Link of the Day: Satire – Trump Claims America Should Never Have Given Canada Its Independence

[The Burrard Street Journal]

Trump Claims America Should Never Have Given Canada Its Independence

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Christmas 2016

The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2

  1. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
  2. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  3. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  4. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  5. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  6. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  7. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  8. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  9. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  10. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  11. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
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The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

— Clement Clarke Moore, 1822

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Not Available in Stores

deplorable-life

It’s been a rough couple of months for Progressives, but now there’s reason to celebrate!

Five long years in the making, billions of taxpayer dollars appropriated, now, at long last, you can finally sing along to a brand new batch of Non-Denominational Gender-Fluid Gluten-Free Winter Solstice Seasonal Favorites like these…

I’m Gettin’ Trumpkin for Christmas (Middle America is Mad!)

Away in My Safe Space

Hack the Russian Agents Ping

Have Yourself a Merry Little Recount

O Come All Ye Faithless Electors

Arrest This So-Called President, He’s Causing Me Dismay!

I’m Seething with the Thought of Another White Privilege Christmas

Did You Hear the Fake News That I Heard?

Not-So-Silent Fight for 15

Cop Cars Roasting as We Open Fire

Rhonda the Pink-Haired Hippie

Grandma Got Run Over by a Basket of Deplorables

…And many, many more!

And be sure to check out our previous editions…

The First Nobel (2009)

A Solstice Carol (2010)

Occupy Santa Claus Lane (2011)

Undocumented Immigrant Operators are standing by, so help save the Planet by ordering right now!

(Additional Carol ideas, as always, are welcome in the comments!)

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Hillary’s Kicking Herself for Not Keeping Her Email Server There

Recent satellite photos reveal a massive expansion on the military’s secretive Area 51 base.

It’s got nothing to do with aliens, though. Unless Trump’s planning to stage all the illegal ones there prior to deportation.

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The Illustrated Frank J: Also Why I Gave Up Playing Spades, Euchre, and Bridge

[source]

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Don’t They Hate Trump Anymore, or Have They Gone Vichy?

[High Praise! to Scott Adams’ Blog]

Immediately after the election was decided, protests against Trump popped up in several cities. Protesting makes perfect sense if you think Hitler just came to power in your country. You must stop Hitler!

But the days went by and the protests fizzled out.

Huh?

If you REALLY believe Hitler just came to power in the United States, why would you stop protesting? What are you doing that is more important than stopping Hitler?????????

[title reference link]

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This Trump Presidency Is Gonna Be Funner Than I Thought

A comment on an article explaining that IBM announced plans – ahead of a meeting with Trump – to hire another 25,000 workers in the US:

Ok libs…Time for you to tell us all about how this is actually bad for the country and Trump is evil. Go…

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I’ll Believe in Global Warming When They Promise Me Palm Trees in Wisconsin

[High Praise! to Scott Adams’ Blog]

I’m not a scientist, so I can’t evaluate the claims of climate science. But I’m knowledgeable in persuasion, and I can tell you with a degree of certainty that the number of citizens that believe in climate science predictions of doom would be the same whether the science was valid or not, because the persuasion advantage points in that direction. If something is scary and you can visualize it, you treat it like it is real. Even if it isn’t.

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Just A Quick Link

Long time blogger and good Internet buddy V the K recently had a domain renewal issue for his site and had to change to a new one due to a bureaucratic snafu with no chance of letting any of his readers know how to find him again.

To do what little I can to right that wrong, here is a link to V the K’s new and improved Caption This for anyone that may be looking for it. If you’ve never been there before, check it out sometime, weird pictures, silly captions — it might be right up your alley.

[WARNING: Rated PG-13, May be NSFW]

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You Are Not Alone

Madonna reportedly told an audience at a recent charity concert in Miami that she was “ashamed to be an American”.

Surprisingly enough, I find myself in full agreement — I’m ashamed she’s an American, too!

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Straight Line of the Day: A College in Boston Lowered the American Flag to Half-Staff After Trump Won. Idiots. The Correct Reaction to Trump’s Victory…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A college in Boston lowered the flag to half-staff after Trump won. Idiots. The correct reaction to Trump’s victory…

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The One Thing the Media Skips Over When Discussing Trump and Racism

[High Praise! to Scott Adams’ Blog]

I think the total number of KKK members is a few thousand people sprinkled across the country. But what matters more than the absolute number is the trend. The group once numbered over a million. Now they are a few thousand. Did Trump’s election cause a spike in recruitment that will have a lasting impact on the long term trend toward zero membership? I doubt it. But in any case, you have to wonder why the press isn’t reporting KKK membership trends. Every other part of the story is meaningless without that one piece of data.

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2 Thoughts on Thanksgiving from Doug Urbanski

I was browsing the archives a bit & found these. Five years later, they’re still true:

“The Thanksgiving holiday is a symbol of the fact that consumption is the result and reward of production. Sadly, in Europe they don’t have anything like this, as either a holiday or an idea.”

“When Obama hears the word ‘Thanksgiving,’ he thinks it’s a national holiday for people to give thanks to him.”

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Trump Won and You All Suck

So, a week ago or so Harvey sent me an email telling me that I had earned my right to write a “I told you so” post.

I’m telling you so.

He also said I had to make it funny. Seriously, nothing could be funnier than you Never Trumpers literally failing at everything in life. You people suck. You haven’t got a damned clue. If you ever found a clue, you would be like “what is this? Is this garbage?”. To which you would answer “yes” because you guys are not big on clues.

You don’t actually get what all of this has been about. I did, which is why I created my meme. But you NeverTrump guys clearly don’t get it.

It’s a shame really. You will benefit from Trump policies, while at the same time hating him.

But this has all happened before. Reagan in 1980. Same deal. Worthless Never-Reagans cried about it, then eventually turned Reagan into some kind of god.

Sorry, I was supposed to make this funny. House rules.

Here is funny:

Hillary Clinton being chucked into a van like a side of beef.

Donald Trump being never stumped…30 episodes. Watch them all…so hilarious.

Glen Beck putting his face in Cheetos…because he is an idiot (and so are all the people that listen to that douche). Seriously, if that guy is in your daily lineup, you need to re-think your life.

Oh, and this is comedy gold. Believe me folks, we have the best YouTubers.

You anti-Trumpers don’t get it. You never will. We who work normal jobs understand it. We who are stuck in unions understand it. You, in your silly little sheltered lives do not understand it.

Guess what? WE outnumber YOU.

MAGA mofos.

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