I think I’m done antagonizing Glenn Reynolds. I’ve exposed his terrible secret about his drinking habits to the world, and now it’s time to bury the hatchet. Until we turn the Alliance into the ultimate blog portal, his site is still one of the best places to find interesting news and blog links.
So who should be my next enemy? Margaret Cho seems like an interesting target. She a “professional” comedian trying to encroach on my turf, and maybe I should lay the law down on this wacky leftist. I could start the “Cho Must Go” club.
My other idea is to tackle who used to be my favorite columnist: Jonah Goldberg. In the Corner yesterday, he said that Cosmo is the “it” dog of the American right. I sent an e-mail to him explaining that Chomps is the “it” dog of the American right and demanding a retraction… and he rebuked me! In the same e-mail, he admitted that his last column was a rehash of a theme he’s done before. Everyone knows I would never rehash the same theme (that would be as lame as Aquaman). Thus, I’ve come to one conclusion: Jonah Goldberg is mad – mad with power! And I think it’s time I replace him. I’m younger, hipper, and even better at working a Simpson’s quote into any written piece.
What do you think? Who should be my next target in the blogosphere?
More as this develops…
Just checked out Cho, and if she’s a comedian then I’m a lesser-known Byzantine demi-god with webbed feet and the head of an ocelot. And I’m not. Obviously.
Don’t know what’s wrong with her – I’m left-wing and I’m as funny as hell.
Cho must go!
You need to go after someone other than Cho. She is too good at making herself look like a fool you would only have to point your finger and say,”See see she must go!” Too easy for a master such as yourself.
How about leading Senator from a state in which she doesnt live. You know that one that made all that money on cattle futures years ago. I can’t remember her name but last I checked she was a real insane biatch.
I better stick to targets that I can get noticed by. For example, Michael Moore is too large a target in more ways than one.
So what happens to The Alliance, huh? 117 members want to know….
Don’t kill the messenger sir but
If Jesus healed chomps of his anger he’s pretty much toast. Ya can’t undo that kind of mojo. Rummy needs a new beast.
non-fuctionaly speaking
The Alliance must expand beyond ridiculing Glenn Reynolds. I shall address them soon…
fictionaly…oops
I am totally for you going after Cho especially if she wins that stupid bloggie.
But only if you always mention my glorious posting that put her on your radar screen.
http://meatriarchy.blogspot.com/archives/2004_01_25_meatriarchy_archive.html#107525616496007363
Even before the Cho entity got political, she sucked, and now under the deadening weight of her asshatted political burden, her “comedy” is a threat only to the half-wits who already agreed with her.
No, you need to hunt for bear. Charles Johnson over at Little Green Footballs is getting a lot of the traffic you rightfully deserve; only an insightful observer like yourself can reveal what actually happens when he goes out cycling.
To: FrankJ
From: Artillery
Re: new enemy targets
Post their coordinates, and we will drop the Mother of All Barrages on their heads!
Don’t hose down the Gdog. His writing is the reason I got plugged into righteous websites, back in the old cumstain days of the disasterous previous administration. (can’t remember the degenrate asshole’s name) I’ll admit though Gdog is not as funny as he was 5 or 6 years ago, cause he’s usually trying to be, like, all serious and shit. Gettin’ married is the perfect recipe for humor diminishment. Gettin’ old also sucks some of the frivolity from you. If I had any stroke with the boy I’d put you in for a random gig on NRO.
Frank,
gimme time, we will find the perfect storm, urgh blog.
Please not Cho. I don’t want to have to read about her on your blog. That would make your world much less fun.
Take on a bigger fish: go after GWB’s blog!
Aprt from the fact that she’s not funny, what’s wrong with Cho?
Go after Al Franken, or some one else, just leave goldberg alone, I like him
There is one enemy we must all face. That enemy is the terrorist state called Chicago!
Destroy chicago! Destroy Chicago! Cut it free and release it into that damned lake of theirs. Florida is too far away so you probably don’t understand, Frank. Chicago is a haven for monkeys and ninjas and terrorists and drug dealers and the Chicago Cubs.
Chicago must be destroyed (or at least given to a more deserving country like France.)
Cho is a SHE? This blog is funny AND educational!
This is OT, but are there wild monkeys living in Florida?I think I read that they come out and wreak havok after hurricanes.I used to just dislike monkeys(because Charles Manson tried to be their guitar player),until I realized that all monkeys are for’ners,as such; they need to be kill’d.All the monkeys in the USA are in cages ‘cept for in Florida,and I’m not sure you guys are still in the union.Oh yeah,maybe you could hate the BBC; they need some hatin’.(they could get in a fight with aquaman and get their asses kicked)
BBC’s better grades than I ever got.
for some reason I get three words that pop into my brain when I think about Frank setting his sights on “Ms.” Cho: “shooting” “fish” and “barrel.” In that order, even.
I understand the ambivalence about her as your next target: it would hardly seem an achievement to lay down the law to her.
I think Jonah. Yeah, I’d stop in to read about that.
It’s time to share a few things with you. Not in a tired-powerless-broke-but-still-trying-to-sound-superior European kind of way. More in a kind of ruminative-post-coital-just-f***ed-a-big-fat-hooker-afterglow kind of way.
I was just mulling over why I like you guys (rolling eyes upwards and making little shruggy movements with my shoulders) so much. Why do we get on so well?
I think, and Lord knows I could be wrong, that I like you because, despite my leftish tendencies, I understand you. I grew up in Northern Ireland, where we fully understood that, whatever your politics, the most immediate and unambiguous exercise of your democratic rights is A Bullet In The Right Place. Especially if you could afford to get somebody else to do it for you.
And does terrorism ever win? Martin McGuinness is Minister of Education. Armalite to Armani. Yay.
Davy,
So… uh… is that a vote for Cho?
I KNOW WHO MY NEW ENEMY IS IT STARTS WITH I AND ENDS WITH MOE
ok i went to cho’s site and tried to read a little but got bored. if you pick her as your enemy i’m worried your posts will either quote her a bunch or won’t make sense if i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t want to know anything about her! and i don’t want to read quotes of her talking! so i vote against her.
Uh, yeah, Frank. I got this steel plate in my head.
Wow. Thanks to Cho, I now know that Whil Wheaton has his own blog. Who knew? Who the fu** cares??
I just visited Margaret Cho’s blog. Gross! Please don’t expose us to her! Find somebody who is at the very least articulate. That’s all I have to say about that.
I say you go after Quietwater.blogspot.com. HTey bash my blog all the time, I need soem filthy lies to help me out.
Davy, a word of advice: Don’t go near any magnetic door locks.
MonkeyPants
Imperial Minion
Become your own enemy. Write trash about IMAO. Two sided Frank. Wait you would kinda be copying Howard Dean. Actually cho is who I would pick but I thought, Frank she isn’t funny. We need someone who will fall in our little trap then we can make a T.V. show about how Frank pokes fun innocent bloggers. Point being I vote against cho.
Ben: did Apple release the iMoe recently or something?
Frank:
Don’t do it! Cho is crap! And she ain’t funny. And lay off Goldberg. he wanders off the righteous path sometimes, but he is o.k.
Go get Franken or Kerry. (Actually, that sounds like a morning drive team: “Franken and Kerry in the morning”)
Or Chicago. Ah! Nothing like Chicago on a crisp
(-10 degrees)winter day, with a nice 35 mph breeze off the lake. Yeah, Bob’s right. To hell with Chicago!
mikey
Thank You Mikey!
’bout time someone noticed that Chicago needs a good dealin’ with. Frank’s the guy to do it!
If not Margaret Cho why not some of those suddenly popular left wing blogs.
Like Daily Kos (which now gets more traffic than Instapundit)
Eschaton
Smirking Chimp
Calpundit
Tom Tomorrow etc etc.
Since Chicago keeps coming up, I’m going to vote early and often for Anybody But Cho.
No Cho!
No Cho!
Go after all the campaign blogs instead. And Chicago. I just watched the movie. It was really good. In a battle between Roxie Hart and Aquaman, Roxie Hart would shoot Aquaman dead then become famous.
Have you given much thought to a palace revolution?
Just asking.
One word, Barbarastreisand.
Making Margret the next Cho-sen target would be like stalking the illusive cow.Tally vote two for Barbrastreisand.(Just please no mp3s)
Frank, the battle against Glenn isn’t over until the fake quotes defeat Instapundit for #1 Google result.
I shall be your enemy, IMAO… or as i call you, ISUCK
Not Cho, you need a better enemy than Rosanne Barr Lite
I went to her blog and examined all her links carefully. No IMAO.
Wouldn’t the polite thing to do be to write and warn her that she must link to you now? Maybe give her one last chance to avoid war?
I mean, she’s anti-war and all that, right?
Just a thought. (I just love peaces to pieces!)
Conquering the universe — one planet at a time!
This is a special day at Classical Values. World Blogosphere Peace has finally been achieved! PEACE IN OUR TIME! Therefore today’s online tests are offered in the spirit of Globalism, maybe even Universalism! It’s a relief that the Blog War…
I say it’s high time to drop the battle against Glenn. Anyone who’s wife looks like this:
http://www.instapundit.com/archives/013831.php
Can’t be all bad!
Wow!
Spnak Frnak!
Frank –
Al “Goggle Guy” Franken is the logical target – even though he’s not really very amusing.
The big problem is: There just AREN’t any funny liberal writers – even Davy is pretty lame, plus he’s small change, anyway.
I think you should organize a campaign to boycott Jennifer Love Hewitt until she does a nice long nude scene.
Cho is MUCH too easy a target. Witness from her 2/10/04 blog (re: Grammy night):
“When Yoko Ono appeared onstage and accepted the award for The Beatles, I stood up and cried and cried, because seeing Yoko in person is completely an emotional experience for me. To be in the same room with her, even if it is the cavernous Staples Center, is to be in the presence of true greatness. She is not only a tremendous artist in her own right…”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Yoko Ono could NEVER, and I mean NEVER, be considered a “tremendous artist” by any stretch of the imagination. I’d rather be entombed in a welping pen full of chihuahuas than listen to the bile that spews across her mummified lips.