Archive for the ‘The Usual Stuff’ Category

Changing the meaning of words…and how it probably makes Webster very mad. If he were alive I mean.

Thursday, July 23, 2015 10:22 am

We have a problem America. Or ‘Merca. Or the U S of A. Or, the Fifty Oppressive White People States. Whatever you people call yourselves now.

Anyway, that problem is the mercurial nature of definitions. I mean, it’s gotten really bad. Like…you can’t even define a woman any more. And forget an African American. Apparently you can choose your “race” and sex all willy nilly and nature has nothing to say about it any more.

Too bad the dinosaurs didn’t have that ability. They could have avoided the whole extinction thing by self-identifying as birds or something. You know, since they apparently had feathers. Which ironically makes them more birds than a fake fro makes Rachel Dolezal a black woman. Or fake whatycallits makes Bruce Jenner a woman.

But the one redefinition, or re-branding if-you-will, that makes absolutely no sense is the left calling themselves “liberal”. Seriously…just stop. We’ve had enough. Y’all aren’t liberal about anything except the boundaries of your lunacy. I mean, think about it. “Oh, look at me, I’m a liberal and I love freedom because I love huge government that tells me what freedom is and isn’t”.

Seriously? That isn’t liberal. I mean, super-liberal himself Thomas Jefferson would be spinning in his grave. Trying to get into his Super Liberal costume no doubt, but it’s a grave. Way less room than a phone booth.

It’s really time for my fellow, whatevers, to start calling a spade a spade. A man is a man. A woman is a woman. A white American is an American. A black American is an American. Rachel Dolezal is a weirdo. Bruce Jenner is some sort of creature or something. A “liberal” is actually a leftist. Or a progressive. Those are synonyms.

I mean, if we don’t have actual definitions for things, then how do we know what anything is?

(Cross posted at Nuking Politics )

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The Illustrated Frank J: Government

Wednesday, July 22, 2015 10:00 pm

[source]

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Satire – Planned Parenthood Offers Apology for Organ-Harvesting Video

Monday, July 20, 2015 7:00 pm

[A Guest Post from Hitch] [High Praise!]

To whom it may concern:

We at The Planned Parenthood Action Fund (PPACT) are taking this opportunity to address allegations that have recently come to light, albeit in a heavily edited video. Regardless of how this information became public, there are issues at hand here that we do not take lightly.

First, during the video (which we are still trying to corroborate, due to the incredibly heavy amount of editing) Dr. Deborah Nucatola was observed eating a salad with grilled chicken and red wine. Further investigation has determined that the salad was not organic, and the chicken was not certified free-range and cruelty-free. To represent the organization in public while forsaking these core PPACT values is something we do not take lightly.

As a result, effective Monday July 20th, Dr. Nucatola has been suspended (with pay) for five days. (Also, a Sauvignon Blanc would have been a more appropriate choice to accompany the salad.)

Sincerely,
Your friends at PPACT

————-

UPDATE – *sigh*… turns out this wasn’t too far from the actual apology.

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Happy Birthday, SarahK!

Sunday, July 19, 2015 11:00 am

BirthdayCakeIt seems like it was just a year ago that we celebrated SarahK’s birthday. But, it’s that time again. So we all want to wish Happy birthday to SarahK, the Official IMAO T-Shirt Babe and mother of the Next Generation.

How are you celebrating? Because July 19th should be a day for celebration. It’s one I’ve celebrated for years. And, it’s one you should be celebrating, too. So, how are you celebrating this Most Awesome Day?

And gifts. Don’t forget the gifts. SarahK needs gifts. So, what are you getting her?

Oh, and speaking of gifts, what would be the perfect gift for Frank J. to present to SarahK today?

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Yes, Ayatollah. Do it to Me Again

Friday, July 17, 2015 9:45 am

If you thought the Iran Deal was bad, well, it seems more like a betrayal. My man in State slipped me some of the details that aren’t being reported in the media:

  • President Rouhani has openly begun referring to Obama’s negotiating style as “The Monica.”
  • President Rouhani was granted carte blanche use of Obama’s veto power and given the master remote to all the drones.
  • John Kerry will now be referred to as Caitlyn and must always wear a hijab in public.
  • Reagan’s grave will be moved to Tehran where Ahmedinejad may spit upon it with impunity.
  • Iranian officials will be allowed to make anytime/anywhere inspections of US nuclear facilities.
  • Israel was declared a nuclear-free zone.
  • On college campuses, women may not level charges of date rape without three additional witnesses.
  • Progressive restaurant owners will not be allowed to refuse to cater gay hangings.
  • The south wall frieze of Mohammad at the Supreme Court will be sandblasted and replaced with a carving of Obama prostrate before the Ayatollah.
  • Iran gets first dibs on all Planned Parenthood fetal parts.
  • The IRS will now be collecting a flat jizya tax from all non-Muslims on behalf of our Iranian overlords.
  • The hostages from the Iranian Hostage Crisis will be returned to Iran.
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What I’ve Been Working On: Love Gov

Tuesday, July 7, 2015 8:26 am

I know my blogging has been a bit, well, light for a while, but that’s because I have a day job with Emergent Order that uses up a lot of my creative energy. And it’s time to finally show you the big project I’ve been working on!

Love Gov

If you remember Obama’s “Life of Julia”, it’s kind of like a more realistic portrayal of that.

It’s five episodes, and you can binge watch now. And not only did I write for this series, I did the programming for the associated app (and I hid some funny stuff in there).

Enjoy! And I’d love to hear what your favorite lines are. Also, keep an eye out for a brief cameo by me.

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Free Trade for Me…

Tuesday, June 23, 2015 4:00 pm

My man in State got me a copy of the full Obamatrade bill. There are some interesting clauses tucked away inside:

  • The EU will reduce tariffs on US goods if the US agrees to take Greece
  • The next pressing of the $10 bill will feature “Where’s Biden?” hidden puzzles on the bills
  • Commits the US Treasury to buy up large quantities of Monopoly money and Boardwalk
  • It grants Obama the right of Prima Nocta for all sex slaves brought into the country
  • Hillary will be traded to the Bakongo tribe for a goat pelt, a pair of earrings and a lip disc
  • Mexican cartels can buy their guns directly from ATF rather than through that shady fast and furious scheme
  • The OPM will be responsible for the oversight and security of all internet transactions
  • Trade relations with the US will be predicated upon a nation’s exuberance for homosexuality (Fine Print: all muslim countries are exempt from this requirement)
  • For all future loans from Red China, red states will be offered as collateral
  • The White House and Congressional communications system will be outsourced to Bob in Mumbai
  • Price controls will fix the global price of white folk at $1.99/kg
  • Putin is granted the Kardashians/Jenners in exchange for stopping staring at Michelle’s posterior and giving Barack those scary looks
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Top 10 Ways to Convince People You’re Right and They’re Wrong

Monday, June 22, 2015 11:00 am

Are you tired of other people being wrong all the time? Over at PJ Media, I rank all the different ways of convincing people to think like you, i.e., think correctly.

The internet is nifty. You can communicate and share information with people across the world instantly. There’s just one big problem with all this open discussion: Not everyone’s opinion is the same as mine.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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Having Been an American in Asia, I Can Confirm This

Wednesday, June 17, 2015 9:00 pm


[How do you distinguish Americans?] (Viewer #2,182,767)

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Straight Line of the Day: Reporters Were Asked to Leave the White House Briefing Room Because…

Wednesday, June 10, 2015 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Reporters were asked to leave the White House briefing room because…

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Promoted Comment: A Short Conversation

Tuesday, June 9, 2015 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to NO_MO_BAMA]

Straight Normal person: “Gay marriage” is an oxymoron and your real goal is to create division and divert attention from what’s really going on in this country, just as the communists have been telling you to do since the 50’s.

Gay person: That’s hate speech, you’re a bigot, I’m gonna sue you if you don’t bake me a cake and take pictures at my wedding, people like you need to be killed.

Straight Normal person: What are you talking about? I’m not a baker or a photographer and why are you entitled to your opinion but I’m not entitled to mine? You need therapy.

Gay person: Help!! Help!!! I’m being repressed!

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Shielded

Monday, June 8, 2015 8:00 am

Under the nuclear deal, Iran has agreed to grant “managed access” to military sites.

Great. So it’s like going to the prom with a girl whose parents are chaperoning.

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EconPop – The Economics of Cast Away

Thursday, June 4, 2015 11:00 am

New EconPop from Emergent Order, this time on Cast Away and specilization:

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Frank J.’s Birthday

Thursday, June 4, 2015 6:00 am

Nuclear cakeYes, it’s a national holiday. It’s Frank J.’s Birthday!

For some reason, I have to go to work today. Maybe it’s one of those Monday holidays like Washington’s Birthday or something. It was kinda quiet on Monday, come to thing of it.

Anyway, if you’re not at home celebrating, be sure to wish everyone you see a Happy Frank J.’s Birthday today.

But, and here’s the most important thing, at least as far as Frank J. is concerned. What did you get him? He wants presents. Lots and lots of presents. So be sure to list all the presents you sent Frank J. There will be an accounting.

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Well Said

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 10:00 pm

[High Praise! to American Digest]

“HILLARY CLINTON: Such a Big Train Wreck That She Should Run on The Amtrak Ticket”

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Cartoon of the Day – She

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 7:00 am

20150602MikeLester
[Mike Lester – GoComics]

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Wait… Someone Likes Vanilla?

Saturday, May 30, 2015 10:00 pm

(Submitted by Veeshir [High Praise!])

I’m still trying to decide if this is very subtle satire, or someone who’s WAYYYYYYYY too passionate about ice cream flavors and easily offended.

Which means I’m torn between saying “Oh! How delightfully clever!”, and accusing the guy of blending puppies (because that’s what happens to bloggers who slight the powers-that-be at IMAO).

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Is Vanilla Ice Cream the Downfall of the U.S.?

Wednesday, May 27, 2015 11:00 am

I have a piece at PJ Media about how the existence of vanilla ice cream possibly shows a weakness that could destroy our country.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t like vanilla ice cream. It’s a perfectly fine treat by itself. What makes it so baffling, though, is that other flavors of ice cream exist.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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The President’s Memeorial Day Speech

Monday, May 25, 2015 12:00 pm

President Barack 0bama presided over the traditional Memorial Day services at Arlington National Cemetery earlier today, by thanking all of the Navy Corpsemen and other fallen members of our armed services present who had died protecting our nation from the scourge of Climate Change.

After solemnly laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Comic by mistake, the President delivered his Memorial Day Address to the assembled throng of military and media.

“Let me be clear,” the President said in his typical articulate, bright and clean manner, his trousers perfectly creased, “It is only because of the ultimate sacrifice of brave men and women like yourselves over the past four-hundred-some-odd years, who gave your lives raising awareness of ManBearPig across all fifty-seven states, that we have been able to keep the scourge of the pending Global Climate Catastrophe at bay. To those of you who have not been derelict in your duties, your efforts have been nothing short of… Error. Reset required. Press control-alt-delete to reboot system.

With that, the ceremony was abruptly ended and the President whisked away to a luxurious private golf course for the remainder of the day after grabbing some ice cream.

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Remembering Those Who Didn’t Make It

Monday, May 25, 2015 7:00 am

On Memorial Day, I sometimes get thanked for my service (US Navy, 1985-1991), but that’s what Veteran’s Day is for. Today, it’s about the men who sealed their oath to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution with their blood.

Springer’s Blog has some thoughts on that.

And his post reminds me to ask the question “what happened to the guys who raised the flag on Iwo Jima?”

IwoJima.com answers to my satisfaction.

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