Archive for the ‘The Usual Stuff’ Category

Washington’s Thanksgiving Proclamation

Thursday, November 26, 2015 6:00 am

Thanksgiving Proclamation

Issued by President George Washington, at the request of Congress, on October 3, 1789
By the President of the United States of America, a Proclamation.

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and—Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me “to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:”

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favor, able interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquillity, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted; for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations, and beseech Him to pardon our national and other trangressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally, to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.

Go. Washington

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Thanksgiving at the White House 2016

Wednesday, November 25, 2015 10:22 am

(doorbell rings)

Joe: I’ll get it! I’ll get it!

Sasha opens the door.

Joe: Barry! I said I was going to get the door! I called it, and stupid Sasha did it!

Obama: It’s ok. You can answer the door next time.

Joe: But I wanted to do it now!

Obama: And don’t say stupid. It’s hurtful.

Joe (mumbling): I’ll show you hurtful.

Melissa Click enters

Obama: Welcome, Melissa. I may call you Melissa, I assume.

Melissa (nodding): I just felt it was my duty to inform you that your invitation to Thanksgiving Dinner was severely lacking. It should have noted: Trigger Warning – Celebration may involve cultural appropriation of Native Americans and their cuisine. Trigger Warning – Celebration may involve the idealized representation of genocidal, white Europeans. Trigger Warning – Food may be offensive to vegetarians. Trigger Warning – The sexist term “Tom Turkey” may be uttered. Trigger Warning – prayers of thanks may be uttered to a mythical bearded man in the sky. Trigger Warning – you may be subjected to abusive patriarchal sporting events. Trigger Warning…..

Obama: No need for all that. My very presence is the ultimate safe space. There will be no social injustice or glorification of American history here.

Melissa: We shall see, my pretty.  We shall see.

(doorbell rings)

Joe: (rushes to the door, barely beating Sasha to it. He sticks his tongue out at her and opens the door)

Cecile Richards, President of Planned Parenthood (enters)

Obama: Well, don’t you look lovely this evening!

Cecile: Oh, you are such a liar! I look positively dreadful. I haven’t had the money to get my hair or nails done professionally for weeks. I could really use some cash. Have your daughters made any mistakes you don’t want them punished for, wink, wink?

Obama: Oh, you are incorrigible!

Cecile (brandishing a plate of large eggs): Wait til you see what I brought for an appetizer. Have you heard of Balut?

Obama: Balut? Isn’t that partially developed duck fetuses, still in the egg?

Cecile: Traditionally, yes, but mine have that Thanksgiving twist. Turkey fetuses, darling. I just love working with fetuses. So versatile. So many uses.

(Stevie Wonder and Ahmed Mohammed arrive and enter just behind Cecile)

(Stevie Wonder feels his way to a piano and starts playing Ebony and Ivory)

Obama: Welcome, my brothers. And what is that you have brought with you today, Ahmed? Is it another one of your inventions?

Ahmed: It is a thermonuclear device. My father’s cell…I mean… I made it from parts I got from Radio Shack.

Obama: Well, aren’t you the little prodigy.

Ahmed: It really works, too. My father says, when we win the lawsuit against the school, Allah will bless us with many more such devices.

Joe (speaking to Melissa): So I hear you are in Women’s Studies. I read your scholarly work on Twilight. Fascinating.

Melissa: You did? I didn’t think anyone but my students read that. And I forced them.

Joe: That’s a shame. Your work deserves much broader attention. Your representations of class in Big Redneck Wedding and 50 shades of post feminism completely changed the way I examine my own patriarchal tendencies. I think my preconceived notions of gender have been a form of self-oppression I constantly struggle to liberate myself from.

(doorbell rings)

Sasha (rushes to answer)

Melissa: That is what I was aiming for. Did it make you consider self castration? The betterment of society by changing men.

Sasha (opens door): And speaking of changing men….

Bruce Caitlyn Jenner (enters): Hello everybody.

Obama: The party couldn’t start without the Woman of the Year.

Joe (moves up behind Melissa, puts his hand on her shoulder and whispers into her ear): I’ve spent my lifetime researching women studies as well. Maybe we can get together later and I can show you some of the things I learned….

Melissa: Whoa, I didn’t give you affirmative consent, buddy. Where I come from, that is rape.

Stevie Wonder: Really. Touching your shoulder is rape? Creepy and unwanted, yes, but rape?

Melissa: He just sexually assaulted me! You all saw it! The violence inherent in the patriarchal system.

Stevie Wonder (chuckling): Well, actually, I didn’t see anything.

Melissa: So this is a joke to you? I’m brutally, sexually assaulted by a repressor of the patriarchy, and you think this is funny?

Stevie Wonder: I’m not saying it wasn’t offensive, but don’t you think that comparing it to rape denigrates actual rape?

Melissa: I can’t believe you just said that! That’s not just a microaggression. That’s a macroaggression. Racist!

Joe: No, no. It’s ok. Black people can say that word!

Stevie Wonder: What are you even talking about? What word?

Joe: I can’t say it.

Stevie Wonder: You mean ‘rape?’

Joe: No. Not rape. Of course not rape. Everyone can say rape. Watch me. Rape, rape, rape.

Melissa: Yeah. White women on my campus cry rape all the time. It’s expected.

Joe: You know. THE word.

Stevie Wonder: No I don’t know.

Joe: You know. The N-word.

Stevie Wonder: What? I didn’t use the N-word. I never use the N-word. What are you even talking about?

Joe: Ok, Ok. I’ll say it. Please don’t shiv me?

Stevie Wonder: Now THAT was racist.

Joe: Denigrate. (ducks his head)

Stevie: Denigrate? That’s not the N-word. That has nothing to do with the N-word.

Melissa: Sure it does. Sounds just like it. And it has such negative connotations.

Stevie Wonder: Denigrate is not the N-word. Trust me.

Melissa: How would you know? You’re not even authentically black.  We can’t trust your feelings on the subject.

Stevie Wonder: What? Of course I’m authentically black.

Melissa: No you’re not. You’re not only colorblind. You’re fully blind. You can’t see your own blackness or anybody else’s blackness or whiteness or redness or yellowness. You don’t even know what race is. That changes everything. You’ve spent your life in a warm race-free cocoon of blind privilege.

Stevie Wonder. Blind privilege? Now I know you must be an academic.

Melissa: Do you really think you would have gotten where you were if you could see? Paul McCartney totally carried you on Ebony and Ivory. Do you even know which of you was which? Ebony? Ivory? Which am I?

Stevie Wonder: Ok. You’re right. I’m blind. I have no idea what race you are, but based upon what you have been saying, I have been able to determine that you are severely mentally retarded.

Obama: Don’t be preposterous. Why would we invite a mentally retarded person to Thanksgiving at the White House?

Stevie Wonder: I assumed it was a Special Olympics award thing. Or maybe it’s so Joe wouldn’t be the numbest hake at the table. All I know is that my special blind privilege has heightened my other senses, and my retard-radar is clanging off the charts.

Melissa: You make me so angry. You are such the microagressor. If only I had brought my muscle with me. Not even a blind black man can get away with calling a woman a retard.

Stevie Wonder: Ok, you’re not retarded. You’re mentally challenged. Feel better now?

Melissa: Screw you. Unlike you, I care about creating a beautiful future where everyone is equal and valued. Where everyone contributes according to their abilities and receives according to their needs. Where no one is labeled as mentally challenged.

Stevie Wonder: Yeah, because in your future, Planned Parenthood killed off the mentally challenged and sold them for parts?

Cecile: Heavens no! That’s absurd! We would never do that! Researchers don’t want defective parts. But that’s okay. Have you seen 101 Dalmatians, darling? Coats, jewelry, lampshades so many other personal uses for them. So versatile.

Stevie Wonder: I think I’m going to be sick.

Joe (moves up behind Bruce, puts his hand on his shoulder and whispers into his ear): You’re so brave.  And strong.  Maybe later you can come up to my room and we can reenact some scenes from my favorite movie. The Crying Game.

Stevie Wonder: Now I know I’m going to be sick.

Joe (rubbing Bruce’s shoulders): I can really understand what you are going through, Caitlyn. Even though I was born a poor white boy, I’ve never really considered myself to be white. I’ve always felt that I was something else on the inside. I’m a Palestinian trapped in an infidel’s body.

Stevie Wonder: You see what I’m saying? Numb as a hake.

Melissa: What right have you to judge him?

(Stevie Wonder’s eyes roll behind his dark glasses)

Joe: When I look into the mirror and gaze deep into my own eyes, do you know what I see?

Stevie Wonder: An imbecile?

Joe: A strapping young Palestinian. Skin the rich color of pumpkin latte and full, luxurious manes of hair on my head and on my chest. I have Stars of David tattooed on my pecs, and I’m pretty sure my name is Jaime Goldschmidt.

Stevie Wonder: Wait a minute. Goldschmidt? Are you sure you are a Palestinian?

Joe: Jaime is a self-loathing Jew converted to the righteous cause.

Stevie Wonder: So let me get this straight. You are a Palestinian trapped inside a self-hating Jew trapped inside a senile old white idiot.

Joe (nods): I’ve never heard it put so clearly. And I think the Palestinian within me might be a lesbian.

Stevie Wonder: There are not enough derogatory terms to describe you.

Melissa: You, you intolerant …uh..uh.. some kind of –ist. I’m sure what kind, but you are definitely some kind of vile –ist.

Stevie Wonder: How about we stop the arguing and just relax and listen to some football.

Melissa: I give up. You are so patriarchal.

Obama: You gave us the trigger warning. Football is on the table. Let’s see who is playing. We have the Redskins versus the Vikings.

Melissa: Ah. No. White Europeans against oppressed natives. No way. No way.

Obama: Well, let’s try the NBA then. Let’s see. There’s the Celtics versus the Warriors.

Melissa (screams, bangs her palms against the sides of her head and curls up into a fetal position)

Stevie Wonder: And we’ve entrusted the education of our children to her? (to Melissa) Ponder this. Margaret Sanger, Karl Marx, the Frankfurt Group, Saul Alinsky. All white European stock.

Melissa (whimpers)

Bruce Jenner: Now that was just cruel.

Stevie Wonder: You know. Even blind, I can still tell you’re a man. Let’s grab a beer and catch the game.

Bruce Jenner: Now you’re talking, brother.  I give up.  My show’s ratings were crap anyway.

Ahmed: Excuse me, but do you know if that universal remote came from the Radio Shack? I think you may have just prematurely activated my thermonuclear device.  I wasn’t supposed to set it off until halftime, but it is ticking now.  Father will be so cross with me.

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Inspirational Thought of the Day

Tuesday, November 24, 2015 7:00 pm

From Basic Instructions:

I knew a comedian who had a spreadsheet on which he had every line from his act intended to get any sort of reaction from an audience listed in the left hand column. He’d tape record every show, then spend part of the next day listening to the entire act, pausing the recording after every reaction and scoring that reaction on the spreadsheet on a scale from one to ten. If a line fell below a certain percentage, it was cut from the act.

Ric and I both agreed that it was an insane plan, which would rob our friend’s act of its soul. I should point out that our friend is still a comedian. Ric and I are not.

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Promoted Comment: Radical vs. Moderate Muslim

Monday, November 23, 2015 2:00 pm

[High Praise! to MPH]

The difference between a radical muslim and a moderate muslim is the radical muslim wants to kill you for not being muslim, the moderate muslim wants the radical muslim to kill you for not being muslim.

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Climate Change is More Deadly Than Terrorism

Wednesday, November 18, 2015 2:05 pm

AP – Antarctica – The nude, frozen corpses of hundreds of environmental activists were found earlier this morning by the crew of an ice breaking ship near Antarctica. Hundreds of other severely frostbitten survivors huddled together for warmth, and a scant few were being noshed upon by the cuddly polar bears they had tried to befriend.

“We don’t understand what went wrong,” explained one of the survivors, once his lips had sufficiently thawed. “When we planned our nude climate change protest, we expected that the ice caps would have receded by now. The GCM models told us that the globe would be dangerously warm long ago. Of course, the thermometers all said it was colder than Ted Cruz’s heart out there, but we assumed the thermometers were all broken. I mean, science, right? There were graphs and stuff? Al Gore had to stand on a ladder. It was supposed to be a nude romp in the newly tropic Antarctic, right? What went wrong? Yeah, it looked all icy and stuff, but we assumed that it was all just fine, white sand. I mean, didn’t the ice all melt already? What else could it be? When the drugs all wore off and we realized how cold it felt, we began flatulating and exhaling like crazy, but the greenhouse gases didn’t warm us. They didn’t warm us! Gaia, why hast though forsaken us?”

When asked to comment on the tragedy, President Obama had this to say. “This just vindicates what I have been saying all along. Climate change is a more dire threat to the world than terrorism. Here we have just one example when climate change models killed more democratic voters in a single attack than ISIS .”

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The Simple Explanation

Monday, November 16, 2015 10:28 am

0bama comes from “Hawaii”… which explains why his usual greeting is “Aloha Akbar!”

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Promoted Comment: Why Stop There?

Saturday, November 14, 2015 8:00 am

In response to a story about a Minneapolis Public School official declaring the district’s schools a “violence-free zone”, walruskkkch [High Praise!], made this comment that dares raise the first question that should’ve been asked:

Ummm, so schools are the only violence free zones in the city? How is that fair to all the other parts? Shouldn’t he just declare Minneapolis a “violence free” city and then dismantle the Police force since they will no longer be necessary? Imagine how much money they can save to spend upon more Diversity Hiring consultants and what not.

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USMC 240th

Tuesday, November 10, 2015 9:00 am


On November 10, 1775, the Continental Congress approved the resolution to establish two battalions of Marines able to fight for independence at sea and on shore. This date marks the official formation of the Continental Marines.”

Major Samuel Nicholas, 1st Commandant (1775-1783)

In the 240 years since the formation of the Marines, those Americans who wore the uniform and served our country have made us proud.

We are proud of the opportunity to offer our thanks and best wishes on this anniversary date. Civilians, soldiers, airmen, sailors, and indeed all Americans are proud of our Marines.

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R.I.P. Senator Fred Thompson

Monday, November 2, 2015 12:54 am

Just thought IMAO readers should have a place to pay tribute to the late great Fred Thompson, the former Senator from Tennessee, Presidential candidate, actor, and friend of the blog who passed away Sunday at the age of 73. His great sense of humor and his deep love of this country and its traditional values will be sorely missed. Love and prayers to his family and friends. Godspeed, sir, and thank you for everything!

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Cartoon of the Day – Lies

Wednesday, October 28, 2015 7:00 am

[Michael Ramirez – Investor’s Business Daily]

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Hillary Reporting for Duty

Thursday, October 22, 2015 9:45 am

My Man in State has forwarded me some items that might come to light during the Hillary Benghazi hearings:

  • When the Ambassador requested more security, Hillary offered to send some TSA agents.
  • She ‘accidentally’ tweeted a link to the offensive video to the entire terrorist watch list.
  • Huma assured her in an e-mail that all muslims in Libya were peaceful.
  • Based upon the NSA data mining of American citizens, the staff at the Benghazi embassy was all from solid blue states, so she didn’t need their votes.
  • Professionals assured her that the embassy was secure. The same professionals assured her that her server was secure.
  • The reset button she sent to Libya didn’t say ‘reset’ in Arabic but actually said ‘look at me, I’m wearing a bacon bikini,’ and when the button was pressed, the deliciously ghastly photo was revealed.
  • Her junk e-mail setting sent all e-mails from Libya straight to the trash, where they were appropriated by the Chinese.
  • She thought the grandma beard she was sporting would give her more muslim street cred.
  • Her sources indicated that Bill and that little tart were going to be in the embassy that night…..
  • She wanted to send more security, but having to use two devices for e-mail confused and astounded her.
  • It takes a village to raze an embassy.
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Tuesday, October 13, 2015 9:00 am

240 years ago today, the Second Continental Congress passed a resolution, establishing what is today, the United States Navy:

“Resolved, That a swift sailing vessel, to carry ten carriage guns, and a proportionable number of swivels, with eighty men, be fitted, with all possible despatch, for a cruise of three months, and that the commander be instructed to cruize eastward, for intercepting such transports as may be laden with warlike stores and other supplies for our enemies, and for such other purposes as the Congress shall direct.

That a Committee of three be appointed to prepare an estimate of the expence, and lay the same before the Congress, and to contract with proper persons to fit out the vessel.

Resolved, that another vessel be fitted out for the same purposes, and that the said committee report their opinion of a proper vessel, and also an estimate of the expence.”

Happy birthday, Navy.

We have some old Navy personnel around IMAO, both in the comments, and on the writing side. (Thinking of you, Harvey.) And, I’ve got a next door neighbor that flies the Navy flag every day, just under his U.S. flag.

Do me a favor, will you? Go find a sailor and buy him lunch. Or a drink. Or shake his hand and thank him for his service.

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One more self-serving plug

Monday, October 12, 2015 9:25 am

Yes, one more self-serving plug for the Doctor Who LaB podcast. Got its own domain name now:

If you have any feedback, good or bad, let us know. It all helps.

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Questions for Doctor Who LaB?

Friday, October 9, 2015 12:01 am

DoctorWhoLaB-CoverArt1A quick note about Doctor Who LaB podcast. Larynn and I have received feedback indicating some might have questions about Doctor Who. We certainly don’t claim to be experts. (Well, maybe we do, but we’ll never admit that.) But, we’d love to hear any feedback, and if we can answer any questions, we will. Or make something up if we don’t know the answer. Kinda like everything else, to be truthful about it.

If you have questions or other feedback for Doctor Who LaB, you can leave that here.

Although the show airs on BBC America on Saturday nights, we don’t actually do our watching of the show and recording of the podcast until Sunday afternoon. That means that if you have any thoughts on the episode we’re going to be discussing, we’ll be able to include that, too.

You know what? If you want to send us an audio comment, we’ll play along. Record it and email it (.mp3 preferred) to Doctor Who Lab, and we’ll include it. Probably.

Link: Doctor Who LaB | Doctor Who LaB Feedback

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Geek alert: Doctor Who LaB

Wednesday, October 7, 2015 12:10 am

DoctorWhoLaB-CoverArt1I’m going to briefly hijack the Website to promote a little project I’m currently involved with. Or, with which I’m currently involved. Whichever is gooder English.

It’s a podcast called “Doctor Who LaB” and, yes, that capitalization is correct. (Maybe you’ll figure out why by the time you’re done reading this post.)

As you may know, I spent some time watching Doctor Who from the beginning. As in, from 1963 to the present. Sure, you remember.

Anyway, after that, I introduced Larynn Ford (an author in my local area) to Doctor Who. She was intrigued enough with the show after meeting Colin Baker last year at DragonCon that she decided she wanted to watch it. But, she started with Christopher Eccleston, and watched all the shows up to the new season. (She still hasn’t seen any Colin Baker episodes.) She liked the show a lot, so we decided to start a podcast. Which is just what the world needs: another Doctor Who podcast.

What do we have to offer that’s different? Well, we plan to watch all the episodes and talk about them. All the episodes. All 800+ episodes. Every last one of ’em.

But, about us, well, there’s a classic Who fan (me) and a New Who fan (her). She’s a romance author, and I’m a computer geek. She likes Country and I like Classic Rock. I’m from Georgia and she’s from Alabama. Okay, that last one isn’t much of a contrast. (Unless you are actually from either Georgia or Alabama, then it’s like night and day.)

Anyway, we have two different perspectives looking at the same thing. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. If you want to hear this train wreck, you can find them at It’s also on iTunes (links are at

Now, back to teh funneh.

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Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths

Monday, September 21, 2015 7:00 pm

Loyal Moon Nuker HCG [High Praise!] suggested I revive Frank’s old “Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths” category for the new election season.

I gave it a shot, but I just couldn’t create a decent algorithm in my head for churning these out, so I’m not going make a series out of it.

But I came up with two. So maybe if you guys feel inspired, you can try to do better in the comments.

Hillary has never been able to walk through a remodeling project without stealing the “wet paint” signs.

Hillary doesn’t have time for your debates, as she’s too busy gathering her forces in Mordor.

Your turn…

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The Fruits of Blogging

Saturday, September 19, 2015 6:08 pm

Hey, neglected blog readers. Just wanted you to know that on Wednesday my family increased by one.

Three Kids

So, a new little girl in the family. And I feel as always some thanks to all of you as I never would have met the lovely and talented SarahK without this blog and your support.

Anyway, hectic time right now. But very blessed.

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Planned to Post This on 9/11, But Mis-Filed the Link

Thursday, September 17, 2015 7:00 pm

Maybe we need the Enola Gay back:

Sergeant Robert H. Shumard, Assistant Flight Engineer:

Robert Shumard assisted flight engineer Wyatt Duzenbury in keeping the Enola Gay running. In this 1960 interview, Shumard said he didn’t feel honored to do what they did, but he felt honored to be selected for the mission. And given the circumstances, he would do it again.

“Nobody actually wants to cause the destruction we caused,” he said. “But it was through a necessity rather than a wanton type of destruction. It was something that had to be done. As much as a man has gangrene in his leg, and they have to cut it off. It’s something that has to be done. It was a cancer in the world situation that had to be removed, that’s all.”

There’s a new cancer in the world…

And I can’t help but wonder… if we vaporized Mecca, would they worship the hole where the rock had been?

And one more for Muhammad’s bones, just to make our point.

[See also]

[Also see also]

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Closed Circuit to Loyal Readers

Monday, September 14, 2015 9:00 am

No, we didn’t forget. Just waiting until noon.

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1776 ft

Friday, September 11, 2015 12:00 pm
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