SPOILERS
So, the summer movie season starts–with a pathetic whimper. This movie is a mess–way too many subplots, way too many villans, way too much rehashing of ground that has been gone over before, way too many changes of heart on a dime by major characters, way too much Aunt May (yeah, I know she only has about 5 minutes of screen time, but it felt like an eternity).
The opening credits was way too long–did we really need to summarize the first two movies? It was purposeless.
Did we really need to revisit the Uncle Ben death thing AGAIN?! Yeah, I get that he’s shook up about it and all, but I can go back and watch Spiderman I if I want to re-experience the intricicies of that plot line.
What is with that idiotic 45 minutes where Harry Osborn suddenly becomes happy go lucky again? Stupid waste of time.
The CGI looked cheap in parts. As I was sitting there, I was thinking–oh, they did it on the cheap because they knew that the story was so miserable once they started editing. And then I found out this was one of the most expensive movies ever!
The Little Nicky sequence was so ridiculous I could hardly believe it. The jazz club scene reminded me of the Jerry Lewis Nutty Professor club sequences.
Kirsten Dunst’s MJ was extremely unattactive–what a whiny, self-absorbed twit–I was hoping this would be the epidsode where she dies.
The thing from space was ludicrous–what is it? where did it come from? why did it focus in on Peter Parker? I had to listen through Aunt May’s nauseating engagement speech, but the director couldn’t spare 5 minutes to explain the black wormy thing (which reminded me a lot of X-Files by the way). And why did the wormy thing take the form of a spider suit? And why did it continue to take that form after it left Spiderman?
The Sandman character was never given a chance to develop. How he teamed up with Venom, I’ll never know–especially in light of the “Jean Valjean” take on his life of crime.
Harry Osborn’s butler forgot to mention he knew that Spiderman didn’t kill his father?!
Perhaps some hardcore Spidey fans, who’ve read a few decades worth of comics could fill in the blanks on all these plot holes, but I certainly couldn’t follow it.
And, can we decide that no more Stan Lee cameo’s are required–each movie he has appeared in more ludicrous fashion, and his cheap toupe doesn’t translate well on to the big screen.
“Kirsten Dunst’s MJ was extremely unattactive–what a whiny, self-absorbed twit–I was hoping this would be the epidsode where she dies.”
I liked the film, but I agree with you.
Also, she looked really old. She had freaking wrinkles, and when she wore that spaghetti-strap gown at the end, her back fat was most unsightly.
‘Nuff said.
I could tell from the previews that this one won’t live up to the first two, which I loved, but I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna go see it (Monday, most likley). I just hope I like it a little better than you Cadet Happy 😉
of course, since my expectations are lower than for the 1st two, there’s a chance it won’t disappoint too much.
“Kirsten Dunst’s MJ was extremely unattractive–what a whiny, self-absorbed twit–I was hoping this would be the episode where she dies.”
Actually, it should have been Gwen Stacy who was slated to die. In the original Spider-Man continuity, she was Peter’s first real love who died at the hands of the Green Goblin (Norman Osborn, not Harry) in more or less the same way you saw with MJ in the first movie. However, the first movie took some plot points from Ultimate Spider-Man (a reboot of the older and more complicated main Marvel universe) and made Peter and MJ neighbors and childhood friends, but kept their relationship the same as the original continuity. So, Gwen Stacy was sort of a pointless introduction at this point.
If they wanted a romance subplot, they should have introduced Felicia Hardy, aka Black Cat, a flirtatious thief/anti-hero and would-be love interest of Spider-Man. Though she is a bit of a cat woman knockoff, the character also dovetails far better into the effects of the black costume/symbiont.
Harry also shouldn’t have been a throw-away villain. He’s supposed to be Goblin 2.0, having studied all of Spider-Man’s moves and weaknesses and learned from his father’s mistakes. Taking him by surprise, he should have handed Peter his ass and then doggedly pursued him wherever he went. Of course you would have to cut out the whole Sandman plot to make room for that.
The way he received the symbiont/black costume was also a contrivance. I would have have had the meteor strike a skyscraper, causing impact damage and a fire, replacing the crane accident. That gets Peter to show up at the scene to pick up the symbiont and rescue Felicia Hardy while she’s at her day job. That kicks off her interest in Spider-Man and she decides to follow him as Black Cat.
In the black costume, Peter decides to go after Harry and comes to the point of killing him, but stops short, having come to his senses. He gets rid of the suit, Eddie Brock receives it, and then starts going on a rampage, though is focused primarily on doing in Spider-Man. Harry, now very pissed and having regrouped, witnesses a televised battle between Venom and Spider-Man. Harry tracks Venom down and teams up with him to try and kill Peter. As they’re double-teaming Peter, he’s barely hanging on. Venom goes in for the kill shot, Harry comes to his own senses, and sacrifices his life to save Peter. Peter, in turn, is able to vanquish the Venom symbiont.
I would end it on a down note. Having lost Harry, I would also have MJ separating from him for a while (until 4, in other words). In 4, I would introduce the Kingpin (or Kingpin of Crime, aka Wilson Fisk), who Peter runs afoul of. Fisk then hires a super-powered hitman, who also happens to be an escaped prisoner from a SHIELD facility (the super-secret federal agency of the Marvel universe). That also leads to the introduction of Nick Fury, head of SHIELD (Samuel L. Jackson would be great for the part). Of course Peter has to run afoul of SHIELD while also dealing with Fisk and his hitman.
So, that’s how I would do it, more or less.
I fell asleep and woke up in the “Little Nicky” goth sequence- I thought it was a nightmare. If you haven’t seen it, here’s a money-saving tip: don’t bother.
“The Sandman character was never given a chance to develop.”
Obviously, you mean his personality, because that whole rising-from-the-sand routine took about ten minutes longer than Aunt May’s engagement speech. I almost fell asleep during that.
I’ll review it later at mm.
The always do that with sequels. Too many villains. They did the same thing with “Batman.”
ONE VILLAIN IS ENOUGH.
I also wish they didn’t get into all this tortured, motivational stuff. It’s a comic book, for Pete’s sake. Keep it simple.
I hated the first movie of the mandatory trilogy. In the museum, Peter’s like, “Oh, a spider has bitten me . . . it couldn’t have been that mutated spider that’s missing; that’s bite could kill me any second now. Naaaaah . . .”
it was like the five hours of king kong batting airplanes out of the sky, or ice skating, while sandman learned to walk.
the movie was improved, however, by having sarcastic comments one my left by sherlock and on my right by SarahK.
A little more eyeliner, and Emo Peter could join Panic! At the Disco, as their pianist.
I think a new villain should be introduced for every 5 minutes of movie.
Sorry to break it to you, but there is already slated to be a spidey 4, 5, and 6.
You guys are all really tough. I liked it — a lot. And the “back fat” complainers — you’re really mean! And the “too many villains” critics — you’re just silly.
Spiderman 3 got two thumbs from this Mom (who saw her last movie when Narnia came out way over a year ago) and from the nine year old boy (who is collecting Spiderman 3 slurpee cups and shared his Sour Patch Kids) who went with me.
Spider Man, Spider Man, does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web. Any size. Catches thieves, just like flies.
Look out! Here comes the Spider Man!!!
You could tell the quality of the film when McGuire and Dunst looked like zombies on the promo’s.
Hollywood? Why is anyone considering those pretend people as experts in ANYTHING!
To me my one complaint was that everyone was too emotional. Almost all the characters cried at one point during the movie. It drive me and my friends nuts to see that. However, I really enjoyed it because of the bigger message behind the film, which is the reason why you have all the villians in this film.
The only msg I ever see in a hollywood movie is “Bush did it” or at least it’s his fault.
You know what would have made this movie better?
Fred Thompson.
Well over all I thought it was a bit weak. Fortunately I know a ton of Spidey lore so I was able to fill in all the plot holes. If I had been by myself I would not have gone and seen it opening night. I would have waited two weeks and caught a mantinee.
However I did go on opening night with my 5 and 4 year old sons. They went absolutly nuts during the movie. They loved it. And judging by they way all the other kids in the movie were abosolutly epileptic during the show they loved it too. My kids only complaint that it took to long to get to Venom. They love Venom and New Goblin. I have come to realize that a movie based on a comic book will never fully meet my expectations. But I did get a kick out of watching my boys get excited watching Spider-Man.
First I haven’t seen the movie but did see the first two. That said much of the criticism seems to be that they weren’t specific enough. I read the comics when I was younger and the Venom saga lasted a really long time. There is no way that anyone, even the great Peter Jackson, could make a movie that would cover all the bases and come in under 3 hours.
People have much the same complaints about most books made into movies. There just isn’t enough time to do justice to the books. Some things have to be left out and like Batman, Spiderman was filled to the brim with angst. Teenage angst but angst just the same.
As for sequels some are better than the first (Lord of the Rings, The Mummy, Men in Black) others are not. I personally take no ones opinion about entertainment to heart as there are some people who think Dumb and Dumber is high comedy and Lost is grand drama. I just have to see it for myself
//People have much the same complaints about most books made into movies. There just isn’t enough time to do justice to the books.//
Knowing, I would be strapped for cash when the movie came out, I bought the book of the movie. I must say I get really into it when I have time to read, it’s non-stop action, plus I get cool details about what the characters are thinking when they do stuff. So I’m really looking forward to seeing this movie and taking Moonbunny and her pals, matinee pricing, and smuggled Reeses cups/MM’s all around!
after reading all this spidey flapdoodle i take back my survey comment of “not too gay!!”..the pseudocons are taking over for sure!!!
Pardon my ignorance concerning the above photo, but who is the meth addict and from where did she pull that hamster?
Dude, that’s so mean. I thought she looked fine. Kirsten Dunst has a tendancy to not wear bras is a lot of her movies. That should have been changed in this movie, but okay I guess not.
Most definitely too much Sandman, too little Venom.
Also, here’s this question I have that’s bugged me for a long time. How does Harry’s Dad talk to him?? Norman starts talking to him way before Harry ever starts becoming the Hobgoblin. And even once Harry had taken the enhancement drugs, wouldn’t it just be another side of him, not his Dad talking? Somebody answer that for me…
hey David M.
can you coem and write our movies for us? we suck at it.