The Domestic Applications of S.M.I.T.E.

I still haven’t got any funding for my S.M.I.T.E. space laser concept, so I figured I better produce yet another graphic illustration of the uses of S.M.I.T.E. beyond just defeating terrorism.

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  1. I like Josh’s idea. Make sure S.M.I.T.E. has different settings so you can have fun with your victim before he either repents or gets turned to a heap of ashes.
    Your cartoons are sooo cool, you should do one everyday. I don’t care if you don’t have the time, young man. You make time!

  2. For the sake of potential investors I feel I have to ask: Does the SMITE beam blast enemies into smouldering piles of dust, or turn them into stinky lumps of doggie doo? From the schematic it’s hard to tell which.
    It’s kind of important from a cost perspective, especially if we plan on zapping every leftist in the country. If the liberal residue is just dust, fine; dust blows away. But if it’s a pile of doggie doo we’re going to have to add an army of pooper-scoopers into our cost estimate.
    S

  3. Here’s another possible application. Wrap a frozen burrito in heavy-duty foil. On the back side write the words “I support John Kerry”
    Hand it to a democrat and tell them to turn it over and read the words out loud.
    After the lazer strikes, dig through the ashes and recover your perfectly heated burrito.
    (This should also work re-heating pizza from last night.)

  4. Okay, before anyone says anything – no, I didn’t find my comment so witty that I felt the need to post it twice…my computer farted, brought up some kind of goofy error message and then posted that message twice…please forgive…

  5. krautstink,
    don’t get paranoid, it was just a lucky guess. Oh, by the way can you please face the lamp and speak more clearly when you talk on the phone? Do you REALLY think that shirt goes with those pants?

  6. We need some way to better mark Kerry supporters. I mean, I know not to stand to close to a gun-powder smelling hippie, but what about those sneaky well dressed democrats? I don’t want to get accidentally va-poo-rized by SMITE!

  7. One thing you might consider in the design of S.M.I.T.E. is satellite vulnerability. Once the orbital path is known, concerned individuals will be able to calculate satellite vulnerability, thereby avoiding potential targeting. To eliminate this possibility, I recommend using the “John Kerry algorithm” in the guidance computer. This algorithm would constantly change the orbital path, thereby, making prediction of vulnerability very improbable.

  8. I think dressing up a Kerry supporter in capri pants and a beret would be more appropriate. Also, think of incorporating feces into the cartoon because thats a very common attribute on the pants of a leftist individual.

  9. Different SMITE Settings
    SLAP
    BITCH-SLAP
    KICK TO CURB
    SLAM
    POUND
    EMULSIFY
    EVISCERATE
    EXANGUINATE
    WARM
    SIMMER
    BLANCHE
    SMOLDER
    SEAR
    FUSE
    FLAMBE
    CHAR
    INCINERATE
    DISINTEGRATE
    RUMSFELD
    CHOMPS I
    CHOMPS II

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