Straight Line of the Day: Just Before the VP Debate…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Just before the VP debate…

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  1. …the glue in Biden’s hairpiece failed.

    …Obama said “Just be yourself, Joe.” Joe then scratched his butt.

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  2. … a local gent was seen trying to put money on Joe Biden at a local book making establishment. The bookie almost shot him.

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  3. … Joe was asking the wait staff which fork to use at dinner later. He thought the answer was “use the Force, Joe!” He almost popped a vein in his temple.

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  4. … The Obama campaign conceded the election and released a statement that says “who are we kidding?”

    … Obama arrived at the golf course, determined to get in as much golf as possible while he still has his presidential pass.

    … Every communication satellite inexplicably went offline for 90 minutes

    … Ryan was declared the winner

    … Obama had an asprin factory in Libya bombed

    … Biden finally beat level 11-9 in Angry Birds – he was excited because he’d been stuck on that one for like 6 days

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  5. …women dropped what they were doing hoping to see Ryan’s muscles; Biden dropped his jaw when he saw them.

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  6. … Joe was found sobbing in a heap having just been informed by Valarie Jarrett that he was actually the one that had to debate Ryan…

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  7. . . . the New York Times already printed its debate coverage article declaring Biden the winner.

    . . . Joe Biden put on shoes two sizes too big thinking his foot wouldn’t fit in his mouth.

    . . . Paul Ryan told Joe Biden “I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back”. Biden fell for it. When they walked on stage, Biden had both hands tied behind his back.

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  8. … Biden went potty – all by himself.

    … the crowd was seen practicing the ‘thumbs down’ signal to the moderator.

    … Biden reviewed his notes about how Romney and Ryan don’t get the middle class. He then checked his teeth to make sure they had been properly bonded and checked to make sure his tan wasn’t too orange.

    … Obama was seen praying to Allah for mercy

    … Biden was told to be aggressive with Ryan, so he started practicing barking like a chihuahua.

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  9. Joe Biden swigged the bottle of Jack Daniels dry, smashed it on the bar, and brandished the jagged edge shouting, “ya wanna piece of me? Ya wanna piece of me!”

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  10. . . . Obama was so nervous he ate a cat by mistake.

    . . . Hillary Clinton was about to walk on stage, slapped her forehead, then returned to her seat.

    . . . Dan Quayle gave Joe Biden a smile and two thumbs up sign.

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  11. … Leslie Nielsen opened the door to Biden’s hotel room, peeked his head in and said, “good luck, we’re all counting on you”

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  12. … Joe Biden was instructed to drink a Smart Water, study his talking points on his Smart Phone, and drive to the debate in a Smart Car.

    It won’t help.

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  13. …MSNBC declared Biden the winner thinking that if they started the spin early enough nobody would question them.
    …Obama decided to replace Biden on the ticket with a candidate to be name later.
    …Valarie Jarrett was seen giving the ‘approved’ questions for the debate to Raddatz.

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  14. … Biden sucked in his gut in front of a mirror and wondered if he can take Ryan in the all-important swimsuit portion of the debate

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  15. … Biden put on a fake mustache and tried to sneak away

    … Biden went through the names of all his straw men in his head to make sure he doesn’t confuse them

    … Biden asked for a Mulligan

    … MSNBC had Chris Matthews’ leg hooked up to a defibrillator

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  16. @blarg “… MSNBC had Chris Matthews’ leg hooked up to a defibrillator”

    ~~~~~

    And is was floppin’ and twichin’ before they even turned it on!

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  17. … Biden was reminded that any time he sees that guy in the first row tug on his right earlobe to shut up

    … Biden said “so I just have to keep it together until the ‘do you believe the world was created in 6 days” question and then I’m home free, right? “

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  18. Just before the VP debate…WWF stopped everything, because they knew they couldn’t beat the smackdown that was about to happen.

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  19. …Joe chilled by licking the windows on the short bus, then took off his foam helmet, combed his hair, and stepped off the short bus to the adulation of dozens.

    of people waiting to take their day trip to the zoo. he’d wandered onto the wrong bus again. “These windows taste like retard spit!”

    Said one of the tourgoers, sitting in the seat occupid by Biden.

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  20. …Biden was memorizing some zingers he thought up: “There you go again,” “You’re no Jack Kennedy,” “I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinski,” “Four score and seven year ago…”

    …Biden asked why Simon Cowell wouldn’t be available for his X-Factor audition tonight.

    …They finally broke the news to Biden he wasn’t debating Sarah Palin this time.

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  21. …Biden was shot when he tried to fist bump Obama, who was actually in California.

    …Biden was dropped of by some al Qaeda terrorists who delayed a bombing to make sure he got there safe.

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  22. Biden was shot when he tried to fist bump Obama, who was actually in California.

    Dohtimes for the win! Bacon indeed!

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  23. … it was announced that the servers on Joe Biden’s favorite game were to be merged. Joe said, “Wow! You mean we’re running for America, Canada, England AND Mexico?”

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  24. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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