Ordinary Average Guy

After leaving the White House, former President Obama was spotted kite-surfing with billionaire Richard Branson on Branson’s private island in the Caribbean.

It’s good to see Obama hasn’t lost his touch with the common folk… who give liberals 10-figure donations.

[title reference link]

Send to Kindle

Here’s What Honest Opposition to Cracking Down on Illegal Immigration Would Sound Like (You’ll Never Hear This)

[High Praise! to Scott Adams’ Blog]

I understand that the likely cost in American lives will range between zero and several thousand dead and wounded over the next ten years. On top of that, I recognize that the families of the victims are destroyed at the same time, so perhaps 100,000 people will be adversely affected by looser immigration of the type I favor. I accept that risk to maintain the rights of non-Americans to immigrate here and to preserve the national character of the United States as a nation of immigrants. I also think it makes it easier to combat terrorism because it makes us look like less of an enemy to Islam.

Send to Kindle

I Find Painstaking Handcraftsmanship Soothing to My Soul

[Making of an Equus Lined and Raised Belt] (Viewer #288,548)

Yours for only £300.00

Send to Kindle

Again: The Unparodyable Left

From an article on the Berkeley riots over a scheduled campus appearance by a conservative speaker:

But UC Berkeley sophomore Jonathan Gow, 19, rejected Yiannopoulos’ insistence that free speech took a hit.

“The whole reason we’re here is for free speech,” Gow said. “Milo’s hate speech is not allowed here. When it’s hate speech, our free speech is to shut him down.”

Send to Kindle

This Is Why I Don’t Take the Liberal Media Seriously

From a CNN piece discussing the Trump travel ban in Q&A format:

How big is the backlash?

It’s global. Hundreds showed up at airports across the country…

Hundreds… across the whole USA…

Personally, I’d say that if it’s fewer than the number of Americans who visit a shooting range every day, it’s not something we need to worry about.

Send to Kindle

The Mexi-Cannon!

[reposted from 2007]

Illegal Mexicans got you down? You’d like to deport them, but think of all the paperwork and the long drive to toss them over the border.

But now, deporting Mexicans is as easy as saying “Go home, invader!” if you use…

Simply place the Mexican in the Mexi-Cannon™, and its patented cannon technology takes over from there, delivering the Mexican back to Mexico in the blink of an eye.


Still, there are millions of illegal Mexicans in America. Can one cannon really deport all of them?

Yes it can with its Rapid-Fire Action!

That’s right; the Mexi-Cannon™ can fire more than one Mexican at a time!

Soon all the Mexicans will be flying back to Mexico. Take that, evil Mexican Presidente!

The Mexi-Cannon™: For all your deportation needs!

THE MEXI-CANNON™ FAQ

Q. Can the Mexi-Cannon™ be used for deporting Canadians?
A. The FDA has only approved the use of the Mexi-Cannon™ on Mexicans.

Q. Will the Mexi-Cannon™ hurt Mexicans?
A. No. Mexicans don’t feel pain like you and me.

Q. Aren’t the Mexicans simply here to pick lettuce and thus don’t deserve to be fired out of a cannon?
A. Wrong! Picking lettuce used to be my job. Now I’m unemployed and have nothing left to do but sit around all day and draw pictures of Mexicans being fired out of cannons. Don’t let this happen to you; buy the Mexi-Cannon™ today!

Send to Kindle

Trump Translated: 2 Rules

We will follow two simple rules: BUY AMERICAN & HIRE AMERICAN! #InaugurationDay #MAGA

We’re like Recovery Summer except with actual profits and jobs.

Send to Kindle

Link of the Day: Satire – Trump Claims America Should Never Have Given Canada Its Independence

[The Burrard Street Journal]

Trump Claims America Should Never Have Given Canada Its Independence

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Send to Kindle

Christmas 2016

The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2

  1. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
  2. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  3. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  4. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  5. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  6. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  7. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  8. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  9. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  10. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  11. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Send to Kindle

The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

— Clement Clarke Moore, 1822

Send to Kindle

Not Available in Stores

deplorable-life

It’s been a rough couple of months for Progressives, but now there’s reason to celebrate!

Five long years in the making, billions of taxpayer dollars appropriated, now, at long last, you can finally sing along to a brand new batch of Non-Denominational Gender-Fluid Gluten-Free Winter Solstice Seasonal Favorites like these…

I’m Gettin’ Trumpkin for Christmas (Middle America is Mad!)

Away in My Safe Space

Hack the Russian Agents Ping

Have Yourself a Merry Little Recount

O Come All Ye Faithless Electors

Arrest This So-Called President, He’s Causing Me Dismay!

I’m Seething with the Thought of Another White Privilege Christmas

Did You Hear the Fake News That I Heard?

Not-So-Silent Fight for 15

Cop Cars Roasting as We Open Fire

Rhonda the Pink-Haired Hippie

Grandma Got Run Over by a Basket of Deplorables

…And many, many more!

And be sure to check out our previous editions…

The First Nobel (2009)

A Solstice Carol (2010)

Occupy Santa Claus Lane (2011)

Undocumented Immigrant Operators are standing by, so help save the Planet by ordering right now!

(Additional Carol ideas, as always, are welcome in the comments!)

Send to Kindle

Hillary’s Kicking Herself for Not Keeping Her Email Server There

Recent satellite photos reveal a massive expansion on the military’s secretive Area 51 base.

It’s got nothing to do with aliens, though. Unless Trump’s planning to stage all the illegal ones there prior to deportation.

Send to Kindle

The Illustrated Frank J: Also Why I Gave Up Playing Spades, Euchre, and Bridge

[source]

Send to Kindle

Don’t They Hate Trump Anymore, or Have They Gone Vichy?

[High Praise! to Scott Adams’ Blog]

Immediately after the election was decided, protests against Trump popped up in several cities. Protesting makes perfect sense if you think Hitler just came to power in your country. You must stop Hitler!

But the days went by and the protests fizzled out.

Huh?

If you REALLY believe Hitler just came to power in the United States, why would you stop protesting? What are you doing that is more important than stopping Hitler?????????

[title reference link]

Send to Kindle

This Trump Presidency Is Gonna Be Funner Than I Thought

A comment on an article explaining that IBM announced plans – ahead of a meeting with Trump – to hire another 25,000 workers in the US:

Ok libs…Time for you to tell us all about how this is actually bad for the country and Trump is evil. Go…

Send to Kindle