I’m a simple man. The one thing I’ve ever wanted is to be able to right click a folder in a file explorer and open up a command line already in that directory.

If I were running for office, I think a prop I’d have at all my campaign stops would be a switchblade which I’d brandish and say, “I’m gonna cut you, taxes!” I’d be a fun politician. But extremely extremely corrupt.

My biggest problem with Net Neutrality is it’s all about stopping theoretical problems which is always government at its absolute worst.

So is Lisa Simpson now a Disney princess?

If Net Neutrality is repealed:
$4.99 per Tweet
$1.99 per Google search
-$2.99 per Bing search (they’ll pay you)
$0.20 per hitman hired through the dark web
$500.00 if you don’t want Netflix making fun of your viewing habits

Can’t you… can’t you just use a VPN or other proxy to hide your traffic from your ISP?

You’d think Trump being president would cause people to hesitate more about trying to solve everything by giving the government more power, but not even slightly.

Using government regulation to protect your freedom is like using the one ring to protect yourself from Sauron.

Since the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter can consistently put all the evil people into Syltherin, couldn’t they do a Minority Report reboot starring it?

We were watching the repeal of Net Neutrality on TV and my 2yo exclaimed, “Oh no! Dey ‘troy in’net!”
Kids understand.

Just kidding. I don’t watch the news on TV. This isn’t the 40s.

Trump could start a nuclear war, and the left would struggle at how to make that sound worse than ending Net Neutrality or implementing a tax cut.

I don’t care if a celebrity talks about politics — even if their politics are opposed to mine — as long as they have something interesting and not tedious to say.
So I basically want all celebrities to shut up about politics.

Sorry but the “Free Speech” promotion has ended. It now costs a dollar per thing you say, or you can speak as much as you like for $39.99 per month.

Star Wars ranked:
1. Wars
2. Star

Probably a good visual would be for Trump to have some hipster-looking lefty stand in the background and then scream “Noooooooo!” whenever he signs a bill.

Reasons the 70s were tough:
* Failing economy
* Out of control crime/drug problem
* Gas shortages
* The draft
Reasons 2017 was tough:
* The president said something mean and dumb on Twitter and it got me so worked up my tummy hurt

I never watched The Tonight Show so I still think of Jay Leno as “that guy from the Doritos ads.”

If Trump fires Mueller, I’m going to take to Twitter and tweet something like, “There’s Trump, at it again.” I’m working on it in my drafts folder.

According to the RottenTomatoes and Cinemascore, I follow on Twitter everyone in America who didn’t like The Last Jedi.

Merry Christmas! And happy holidays we inflate in importance for multicultural reasons since they happen to be near Christmas!

Maybe things aren’t getting worse and you’re just getting whinier.

I don’t know what helps more poor people: capitalism or socialism.
I don’t know what drives faster: a Porsche 911 or a Barbie Power Wheels convertible.

Politicians are idiots who kill money like Lenny kills puppies. If you want money to thrive and reproduce, you need to get it away from politicians.

I’m writing a survival guide to the rich keeping even more of their own money. It will cost $5, but it will be well worth it when you consider all the hazards of someone else having more money.

If you’re the U.S. President, you can go to Disney World for free whenever you want, but then you have to stand in for your animatronic at the Hall of Presidents whenever they ask.

Trying to do some subtle graphical like from iOS but for a Mac app is a bit of headache. Don’t even get me started on Windows form; I had to write my own class just to do placeholder text in a text box.

If anyone is saying anything about the tax bill, they’re probably lying. Only trust people not talking about it.

If you support everything Trump does or oppose everything Trump does, you’re what’s wrong with this country.

The difference between taxation and a mugging is no one ever tells you you’re supposed to be thankful for a mugging.