Archive for the ‘The Usual Stuff’ Category

The Real Height of Irony

Wednesday, September 2, 2015 7:00 pm

Hillary said:

“I find it the height of irony that a party which espouses small government would want to unleash a massive government effort, which might include national guard and others, to go and literally pull people out of their homes and their workplaces, round them up and, I don’t know, put them in buses or boxcars, in order to take them across the border.”

Meanwhile, under President Bill Clinton:

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Obama Warned Us – Iran Deal

Wednesday, September 2, 2015 2:00 pm

“Those who say we can walk away from this deal and maintain sanctions are selling a fantasy.” – President Obama #IranDeal

@BarackObama

“Sure, we were doing exactly that a few weeks ago, but now it’s just crazy talk!”

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Busy

Wednesday, September 2, 2015 9:02 am

Hey, sorry I’m basically not posting, but I’ve had no time in the mornings and the next kid is coming any day now. But eventually I’ll get back to it. Anyway, here’s a column of mine from a month ago I missed ever linking to.

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Random Thoughts: President Biden, Sesame Street, and RINOs

Wednesday, August 19, 2015 9:12 am

After years of divide, the country was finally brought together in 2018 to help rescue President Biden from being trapped down that well.

The Hillary email story is no a big deal. There’s nothing in Constitution preventing someone from being elected president while in prison.

I really think we should expand our search for presidents beyond the immediately family of previous presidents and 90s novelty acts.

Stop it with all the new memes! I still haven’t figured out what “on fleek” means.

What I’d point out to Felicia Day is that thing Thatcher said about being a lady probably also applies to being a geek.

Big Bird needs government funds to survive as much as Mickey Mouse does.

*holds up plane ticket
“It’s a lie! You straight outta nothing! Says here you has a 2 hour layover in Minneapolis!” -dialog from that movie

About time Sesame Street got gentrified.

It would be easier to take Trump supporters seriously if they stopped doing insane, incoherent things like supporting Donald Trump.

This whole Trump thing would be over quick if the GOP establishment put out a statement urging people to not jump off cliffs.

Man, I’m just thrilled anyone at all enjoys listening to ten and a half hours of my writing.

Anyway, hope all the new readers/listeners are enjoying Superego. I’ll get started on the sequel soon.

My current understanding is that it’s only okay to conform to female gender stereotypes if you were born a man.

Happen twice in a week bought software online and it took a day to get the license. How is that not automated?

Everyone is a RINO. The “Republican” is but an ideal man we all strive to be, but no one can truly achieve this.

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Superego on Audible for Only $3.95

Tuesday, August 11, 2015 8:12 am

Today, the featured Daily Deal on Audible is everyone’s favorite story about a psychopathic hitman, Superego. That means for today only, you can buy it for only $3.95. That’s less than 38 cents per hour of listening enjoyment. And you don’t even have to be an Audible member to get that sale price.

I mean what’s left to be said about Superego? It’s exciting. It’s funny. It apparently has some moral philosophy baked in. And it’s only $3.95 for the Audible version today. So if you don’t have that, buy it now. You’d be insane not to. You’d be more of a psychopath than Rico.

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From a List of “Aliens” Trivia

Wednesday, August 5, 2015 7:00 pm

The list is pretty “meh”, but number 12 warmed my heart, so I’ll just share that one.

12. SIGOURNEY WEAVER DIDN’T WANT TO USE A GUN.

She’s not a fan of them, and she lobbied Cameron to let Ripley go the entire film without using one. Cameron talked her into it after taking her to a shooting range and showing her how fun it could be. (“Another liberal bites the dust,” he joked on the DVD commentary.)

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War: A Winning Attitude

Tuesday, August 4, 2015 7:00 pm

Dr. Seuss on beating the Japanese:

From 1941-1943, Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, drew over 400 political cartoons for the newspaper PM. Among them were racist[sic] portrayals of Japanese people with slant-eyes, pig-noses, and coke-bottle glasses. When readers complained about these depictions, Dr. Seuss wrote back saying, “But right now, when the Japs are planting their hatchets in our skulls, it seems like a hell of a time for us to smile and warble: ‘Brothers!’ It is a rather flabby battlecry. If we want to win, we’ve got to kill Japs… We can get palsy-walsy afterward with those that are left.”

I’d say the lesson applies equally well to Muslims.

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Little Help?

Monday, August 3, 2015 10:57 am

Per Rihar:

Speaking of gangsta, this summer when I was in Austin I went to a graffiti wall that was actually several stories of concrete walls. (Stinkin’ hot there this time of year). On the highest level there was IMAO with a mushroom cloud over the “O”. I guessed it was a thinly veiled “welcome to Austin”.

Can anyone confirm/send pics?

UPDATE (from Rihar [High Praise!]):

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Changing the meaning of words…and how it probably makes Webster very mad. If he were alive I mean.

Thursday, July 23, 2015 10:22 am

We have a problem America. Or ‘Merca. Or the U S of A. Or, the Fifty Oppressive White People States. Whatever you people call yourselves now.

Anyway, that problem is the mercurial nature of definitions. I mean, it’s gotten really bad. Like…you can’t even define a woman any more. And forget an African American. Apparently you can choose your “race” and sex all willy nilly and nature has nothing to say about it any more.

Too bad the dinosaurs didn’t have that ability. They could have avoided the whole extinction thing by self-identifying as birds or something. You know, since they apparently had feathers. Which ironically makes them more birds than a fake fro makes Rachel Dolezal a black woman. Or fake whatycallits makes Bruce Jenner a woman.

But the one redefinition, or re-branding if-you-will, that makes absolutely no sense is the left calling themselves “liberal”. Seriously…just stop. We’ve had enough. Y’all aren’t liberal about anything except the boundaries of your lunacy. I mean, think about it. “Oh, look at me, I’m a liberal and I love freedom because I love huge government that tells me what freedom is and isn’t”.

Seriously? That isn’t liberal. I mean, super-liberal himself Thomas Jefferson would be spinning in his grave. Trying to get into his Super Liberal costume no doubt, but it’s a grave. Way less room than a phone booth.

It’s really time for my fellow, whatevers, to start calling a spade a spade. A man is a man. A woman is a woman. A white American is an American. A black American is an American. Rachel Dolezal is a weirdo. Bruce Jenner is some sort of creature or something. A “liberal” is actually a leftist. Or a progressive. Those are synonyms.

I mean, if we don’t have actual definitions for things, then how do we know what anything is?

(Cross posted at Nuking Politics )

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The Illustrated Frank J: Government

Wednesday, July 22, 2015 10:00 pm

[source]

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Satire – Planned Parenthood Offers Apology for Organ-Harvesting Video

Monday, July 20, 2015 7:00 pm

[A Guest Post from Hitch] [High Praise!]

To whom it may concern:

We at The Planned Parenthood Action Fund (PPACT) are taking this opportunity to address allegations that have recently come to light, albeit in a heavily edited video. Regardless of how this information became public, there are issues at hand here that we do not take lightly.

First, during the video (which we are still trying to corroborate, due to the incredibly heavy amount of editing) Dr. Deborah Nucatola was observed eating a salad with grilled chicken and red wine. Further investigation has determined that the salad was not organic, and the chicken was not certified free-range and cruelty-free. To represent the organization in public while forsaking these core PPACT values is something we do not take lightly.

As a result, effective Monday July 20th, Dr. Nucatola has been suspended (with pay) for five days. (Also, a Sauvignon Blanc would have been a more appropriate choice to accompany the salad.)

Sincerely,
Your friends at PPACT

————-

UPDATE – *sigh*… turns out this wasn’t too far from the actual apology.

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Happy Birthday, SarahK!

Sunday, July 19, 2015 11:00 am

BirthdayCakeIt seems like it was just a year ago that we celebrated SarahK’s birthday. But, it’s that time again. So we all want to wish Happy birthday to SarahK, the Official IMAO T-Shirt Babe and mother of the Next Generation.

How are you celebrating? Because July 19th should be a day for celebration. It’s one I’ve celebrated for years. And, it’s one you should be celebrating, too. So, how are you celebrating this Most Awesome Day?

And gifts. Don’t forget the gifts. SarahK needs gifts. So, what are you getting her?

Oh, and speaking of gifts, what would be the perfect gift for Frank J. to present to SarahK today?

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Yes, Ayatollah. Do it to Me Again

Friday, July 17, 2015 9:45 am

If you thought the Iran Deal was bad, well, it seems more like a betrayal. My man in State slipped me some of the details that aren’t being reported in the media:

  • President Rouhani has openly begun referring to Obama’s negotiating style as “The Monica.”
  • President Rouhani was granted carte blanche use of Obama’s veto power and given the master remote to all the drones.
  • John Kerry will now be referred to as Caitlyn and must always wear a hijab in public.
  • Reagan’s grave will be moved to Tehran where Ahmedinejad may spit upon it with impunity.
  • Iranian officials will be allowed to make anytime/anywhere inspections of US nuclear facilities.
  • Israel was declared a nuclear-free zone.
  • On college campuses, women may not level charges of date rape without three additional witnesses.
  • Progressive restaurant owners will not be allowed to refuse to cater gay hangings.
  • The south wall frieze of Mohammad at the Supreme Court will be sandblasted and replaced with a carving of Obama prostrate before the Ayatollah.
  • Iran gets first dibs on all Planned Parenthood fetal parts.
  • The IRS will now be collecting a flat jizya tax from all non-Muslims on behalf of our Iranian overlords.
  • The hostages from the Iranian Hostage Crisis will be returned to Iran.
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What I’ve Been Working On: Love Gov

Tuesday, July 7, 2015 8:26 am

I know my blogging has been a bit, well, light for a while, but that’s because I have a day job with Emergent Order that uses up a lot of my creative energy. And it’s time to finally show you the big project I’ve been working on!

Love Gov

If you remember Obama’s “Life of Julia”, it’s kind of like a more realistic portrayal of that.

It’s five episodes, and you can binge watch now. And not only did I write for this series, I did the programming for the associated app (and I hid some funny stuff in there).

Enjoy! And I’d love to hear what your favorite lines are. Also, keep an eye out for a brief cameo by me.

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Free Trade for Me…

Tuesday, June 23, 2015 4:00 pm

My man in State got me a copy of the full Obamatrade bill. There are some interesting clauses tucked away inside:

  • The EU will reduce tariffs on US goods if the US agrees to take Greece
  • The next pressing of the $10 bill will feature “Where’s Biden?” hidden puzzles on the bills
  • Commits the US Treasury to buy up large quantities of Monopoly money and Boardwalk
  • It grants Obama the right of Prima Nocta for all sex slaves brought into the country
  • Hillary will be traded to the Bakongo tribe for a goat pelt, a pair of earrings and a lip disc
  • Mexican cartels can buy their guns directly from ATF rather than through that shady fast and furious scheme
  • The OPM will be responsible for the oversight and security of all internet transactions
  • Trade relations with the US will be predicated upon a nation’s exuberance for homosexuality (Fine Print: all muslim countries are exempt from this requirement)
  • For all future loans from Red China, red states will be offered as collateral
  • The White House and Congressional communications system will be outsourced to Bob in Mumbai
  • Price controls will fix the global price of white folk at $1.99/kg
  • Putin is granted the Kardashians/Jenners in exchange for stopping staring at Michelle’s posterior and giving Barack those scary looks
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Top 10 Ways to Convince People You’re Right and They’re Wrong

Monday, June 22, 2015 11:00 am

Are you tired of other people being wrong all the time? Over at PJ Media, I rank all the different ways of convincing people to think like you, i.e., think correctly.

The internet is nifty. You can communicate and share information with people across the world instantly. There’s just one big problem with all this open discussion: Not everyone’s opinion is the same as mine.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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Having Been an American in Asia, I Can Confirm This

Wednesday, June 17, 2015 9:00 pm


[How do you distinguish Americans?] (Viewer #2,182,767)

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Straight Line of the Day: Reporters Were Asked to Leave the White House Briefing Room Because…

Wednesday, June 10, 2015 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Reporters were asked to leave the White House briefing room because…

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Promoted Comment: A Short Conversation

Tuesday, June 9, 2015 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to NO_MO_BAMA]

Straight Normal person: “Gay marriage” is an oxymoron and your real goal is to create division and divert attention from what’s really going on in this country, just as the communists have been telling you to do since the 50’s.

Gay person: That’s hate speech, you’re a bigot, I’m gonna sue you if you don’t bake me a cake and take pictures at my wedding, people like you need to be killed.

Straight Normal person: What are you talking about? I’m not a baker or a photographer and why are you entitled to your opinion but I’m not entitled to mine? You need therapy.

Gay person: Help!! Help!!! I’m being repressed!

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Shielded

Monday, June 8, 2015 8:00 am

Under the nuclear deal, Iran has agreed to grant “managed access” to military sites.

Great. So it’s like going to the prom with a girl whose parents are chaperoning.

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