“Lance Bass kicked off space flight” reads the headline, but the story is actually much less interesting than it sounds. It ends up he was kicked off before they launched, not while actually in space. When I first read the headline, I thought they ran into some problem with the air supply, and, if they could increase the supply by exactly the amount of air a Lance Bass would consume, the rest could survive.

“Lance Bass, we all drew straws,” the head astronaut told him, faking a somber mood, “And since I drew the longest one, I get to kick you off. You want to do this the hard way or the easy way.” He then smiled sinisterly. “Please choose the hard way.”

And the Lance Bass was like, “Yo, yo, yo! What the dealio?” (Or he wasn’t like that; I honestly don’t know what a Lance Bass sounds like. I’m just not “with it.”)

“It’s just the way things are, Lance Bass,” the astronaut answered firmly, carefully hiding his elation, “To have enough air supply, we either have to remove one Lance Bass or five albino mice. That’s one Lance Bass versus five rodents; which one is more fair?”

“You guys kick it old school!” was Lance Bass’s last words before being ejected out the air lock with an ominous thud.

I didn’t get much sleep last night.