Straight Line of the Day: Just Before the VP Debate…

Posted on October 11, 2012 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Just before the VP debate…

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54 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Just Before the VP Debate…”

  1. Conservatarian says:

    …Joe Biden consulted with his debate Coach: Son of Bob.

  2. Jimmy says:

    …the glue in Biden’s hairpiece failed.

    …Obama said “Just be yourself, Joe.” Joe then scratched his butt.

  3. Critter says:

    …Paul Ryan was seen polishing his B*&$^ Slapper.

  4. Critter says:

    … Raddatz was seen texting X’s and O’s to Barry.

  5. Critter says:

    … Joe Biden was heard counting the number of letters in “jobs”.

  6. jw says:

    …biden put in an emergency call for neil kinnock

  7. tomg51 says:

    Joe picked up a fake barbell; and an arrow-through-the-head gag. This isn’t going to be pretty.

  8. Critter says:

    … a local gent was seen trying to put money on Joe Biden at a local book making establishment. The bookie almost shot him.

  9. Critter says:

    … joe asked who his “life lines” were.

  10. Critter says:

    … Joe was asking the wait staff which fork to use at dinner later. He thought the answer was “use the Force, Joe!” He almost popped a vein in his temple.

  11. blarg says:

    … The Obama campaign conceded the election and released a statement that says “who are we kidding?”

    … Obama arrived at the golf course, determined to get in as much golf as possible while he still has his presidential pass.

    … Every communication satellite inexplicably went offline for 90 minutes

    … Ryan was declared the winner

    … Obama had an asprin factory in Libya bombed

    … Biden finally beat level 11-9 in Angry Birds – he was excited because he’d been stuck on that one for like 6 days

  12. Critter says:

    … Joe was seen trying to straighten out his hair after Paul had given him a swirly in the VP restroom.

  13. Jimmy says:

    …Ryan ran the numbers on the Federal budget; Biden ran his mouth.

  14. Jimmy says:

    …women dropped what they were doing hoping to see Ryan’s muscles; Biden dropped his jaw when he saw them.

  15. AwesometificAmerican says:

    …they told Biden that going out in black face make up would not be a good idea.

  16. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    …Ryan did a quick review of von Mises’ Human Action…Biden reread his copy of Highlights.

  17. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . Joe Biden was running through his complete repertoire of Pat and Mike jokes.

  18. DamnCat says:

    …Joe Biden was heard to say “I’m looking forward to spending more time with my family”.

  19. tomg51 says:

    The crowd starting chanting: two men enter, one man leaves, two men enter, one man leaves…

  20. shane says:

    … Joe was found sobbing in a heap having just been informed by Valarie Jarrett that he was actually the one that had to debate Ryan…

  21. g says:

    Biden was fitted with an electronic shock collar to ward off the occasional ethnic slur.

  22. coldguy says:

    …Biden’s aids will check one final time to make sure the hamster is still on the wheel.

  23. hadsil says:

    . . . the New York Times already printed its debate coverage article declaring Biden the winner.

    . . . Joe Biden put on shoes two sizes too big thinking his foot wouldn’t fit in his mouth.

    . . . Paul Ryan told Joe Biden “I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back”. Biden fell for it. When they walked on stage, Biden had both hands tied behind his back.

  24. Cliff says:

    ….Biden was wanting to take a tour of Fort Knox.

  25. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … Biden went potty – all by himself.

    … the crowd was seen practicing the ‘thumbs down’ signal to the moderator.

    … Biden reviewed his notes about how Romney and Ryan don’t get the middle class. He then checked his teeth to make sure they had been properly bonded and checked to make sure his tan wasn’t too orange.

    … Obama was seen praying to Allah for mercy

    … Biden was told to be aggressive with Ryan, so he started practicing barking like a chihuahua.

  26. Jimmy says:

    …a special Mideast lamb was brought in to Joe’s dressing room just in case.

  27. Jimmy says:

    …four words, Joe: rope a dope.

  28. Jimmy says:

    …Irishmen everywhere cringed.

  29. Drew says:

    …Joe Biden went to his happy place.

  30. Silverfiddle says:

    Joe Biden swigged the bottle of Jack Daniels dry, smashed it on the bar, and brandished the jagged edge shouting, “ya wanna piece of me? Ya wanna piece of me!”

  31. hadsil says:

    . . . Obama was so nervous he ate a cat by mistake.

    . . . Hillary Clinton was about to walk on stage, slapped her forehead, then returned to her seat.

    . . . Dan Quayle gave Joe Biden a smile and two thumbs up sign.

  32. blarg says:

    … Leslie Nielsen opened the door to Biden’s hotel room, peeked his head in and said, “good luck, we’re all counting on you”

  33. Dan S. says:

    … Joe Biden was instructed to drink a Smart Water, study his talking points on his Smart Phone, and drive to the debate in a Smart Car.

    It won’t help.

  34. seanmahair says:

    …..someone should remind Sen. Ryan that if he ties Joe’s brain in a knot, he going to have to take it out.

  35. Marc says:

    …MSNBC declared Biden the winner thinking that if they started the spin early enough nobody would question them.
    …Obama decided to replace Biden on the ticket with a candidate to be name later.
    …Valarie Jarrett was seen giving the ‘approved’ questions for the debate to Raddatz.

  36. blarg says:

    … Biden sucked in his gut in front of a mirror and wondered if he can take Ryan in the all-important swimsuit portion of the debate

  37. Jimmy says:

    …we all wondered how many new, ‘true facts’ Biden will reveal tonight.

  38. tomg51 says:

    hadsil says:
    October 11th, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    . . . Obama was so nervous he ate a cat by mistake.


  39. Mxymaster says:

    …they finally convinced ol’ Joe that the “Pants Optional” rule was not in force at this venue.

  40. blarg says:

    … Biden put on a fake mustache and tried to sneak away

    … Biden went through the names of all his straw men in his head to make sure he doesn’t confuse them

    … Biden asked for a Mulligan

    … MSNBC had Chris Matthews’ leg hooked up to a defibrillator

  41. Jimmy says:

    @blarg “… MSNBC had Chris Matthews’ leg hooked up to a defibrillator”


    And is was floppin’ and twichin’ before they even turned it on!

  42. tomg51 says:

    Biden finished writing his notes on his hand, walked onstage, and waved to the crowd.

  43. blarg says:

    … Biden was reminded that any time he sees that guy in the first row tug on his right earlobe to shut up

    … Biden said “so I just have to keep it together until the ‘do you believe the world was created in 6 days” question and then I’m home free, right? “

  44. CTCompromise says:

    Just before the VP debate…Biden asked if he could debate the empty chair instead.

  45. CTCompromise says:

    Just before the VP debate…WWF stopped everything, because they knew they couldn’t beat the smackdown that was about to happen.

  46. CTCompromise says:

    Just before the VP debate…Biden heard a bell toll.

  47. og says:

    …Joe chilled by licking the windows on the short bus, then took off his foam helmet, combed his hair, and stepped off the short bus to the adulation of dozens.

    of people waiting to take their day trip to the zoo. he’d wandered onto the wrong bus again. “These windows taste like retard spit!”

    Said one of the tourgoers, sitting in the seat occupid by Biden.

  48. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …Biden was memorizing some zingers he thought up: “There you go again,” “You’re no Jack Kennedy,” “I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski,” “Four score and seven year ago…”

    …Biden asked why Simon Cowell wouldn’t be available for his X-Factor audition tonight.

    …They finally broke the news to Biden he wasn’t debating Sarah Palin this time.

  49. Dohtimes says:

    …Biden was shot when he tried to fist bump Obama, who was actually in California.

    …Biden was dropped of by some al Qaeda terrorists who delayed a bombing to make sure he got there safe.

  50. CarolyntheMommy says:

    Biden was shot when he tried to fist bump Obama, who was actually in California.

    Dohtimes for the win! Bacon indeed!

  51. the SASS Man says:

    … it was announced that the servers on Joe Biden’s favorite game were to be merged. Joe said, “Wow! You mean we’re running for America, Canada, England AND Mexico?”

  52. rodney dill says:

    …Biden hid all the empty chairs.

  53. Yosoff says:

    … Martha Raddatz joined team Biden for their debate strategy meeting.

  54. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Just before the VP debate…” […]

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