Straight Line of the Day: Just Before the VP Debate…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Just before the VP debate…
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October 11th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
…Joe Biden consulted with his debate Coach: Son of Bob.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:16 pm
…the glue in Biden’s hairpiece failed.
…Obama said “Just be yourself, Joe.” Joe then scratched his butt.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
…Paul Ryan was seen polishing his B*&$^ Slapper.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
… Raddatz was seen texting X’s and O’s to Barry.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:23 pm
… Joe Biden was heard counting the number of letters in “jobs”.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:23 pm
…biden put in an emergency call for neil kinnock
October 11th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Joe picked up a fake barbell; and an arrow-through-the-head gag. This isn’t going to be pretty.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
… a local gent was seen trying to put money on Joe Biden at a local book making establishment. The bookie almost shot him.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
… joe asked who his “life lines” were.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
… Joe was asking the wait staff which fork to use at dinner later. He thought the answer was “use the Force, Joe!” He almost popped a vein in his temple.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
… The Obama campaign conceded the election and released a statement that says “who are we kidding?”
… Obama arrived at the golf course, determined to get in as much golf as possible while he still has his presidential pass.
… Every communication satellite inexplicably went offline for 90 minutes
… Ryan was declared the winner
… Obama had an asprin factory in Libya bombed
… Biden finally beat level 11-9 in Angry Birds – he was excited because he’d been stuck on that one for like 6 days
October 11th, 2012 at 12:31 pm
… Joe was seen trying to straighten out his hair after Paul had given him a swirly in the VP restroom.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
…Ryan ran the numbers on the Federal budget; Biden ran his mouth.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
…women dropped what they were doing hoping to see Ryan’s muscles; Biden dropped his jaw when he saw them.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:42 pm
…they told Biden that going out in black face make up would not be a good idea.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:44 pm
…Ryan did a quick review of von Mises’ Human Action…Biden reread his copy of Highlights.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:48 pm
. . . Joe Biden was running through his complete repertoire of Pat and Mike jokes.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:55 pm
…Joe Biden was heard to say “I’m looking forward to spending more time with my family”.
October 11th, 2012 at 12:58 pm
The crowd starting chanting: two men enter, one man leaves, two men enter, one man leaves…
October 11th, 2012 at 1:04 pm
… Joe was found sobbing in a heap having just been informed by Valarie Jarrett that he was actually the one that had to debate Ryan…
October 11th, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Biden was fitted with an electronic shock collar to ward off the occasional ethnic slur.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:06 pm
…Biden’s aids will check one final time to make sure the hamster is still on the wheel.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:06 pm
. . . the New York Times already printed its debate coverage article declaring Biden the winner.
. . . Joe Biden put on shoes two sizes too big thinking his foot wouldn’t fit in his mouth.
. . . Paul Ryan told Joe Biden “I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back”. Biden fell for it. When they walked on stage, Biden had both hands tied behind his back.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:14 pm
….Biden was wanting to take a tour of Fort Knox.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:22 pm
… Biden went potty – all by himself.
… the crowd was seen practicing the ‘thumbs down’ signal to the moderator.
… Biden reviewed his notes about how Romney and Ryan don’t get the middle class. He then checked his teeth to make sure they had been properly bonded and checked to make sure his tan wasn’t too orange.
… Obama was seen praying to Allah for mercy
… Biden was told to be aggressive with Ryan, so he started practicing barking like a chihuahua.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:26 pm
…a special Mideast lamb was brought in to Joe’s dressing room just in case.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
…four words, Joe: rope a dope.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:36 pm
…Irishmen everywhere cringed.
October 11th, 2012 at 1:45 pm
…Joe Biden went to his happy place.
October 11th, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Joe Biden swigged the bottle of Jack Daniels dry, smashed it on the bar, and brandished the jagged edge shouting, “ya wanna piece of me? Ya wanna piece of me!”
October 11th, 2012 at 2:49 pm
. . . Obama was so nervous he ate a cat by mistake.
. . . Hillary Clinton was about to walk on stage, slapped her forehead, then returned to her seat.
. . . Dan Quayle gave Joe Biden a smile and two thumbs up sign.
October 11th, 2012 at 3:06 pm
… Leslie Nielsen opened the door to Biden’s hotel room, peeked his head in and said, “good luck, we’re all counting on you”
October 11th, 2012 at 3:11 pm
… Joe Biden was instructed to drink a Smart Water, study his talking points on his Smart Phone, and drive to the debate in a Smart Car.
It won’t help.
October 11th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
…..someone should remind Sen. Ryan that if he ties Joe’s brain in a knot, he going to have to take it out.
October 11th, 2012 at 3:13 pm
…MSNBC declared Biden the winner thinking that if they started the spin early enough nobody would question them.
…Obama decided to replace Biden on the ticket with a candidate to be name later.
…Valarie Jarrett was seen giving the ‘approved’ questions for the debate to Raddatz.
October 11th, 2012 at 3:14 pm
… Biden sucked in his gut in front of a mirror and wondered if he can take Ryan in the all-important swimsuit portion of the debate
October 11th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
…we all wondered how many new, ‘true facts’ Biden will reveal tonight.
October 11th, 2012 at 3:34 pm
hadsil says:
October 11th, 2012 at 2:49 pm
. . . Obama was so nervous he ate a cat by mistake.
+1000!!!
October 11th, 2012 at 3:57 pm
…they finally convinced ol’ Joe that the “Pants Optional” rule was not in force at this venue.
October 11th, 2012 at 4:06 pm
… Biden put on a fake mustache and tried to sneak away
… Biden went through the names of all his straw men in his head to make sure he doesn’t confuse them
… Biden asked for a Mulligan
… MSNBC had Chris Matthews’ leg hooked up to a defibrillator
October 11th, 2012 at 4:09 pm
@blarg “… MSNBC had Chris Matthews’ leg hooked up to a defibrillator”
~~~~~
And is was floppin’ and twichin’ before they even turned it on!
October 11th, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Biden finished writing his notes on his hand, walked onstage, and waved to the crowd.
October 11th, 2012 at 4:55 pm
… Biden was reminded that any time he sees that guy in the first row tug on his right earlobe to shut up
… Biden said “so I just have to keep it together until the ‘do you believe the world was created in 6 days” question and then I’m home free, right? “
October 11th, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Just before the VP debate…Biden asked if he could debate the empty chair instead.
October 11th, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Just before the VP debate…WWF stopped everything, because they knew they couldn’t beat the smackdown that was about to happen.
October 11th, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Just before the VP debate…Biden heard a bell toll.
October 11th, 2012 at 5:25 pm
…Joe chilled by licking the windows on the short bus, then took off his foam helmet, combed his hair, and stepped off the short bus to the adulation of dozens.
of people waiting to take their day trip to the zoo. he’d wandered onto the wrong bus again. “These windows taste like retard spit!”
Said one of the tourgoers, sitting in the seat occupid by Biden.
October 11th, 2012 at 6:31 pm
…Biden was memorizing some zingers he thought up: “There you go again,” “You’re no Jack Kennedy,” “I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski,” “Four score and seven year ago…”
…Biden asked why Simon Cowell wouldn’t be available for his X-Factor audition tonight.
…They finally broke the news to Biden he wasn’t debating Sarah Palin this time.
October 11th, 2012 at 6:52 pm
…Biden was shot when he tried to fist bump Obama, who was actually in California.
…Biden was dropped of by some al Qaeda terrorists who delayed a bombing to make sure he got there safe.
October 11th, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Biden was shot when he tried to fist bump Obama, who was actually in California.
Dohtimes for the win! Bacon indeed!
October 12th, 2012 at 3:14 am
… it was announced that the servers on Joe Biden’s favorite game were to be merged. Joe said, “Wow! You mean we’re running for America, Canada, England AND Mexico?”
October 12th, 2012 at 7:28 am
…Biden hid all the empty chairs.
October 12th, 2012 at 8:13 am
… Martha Raddatz joined team Biden for their debate strategy meeting.
October 12th, 2012 at 5:55 pm
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