Archive for the ‘The Usual Stuff’ Category

Leader of the Conservative Counter-Culture

Friday, November 21, 2014 9:32 am

So David Bernstein named me one of the new leaders of the conservative counter-culture. Of course, he part of Liberty Island which is publishing my upcoming novel (“What! Another book Frnak is going to nag us to buy!), but it’s still probably true.

Also making the list is my new employer, Emergent Order. And here’s a new EconPop from them about The Treasure of Sierra Madre, subjective value, and Humphrey Bogart’s scraggly beard:

And, as always, buy my book! And buy my other book… But we’ll get to that later.

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Frank In Studio

Wednesday, November 19, 2014 9:32 am

Here I am on Dana Loesch’s show on Blaze TV. I am awesome.

This has been a very tiring, exciting time for me with the move, starting a new job as a full-time writer at Emergent Order, my book release, and now my first in studio TV appearance — one in which I wasn’t an awkward, stuttering mess. Anyway, thank you, blog readers, for all your support.

Now buy and review my book.

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The Scientific Explanation for Punching Hippies

Tuesday, November 18, 2014 9:31 am

Still working on promoting Punch Your Inner Hippie. I have a few more radio appearances, such as the Michael Medved show on Friday. Also, I hope to have a clip of my appearance on Dana on Blaze TV soon. I don’t know if you saw it, but I was awesome. Watching it, I don’t understand how I’m not a movie star yet.

Anyway, Moe Lane from RedState has up an interview with me. And at PJ Media, they have up an excerpt of the book talking about Bob punching a gorilla and the scientific explanation of why punching hippies makes them less annoying.

And if you’ve finished reading the book, please do me a solid and write an online review. If we’re going to turn this country around, we need to spread the word about my book. We have to defeat as many inner hippies as possible.

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Obamacare in 4 Sentences

Monday, November 17, 2014 7:00 pm

(zzyzx [High Praise!] left it in the comments and credited it to The People’s Cube, but some light Googling shows that it’s been floating around the internet for a while, with the earliest instance I can find being in a photography forum message board in February. If anyone can find an earlier source, drop a link)

1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to uninsure the insured.
2. Next, we require the newly uninsured to be re-insured.
3. To re-insure the newly uninsured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured.
4. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became uninsured, and then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so that the original uninsured can be insured, which will be free of charge to them.

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Artisanal Humor

Friday, November 14, 2014 8:52 am

So how is the book reading going? Hopefully you Luddites who insist on print have your copies by now. Actually, I guess there is an advantage to this book being in print as you can toss it at someone and yell, “Read this, hippie!”

I hope you all appreciate the hand-crafted humor of the book. I go through each and every paragraph of the book to make sure there is something funny. There should not be a stretch of more than two or three sentences without a good joke. That’s my guarantee to you: No slow, boring parts.

Anyway, doing a number more radio interviews today, and my interview in studio with Dana Loesch will air I believe at 6pm ET tonight on BlazeTV. Do not miss it. In fact, just go and turn on BlazeTV and read and re-read my book until it airs.

And once you’re done reading my book, make sure to write a short review online. Did I tell all you IMAO readers that you’re the best Americans? No? That’s because you won’t be until you read my book.

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The Punching Continues

Thursday, November 13, 2014 9:28 am

In case you missed it here, was my appearance on America’s Forum on NewsmaxTV:

I also did a bunch of radio shows yesterday; I’ll see if I can get audio of any of them. Today, I’m headed to Dallas to be on Dana Loesch’s who on Blaze (which I think will air tomorrow).

So how are you enjoying Punch Your Inner Hippie? Has it helped you achieve greatness yet? Have you bought a copy for all your friends so they’ll still be worthy to be your friends? Have you sucker-punched a gorilla?

Anyway, when you finish reading it, make sure to write a review. We need to spread the word and help transform America into a less entitled, more independent place. We need to all punch our inner hippies.

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How Have Your Lives Changed?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014 9:05 am

So Punch Your Inner Hippie has been out a day now. It took me a number of months to write the book, but I assume it reads quicker than that. Anyway, I’m hoping to hear back from you on how my book has changed your life and what you’ve achieved thanks to its advice. Also, there aren’t any reviews for it yet on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and wouldn’t you like to be the very first person to review my book? You could put that on your resume.

So anyway, keep reading. Keep telling all your friends about it. If you don’t have friends, tell random passersby. Just run up to them and shout about it. And then write some reviews. And tell me here you favorite lines and favorite parts of the book.

You have an assignment. Don’t be a hippie. Get to it.

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Bacon to the Headline-Arranger at the Drudge Report

Wednesday, November 12, 2014 8:19 am

Screenshot from 7:15am:

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The Ultimate Book

Tuesday, November 11, 2014 9:09 am

It has happened! The greatest book ever, Punch Your Inner Hippie, is out! You can download it now in ebook form or get it at a bookstore (and if a bookstore doesn’t have it, raise hell — make everyone there regret they ever sold book).

And this the ultimate book. The one book that tells you how to defeat the root cause of failure by beating to a pulp the hippie inside you. When you follow my advice, you will be unstoppable — like a speeding train without brakes.

And what good timing for it to come out on Veterans Day. Because veterans put their lives on the line for your freedom. Similarly, I wrote a book hoping to get money. Those are both actions. That’s a way they are the same.

So buy a copy. And then another as backup. And pester your friends to buy one. And if you like it, write a review online. If you didn’t like it, find a ditch to die in.

And if you won’t do it for me or for yourself, do it for my kids. They’re very poor. I mean, I live comfortably, but they don’t seem very good at earning money. Look at this photo from October 31st when they didn’t even have proper clothes to wear.

IMG_1249.JPG

Plus, I just moved, and the proper housewarming gift is to buy that person’s book.

So, this is it. This is when we turn this country around by following my advice and beating the hippies inside us. Are you excited? You should be excited.

BUY MY BOOK!

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Veterans Day

Tuesday, November 11, 2014 8:00 am

To those who served: Thank you.

To those currently serving: Thank you.

To the civilians circa 1985-1991: You’re welcome.

My suggestions for the best way to thank the troops?

1) Enjoy life in a free country. A gift ain’t a gift unless it’s enjoyed. Do something fun.

2) Be the kind of American who’s worth fighting for.

NOTE TO VETS: Here are some deals & freebies for you that evil corporate America wishes to use to oppress you and express their gratitude.

And here’s a longer, more complete list.

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Tomorrow It Arrives

Monday, November 10, 2014 8:37 am

So I’m sort of moved in in Austin. We have a rent house, and we have electricity… but nothing else. Stupid utilities is closed on weekends, so we couldn’t get running water. And gas and internet is still to come. But hey, an address; that’s a start.

Anywho, moves are expensive, and my book comes out tomorrow which can hopefully help with that. I’ll be doing plenty of interviews this next week (hopefully being able to take a shower at some point), and I already have an interview about Punch Your Inner Hippie at Townhall. Anyway, make sure to buy a copy of my book and tell all your friends to buy one. And even your enemies. Especially your enemies if you have move enemies than friends.

And things are really cool at Emergent Order. Hopefully I’ll have some neat stuff to show you in the near future… when I get settled. And having running water. And heat for the cold nights.

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Homeless

Wednesday, November 5, 2014 9:22 am

Hey, sorry not to be blogging. I’m living in a hotel looking for a rent house. Ends up we’re having some trouble as people label my dog an “aggressive breed.” So dog racism is alive and well.

But we should get things sorted out soon and I’ll try to get back to a new normal and blogging. And next Tuesday my new book comes out, so you’ll probably being hearing about that. And I have a cool new group I’m working with at Emergent Order, and hopefully I’ll have some stuff to show you soon.

BTW, was there an election yesterday? Is Wendy Davis my new governors?

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Oft Quoted, Never Read

Monday, November 3, 2014 10:00 pm

The full context of Jefferson’s Tree of Liberty comment:
_______________

“I do not know whether it is to yourself or Mr. Adams I am to give my thanks for the copy of the new constitution. I beg leave through you to place them where due. It will be yet three weeks before I shall receive them from America. There are very good articles in it: and very bad. I do not know which preponderate.

What we have lately read in the history of Holland, in the chapter on the Stadtholder, would have sufficed to set me against a Chief magistrate eligible for a long duration, if I had ever been disposed towards one: and what we have always read of the elections of Polish kings should have forever excluded the idea of one continuable for life. Wonderful is the effect of impudent and persevering lying. The British ministry have so long hired their gazetteers to repeat and model into every form lies about our being in anarchy, that the world has at length believed them, the English nation has believed them, the ministers themselves have come to believe them, and what is more wonderful, we have believed them ourselves.

Yet where does this anarchy exist? Where did it ever exist, except in the single instance of Massachusetts? And can history produce an instance of a rebellion so honorably conducted? I say nothing of its motives. They were founded in ignorance, not wickedness. God forbid we should ever be 20 years without such a rebellion. The people can not be all, and always, well informed. The part which is wrong will be discontented in proportion to the importance of the facts they misconceive. If they remain quiet under such misconceptions it is a lethargy, the forerunner of death to the public liberty.

We have had 13 states independent 11 years. There has been one rebellion. That comes to one rebellion in a century and a half for each state. What country ever existed a century and a half without a rebellion? And what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms.

The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it’s natural manure. Our Convention has been too much impressed by the insurrection of Massachusetts: and in the spur of the moment they are setting up a kite to keep the hen yard in order. I hope in God this article will be rectified before the new constitution is accepted.”

— Thomas Jefferson to William Stephens Smith, Paris, 13 Nov. 1787
_______________

Anyone know which article of the Constitution he’s referring to in the last sentence? Lifetime appointments for SCOTUS?

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My Moment of Green Schadenfreude

Monday, November 3, 2014 7:00 pm

Trouble in Euro-Paradise, energy-wise:

The biggest irony has been that the energy shift, intended to slow climate change, has driven up carbon emissions for the past two years.

The problem lies in the fickle nature of renewables. When the sun doesn’t shine and the wind doesn’t blow, conventional power is needed to fill the gap — ideally with relatively clean and flexible gas plants.

However, utilities — which have taken a beating as a glut of renewables has slashed wholesale power prices — have shuttered some under-utilised gas plants and filled the gap with cheaper and dirtier coal.

This trend has worsened with the collapse of Europe’s market for carbon emissions, which was designed to put a cost on environmental damage, but no longer makes it expensive for companies to pollute.

As a result, while clean energy took the top share at 27.7% in the year’s first nine months, it only narrowly beat lignite coal at 26.3%.

I love it when envirosmuggies get what’s coming to them for trying to short-circuit the laws of economics and human nature.

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For Comparison’s Sake

Sunday, November 2, 2014 8:00 am

[High Praise! to Gunslinger's Journal]
_______________

“During the 3-1/2 years of World War II that started with the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in December 1941 and ended with the surrender of Germany and Japan in 1945, the U.S. produced 22 aircraft carriers, 8 battleships, 48 cruisers, 349 destroyers, 420 destroyer escorts, 203 submarines, 34 million tons of merchant ships, 100,000 fighter aircraft, 98,000 bombers, 24,000 transport aircraft, 58,000 training aircraft, 93,000 tanks, 257,000 artillery pieces, 105,000 mortars, 3,000,000 machine guns, and 2,500,000 military trucks.

We put 16.1 million men in uniform in the various armed services, invaded Africa, Sicily and Italy, won the battle for the Atlantic, planned and executed D-Day, marched across the Pacific and Europe, developed the atomic bomb and ultimately conquered Japan and Germany.

So it’s worth noting, and is somewhat frightening, that during the same amount of time our current administration couldn’t build a freakin’ web site.”
_______________

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Leftist Values

Friday, October 31, 2014 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to Sultan Knish]

Leftists don’t value equality, they value disruption. If they can disrupt by promoting equality, they will do it. If they can disrupt by promoting inequality, they will do that. If they can disrupt by promoting gay marriage, promoting Islamists, promoting the environment, promoting unregulated industry, promoting freedom of speech or promoting hate speech laws, they will do those things in order of opportunism.

Their underlying goal is to replace existing ideas and systems with their own. Anything that serves that purpose is good. Anything that maintains the existing order is bad.

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Halloween at the White House – Concluded

Friday, October 31, 2014 12:45 pm

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Of course it is perfectly safe, Joe. Every component of the mix is FDA approved. It’s like what I tell the kids when I lecture at the junior high schools, trust the government. Bureaucrats know science best. If it is over the counter, use it to your heart’s content. It is 100% safe and effective.

Joe: Well, if you say so. You know science.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Oh my Darwin, what is that hideous smell?

Barack: It smells like sulfur and burning excrement! Marx be praised! Lucifer? Are you back Lucifer?

Joe: Sorry, that’s just me. Michelle’s treats are really working me over. They taste like foot fungus.

Barack: And you should know. You pretty much live with your feet in your mouth.

Al: That is so vile, Joe. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you ever think about the environment? You know, methane is a worse greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide.

Joe: You can’t expect me to hold it in forever. Not even you can do that, St. Al.

Al: Oh yeah? Why do you think I walk around like I have a stick up my butt?

Joe: Because you really have a…..Oh, that is so gross.

Al: No sacrifice is too big for mother earth. I use a regulation hockey stick for symbolic reasons, but any stick will do.  Come outside with me. I saw some nice branches out there.

Joe: (runs away) No, no, no, no, no. no!

(the door bell rings)

Barack: (Opens the door to see Ingrid Newkirk of PETA once again nude with the flank steak, prime rib, etc. locations drawn on herself) I see once again you have come as Sandra Fluke’s free birth control.

Ingrid: I’m a cow. Marked for the slaughter.

Joe: (runs out the open door) No, no, no, no, no!

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Joe, come back. You haven’t tried the Coke and Pop Rocks yet. Barry, can you get the secret service to drag him back here?

Al: I’d like that too. (brandishing a large, knobby birch branch)

Barack: (speaking into his walkie talkie) Lenny has slain the rabbit. I repeat, Lenny has slain the rabbit. Apprehend.

Ingrid: (brandishing her buckets of red paint) You speak of rabbitcide? Where is this Lenny? I will blood him!

Barack: No, no, no. That is just code talk. It means Joe has run away again. Michelle, can you come here for a moment? Please show Ingrid to your nice vegetarian hors d’oeuvres.

Ingrid: (Lopes over to the food table, leaps atop it, crawls down its length, sniffing, always sniffing) Oh yes. This will do. This will do. (Grabs handfuls of food, dips them in her red paint and gulps them down)

Joe: (two secret service agents drag him back in): No, no, no, no, no!

Barack: Calm down, Joe. We made Al put the stick away. You are ok. No stick.

Joe: No stick?

Barack: No stick.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: We just want you to eat the Pop Rocks and Coke. You like Pop Rocks and Coke.

Joe: I do. I like Pop Rocks and Coke.

Ingrid (Shrieks. She is squatting on the food table, her lips and teeth a smear of blood, her fingers dripping red): Mister Howdy says you are going to die tonight.

Barack: Lucifer? Is that you Lucifer? Come back. You know I can’t quit you.

Ingrid: No Lucifer. Mister Howdy. Die tonight. All die.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: She’s just high on paint fumes. Ignore her, Joe. Eat it Joe. Do it.

Ingrid: Yes. Eat it, Joe. Mister Howdy wants you to eat it.

Joe: (eats the Pop Rocks and Coke……

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Say, Whatever Happened to the Oil Spill Thingy?

Thursday, October 30, 2014 7:00 pm

While reflecting on Obama’s handling of the Ebola situation, it occurred to me that he doesn’t really need to DO anything, other than stay out of the way of people who know what they’re doing and try not to say anything exceptionally stupid on camera in the meantime.

Which reminded me of a similar situation from 2010: the BP oil spill.

Seems to me the predictions were quite dire about how that would end all life on earth as we know it. Or something.

So I did some light Googling and came across two interesting things.

From 2012:

This Friday, April 20, will mark two years since the explosion aboard the Deepwater Horizon oil rig caused vast quantities of crude oil to flow into the Gulf of Mexico. But despite the size of the spill, “the natural recovery is far greater than what anybody hoped when it happened,” said a professor of biology. “The fears of most people — that there would be a catastrophic collapse of the ecosystem in the Gulf — never materialized.”

And this – from October 2014. Apparently that billion dollars the government stole from BP in the name of “justice”… they’re STILL trying to come up with enough boondoggles and sweetheart deals to squander it on. Few, if any, of which are actually directly related to oil spill recovery. And none of the projects have even started. It’s all STILL in the planning stages.

My conclusion: keep Obama away from TV cameras and other people’s money, and we should be just fine.

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Frank Move Update

Wednesday, October 29, 2014 9:21 pm

Was supposed to leave for Texas this morning, but 18 month old son had a 102 fever, one cat’s foot was broken (long story short, I installed new blinds poorly), and there was still some work left to do in the house. But God-willing, tomorrow morning we leave for Austin. That’s me, SarahK, two small kids, two cats and a dog in a little SUV toting a trailer.

Anyway, one of these days I’ll get to Texas and start my cool new job at Emergent Order. And hopefully stop neglecting this blog so much. Keep us in your prayers.

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Halloween at the White House

Wednesday, October 29, 2014 2:15 pm

Scene: The White House Halloween Party. There is a ring at the door.

Barack opens the door. Al Gore is standing there. A wire with a red rubber ball attached to it is jutting from his forehead, and two wires with blue rubber balls are jutting from the back of his head.

Barack: Oh, that is just precious. Let’s see, balls orbiting an inflated gaseous mass? You’re the solar system, right? You might be a few planets shy, I think, but science never was my forte.

Gore: I am not the solar system. I am the most frightening thing there is. A carbon dioxide molecule. See, a carbon and two oxygens.

Barack: Ooooo, scary. I can feel it getting warmer in here already.

Gore: And I know there are more than three planets. Discounting Pluto, I’m pretty sure there are six, counting the moon.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: (Saunters up wearing khakis, a button down plaid shirt done all the way up to his neck and a cardigan) Hey, great solar system outfit, Al. Very accurate.

Gore: I am not the solar system. I’m CO2.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: I think you are a few balls short.

Gore: No. One carbon ball and two oxygen balls. CO2.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: I wasn’t talking about your costume. Rim shot.

Barack: Good one. I heard Tipper took them in the divorce.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: I heard that too, but, hey, did you hear this one? During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the US National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million US. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. True story.

Barack: I’m pretty sure I heard that one on that Cosmos show. But, hey. Nice science nerd outfit.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: I’m not a science nerd. I’m a Christian, so frightening in their ignorance.

Barack: All bitter and clingy like a bad ex.

(doorbell rings)

Barack: (Opens door to see a nude Barney Frank) Good lord, man. Put some clothes on. Are you that drunk already?

Barney: Oh, no, no, no. This is my costume. I’m Adam. And my cute, firm little intern was supposed to come as Steve. Have you seen Stevie? Stevie? Fwanky is hewe now. Stevie? I have some fowbidden fwuit for you to taste. Excuse me, but I must find Stevie. Hey, Al. Nice solar system outfit.

Gore: I’m CO2.

Barney: Whatever, I just wish I had all those balls dangling about my face. That’s what I’m being next year. Stevie! Where are you Stevie?

Neil Degrasse Tyson: That reminds me. Have you heard this one? If you go to a nude beach, you have to be very careful because you can catch crabs just from sunbathing. The beach is the crabs’ natural habitat, and they thrive there. True story. It’s science. My wife caught crabs that way at least three times.

Barack: No kidding.

(doorbell rings)

Barack: (Opens the door to see Debbie Wasserman Schultz dressed in a dog costume) Great bitch outfit!

Al: Or are you supposed to be Hillary?

Debbie: I am not a bitch!

All: (laughing uproariously)

Debbie: OK, maybe I am, but I’m not dressed as a bitch. Can’t you see? I’m Scooby Doo.

Barack: Well, whatever you are, you are making me incredibly hungry. You look absolutely delicious.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: While we are on the topic of food, did you hear this one. If you eat Pop Rocks and then drink a Coke, you will explode. True story. It’s science.

Barack: I’d heard about that, but never knew if it was true.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Of course it’s true.  It’s easy enough to prove. Just need a test subject….

Barack: Let’s get Joe. Yes Joe. Joe will do it. He’ll do anything. We can tell him it is the new, hip drug craze. Tell him Justin Beiber is doing it.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: And the good thing about those new drug crazes, they are all done using over the counter stuff. Approved by FDA. It’s all perfectly safe. FDA said so. True story. It’s science.

(Suddenly everyone is startled by a hideous retching sound. Looking toward the sound, it is Nancy Pelosi gyrating wildly and vomiting what appears to be pea green soup.)

Barack: Ahhhhh! It’s just like The Exorcist! Look at that hideous, twisted face! She is possessed! Is there a witch doctor in the house? Is there a witch doctor in the house.

Nancy: No, no, I’m not possessed.

Barack: But your face?

Nancy: That’s just my latest Botox injections settling in.

Barack: But the vomit from hell!

Nancy: I just couldn’t keep down Michelle’s ‘healthy’ hors d’oeuvres.

Barack: What even are those things? Saccharin-sprinkled turnip puffs? Parsnip dip with tofu chips?

Nancy: Careful, I’m going to be sick again. (vomits again, and her head spins all the way around and around spewing vomit like a rainbird)

Barack: She is possessed! She is possessed!

Nancy: E plurbus unum. Caveate emptor.

Barack: Is that Latin? What is she saying? Is there a linguist in the house?

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Back away, foolish believers. This is a job for science.

Nancy: (In a deep, evil sounding voice) Science. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Science. What do you know of science? You are no scientist. You are a science reporter.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: Blasphemy!

Al: Don’t listen to it. It is trying to mess with your head.

Nancy: Tell me of your personal research, scientist. Tell me.

Neil Degrasse Tyson: No! I have none. I have none.

Barack: Wait a minute. I recognize that voice. Lucifer? Is that you ?

Nancy: No. we are legion.

Barack: You can’t fool me, Lucy, my boy. You stood me up last week. We had a meeting scheduled.  What’s up, dude?

Al: Lucifer, sir, while you are here, I’d like to talk to you about something very important. All the brimstone and burning and stuff down there in Hell is putting out a lot of greenhouse gases. Have you considered switching to a greener alternative? Here, watch this video and we can talk later. I can sell you some carbon credits if you would prefer.

Nancy: You! What are you? You have no soul! No soul! You are not human! That robotic, soulless freak is way too creepy even for me. I’m out of here. Later dudes. Have the old crone back.

Barack: Wait, wait. We still need to make the deal about retaining control of the Senate.

Nancy: Even my power has its limits. Besides, you sold your soul a long time ago, dude. And sorry about the vomit. But those hors d’oeuvres were vile.

Barack: No, come back. Lucifer come back. He’s gone. All is lost.

Nancy: Where am I?  What happened? Bill better not have roofied me again.

(door bell rings)

Barack: Sasha, can you get that?

Sasha: (Opens door. It’s a group of trick or treaters. Sasha reaches into each child’s bag and removes a handful of candy for herself) You know, at some point you have enough candy. (she closes the door on the shocked children)

Barack: That’s my girl.

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