto.
2) What is stage 2?:
Not sure yet, but I’d like it to be something that makes them squander their resources, which are time, money, and credibility. Anything we can do that makes them use these ineffectually is good.
But more importantly, the process has to be FUN. Yes, I hate these people and everything they believe and stand for, but in the end, I’m doing this for my own amusement and your entertainment.
3) When is the shirt coming?
The membership drive extends until May 30th, so I’m assuming they’ll hand out prizes sometime after that. Stage 2 will be something to do while we’re waiting.
More to come as I make it up.

It just occurred to me – no matter how blatantly mocking of hippieness your WEhugger sacrificial e-mail name is, the tools in charge of the project will not catch on. They’ll simply assume that you’re being self-deprecatingly ironic.

Does anyone know the name of the WE font?

The shape of the “l” seems to be its most distinctive feature.
If I’m going to make fun of these idiots, I’m going to need this font to do it right.
Trebuchet MS bold (bottom) is very close, but not quite it:

I’ll settle for that if I have to, but an exact match would be better.
UPDATE 5-4-08 10:45pm CDT – if anyone has used font creator software, would it be possible to reverse-engineer the font using the samples from the WE front page? They show about 20 letters.

Looks like there are enough volunteers to start, but first I need to test this out with one of my alternate e-mail addresses.
Here’s the live-blog:

1) Although the invite was sent out quickly, it was snagged by my spam-filter. How appropriate.
2) The link shows up in the email as http://www.wecansolveit.org/join, but actually takes you to http://www.wecansolveit.org/page/ic/idol869ruxznor/Sg9ZXA0%253D, which shows up in my browser as http://wecansolveit.org/page/s/signupmain. So many sneaky re-directs from such a truth-oriented program.
3) Oops… had to clear my cookies because the sign-up page remembered my original sign-up info. Just a hint for you new folks who want to sign yourself up 50 times to become WeLeaders and get that sweet, sweet organic cotton T-shirt.
4) Ok, I submitted my e-mail & fake name… where’s my welcome e-mail?
5) ?
6) Profit
7) Ok… I guess they’re checking to see if that e-mail address has already signed up (“Once a new signup is received, Sponsor will compare names against the database to ensure each new sign-up is an Eligible New-Signup”).
8) While I’m waiting, I think I’ll check to see if that URL is consistent… invite another me… caught in spam filter… and now it’s http://www.wecansolveit.org/page/ic/wvwl8how5fscg1/ShVXUgZLFRsWWldbRBVeAApX. How delightfully random.
9) It’s been over over an hour… come ON guys! Put the bong down and welcome me to the collective, already!
10) Ok, bored now… I’ll update this post when something new happens…

By the way, this openly-discussed covert operation needs a cool nickname, like “ScreWE”, or something. Any suggestions?
UPDATE 3:30pm CDT: To answer a question: upon sign-up, they ask for e-mail, first name, last name, and ZIP. Only the e-mail is mandatory.
UPDATE 5PM CDT: Jimmy said, “Don’t know what you really expect to learn from those guys.” – I don’t either, but the site says that WeLeaders will have “access to behind-the-scenes information, events and tools from the We Campaign”, which implies that there will be things going on that they don’t want the general public to know about. I’m curious as to what the eviro-cultists are hiding. And if it’s juicy, I’ll share.
UPDATE 5-4-08 11:30AM CDT: I’m working my way through sending out invites. I still haven’t gotten my “welcome to the collective” email from #4. If you’ve signed up & got your welcome e-mail, let me know.
Ya know, my biggest fear in this whole project is that “behind-the-scenes information” will turn out to be “links to stuff that’s on the website”, and that being a WeLeader offers nothing that isn’t available to regular members.
Not that a group of hippies would ever lie to trick folks into helping pad their membership stats.
UPDATE 5-4-08 12:45PM CDT: From the WE site:

We prefer to receive your donation online to minimize environmental impact of postal mail. However, if you would prefer to send us a check or are not able to donate online, please email us and our development staff will follow up with you.

Slickest paper-trail-elimination technique I’ve ever seen. I’m TOTALLY using that one for my next online scam.

I confess.
I signed up for Al Gore’s WE campaign.
“Keep your friends close…” etc.
This week, their panicky save-the-planet e-mail is something that I could only dream of having the talent to make up. I offer it with [brief commentary]:
“As climate change causes the continued shrinkage of Arctic sea ice, polar bears are increasingly at risk. Leading American scientists say placing the polar bear on the federal Endangered Species list is key to its survival. [Why would we want to encourage the survival of an animal that deliberately hunts and kills human beings?]
“A federal court has given the Bush administration until May 15 to decide if it will list the polar bear as endangered. Click here to tell Secretary of Interior Dirk Kempthorne that the polar bear, and its fragile [see also: “RMS Titanic“] Arctic habitat, requires protection from the effects of global warming.”
“If the Secretary listens to the scientists, the polar bear will gain important protections. Additionally, federal agencies will need to consider how their future activities could affect the species — and that could be an important step [after they cave in to this, we’ll issue our NEXT demand] in leading the government to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions. Please sign our petition to protect polar bears today.”
Today they want to protect furry white terrorists wielding blunt instruments capable of plunging an ocean liner to the darkest depths of Davy Jones, tomorrow I’m guessing it’ll be furry brown terrorists wielding nukes.
These people are not on our side, and I hate them.
Which leads me to my next point: they’re having a membership drive contest until May 30th. If I can get 20 people to sign up, I get an organic cotton T-shirt with the lame-ass WE logo. And if I can get 50 people to sign up, I get “offered the opportunity to become a ‘WeLeader’ and receive a ‘WeLeader’ t-shirt.”
Now despite the fact the title “WeLeader” sounds like I’m winning a urinating contest of some sort, the thought has crossed my mind that such a position might avail me to information about this vile conglomeration of hippies and freedom-haters not generally accessible to the public. Could be interesting.
So I’m testing the waters to see if there are enough people interested in playing along for me to give this a shot. If you’re game for gaming the system, prove your sincerity by leaving a fake hippie nickname for my amusement (like “SunshineRainbow” or “polrbearhugr” or whatever) in the comments. If I get at least 50 volunteers, we’ll move on to stage 2, wherein I’ll e-mail you privately and ask you to tell me what e-mail address you’d like me to send the WE invite to (since you probably don’t want your GOOD e-mail address getting clogged with WEspam).
If I don’t get 50 volunteers, then I’ll know this was an ill-conceived scheme that deserves to die a quick, nasty death, and I’ll not suggest it again.
It’s up to you now.