…if it weren’t for the little holes on in the view-window of the microwave, your brain would explode as you stared at your pasta reheating.
…the amount of pork Ted Kennedy has eaten in his lifetime has done more to help small farmers than any farm bill he helped pass.
…if you walk up to William Shatner and yell, “Denny Crane!” he’ll punch you a little less hard if you walked to him and did that Vulcan salute thing with the fingers.
…my living will states that a loaded gun will be placed in my hand in case someone tries to remove my feeding tube.
…you’ll die sad and lonely.
…car alarms, in their existence, have prevented hardly any auto thefts and caused over a hundred second degree murders.
…the most powerful martial art is Ching-Ching Pow.
…the reason Riemann Hypothesis has never been proven is because it’s wrong.
…quantum physics is proof that, when God was trying to get the laws of the universe to work together, at some point He finally just gave up and exclaimed, “Aww, @#$% this!”
…God can swear all he wants because He’s God.
…the male platypus is poisonous and a total freak of nature.
…you burn more calories chewing celery than you gain from eating.
…the same can’t be said for the ranch dressing you dip it in, fat ass.
…the corporation Microsoft has gotten where it is today though hard work, by offering a superior product, and because of the will of Satan.
…nothing can ever be “proved.”
…including the previous statement.
…the word “ninja” wasn’t coined until the 70’s.
…that didn’t keep them from killing people well before then.
…you are currently contributing to entropy that will lead to the heat-death of the universe.
…it’s within the laws of physics that the atoms of whatever you’re currently sitting on or standing on could line up in such a way that you could fall right through it as if it didn’t exist.
…if that happens to you, please tell me.
…or have your next of kin tell me.
…but don’t e-mail me.
…it’s illegal in most states to set a hippy on fire.
…if you dive for cover while firing two gun simultaneously, your accuracy will be significantly decreases and your coolness will significantly increase.
…I don’t believe in ghosts but I still wish I had bullets to shoot them with.
…or a shot shell.
…the little girl in The Exorcist got possessed because she played with a Ouija board.
…I once played with an Ouija board at school and then a demon tried to possess me. I scared it away by hitting it on the nose.
…the phrase “The Power of Christ compels you!” is such more elegant than “Get out of that girl ‘fore Jesus kicks your ass, you @#$% devil.”
…Pope John Paul II has done numerous exorcisms.
…I don’t know what phrase he uses.
…if your car is spinning out, steer with the spin.
…or against the spin.
…well, just don’t slam on the brakes.
…Protestants and Catholics have different versions of the Ten Commandments.
…either way, don’t murder anyone.
…if someone comes running at you with an ax, check to see if he’s a fireman, because, if he isn’t, he might mean you harm.
…some times ax is spelled “axe.” Anyone ever do a cost saving analysis on not using these unneeded letters?
…I know they cost me one byte of storage space a piece.
…half a byte is a nibble.
…half a nibble is a crumb.
…half a crumb is a bit.
…half a bit is just crazy.
…a nibble corresponds to one hex digits.
…42 converted to hex is 2A.
…there is also the octal number system, but I’ve never seen anyone use it.
…if you use it in front of me, I’ll punch you.
…having typed this much, I’d be surprised if one homophone error doesn’t slip by me.
…and I don’t care.
…Jesus loves you.
…I can’t vouch for anyone else’s feelings.
These are great! Funny stuff, Frank J.!
First, BTW. I always wanted to do the “FIRST” comment post thing. Now that I’ve done it, it’s kind of a big let down. I don’t feel good about it at all.
Oh, hell, now my whole dang day is ruined!
But if you couldn’t dip a celery stick in bacon fat, who the heck would eat it. I mean gravy covered vegetables are the only was some people are going to get their roughage and vitamins. It seems that the lesser of the two evils is to let them put the sauce on their salad. Maybe Jim Bean would work? Er, second!
posting drunk again, eh Frank?
Catholics rewrote the 10 Commandments. And the Protestants protested.
What if I pile up all of the papers on my desk in a neat little pile while I am sitting here. Wouldn’t that decrease the entropy and kind of even it out a bit?
According to this site, 42 in Octal is “064062.”
Seems somewhat inefficient.
Speaking 42, the Hitchiker’s Movie is only months away!
I love your bits of wisdom. You mind must wander in a lot of different directions…not all directions pertain to earth and sanity however.
Andy,
According to the scientific mode of the Microsoft calculator, 42 in octal is 52.
581 + 2*80 = 58 + 2*1 = 40 + 2 = 42
According to Steve Jobs Microsoft got where it is today because Bill Gates is a “Thief”, Gates responded that it was because he was being “Innovative” and then promptly puchased 5% share in Apple Computer.
…the phrase “The Power of Christ compels you!” is such more elegant than “Get out of that girl ‘fore Jesus kicks your ass, you @#$% devil.”
Just a magnificent statement of which I will think about all day while laughing hysterically, thank you.
I thought “axe” was a verb. As in…
“If you haff to axe if I want a nuttha beer, you don know me good.”
the most powerful martial art is Ching-Ching Pow?
I thought it was schlack-schlack BOOM!
…half a bit is just crazy. ba-dum-chink!
don’t you people know how to use rim shots?
What states is it legal to burn hippies in? I belive it’s legal in Texas but would like to be sure.
…having typed this much, I’d be surprised if one homophone error doesn’t slip by me.
They’re not errors you intolorent bigot, they’re people just like…
gets tapped on shoulder
Just a second…
whisper
What…
whisper
Really…
whisper
Oh…
Uh, sorry about that…
“In Latin, of course.”
And as we all know, “ass” in Latin is “assus”
Octal was actually a numbering system developed by the thumbless spider monkeys of Central and South America.
Octal is a very useful system for some things. You are probably looking at a graphical system developed with it right now – if you think about it for a few seconds, you’ll know why.
…it’s illegal in most states to set a hippy on fire.
I knew you were making up the things on this list.
Heh heh heh. Illegal to set fire to a hippy. Everybody knows you made that up.
42d=52o
’42’=the other one
Hope that cleared things up.
As an old octal hand (built a heathkit H8 in 1980 – it had a hexidicmal keypad that you used to enter octal values!!!)
42 would be 052. The reason — you need three digits to represent a byte in octal.
255 = FF = 377
65535 = FF FF = 377 377
Of course one should always proofread a comment to FrankJ, so…
…the H8 had a hexidecimal keypad…
additionally
255 = FF = 377
65535 = FF FF = 377 377
65535 = FFFF = 177777
…but you couldn’t enter 177777 because you had to enter values as high byte, low byte.
Am I boring yet?
Bob Meyers
Nice shout out to John Derbyshire Frank.
Not many people use octal but it makes for a great geek joke. ‘Why do nerds confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because 31 oct=25 dec.’
101010
the only numbers you will ever need
2B or NOT 2B = FF
“Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean everyone isn’t out to get you.”
If I use octal in front of you will you punch me more or less hard than Shattner and that Vulcan salute thing.
But the best binary joke is:
“There are 10 types of people, those that understand binary and those that don’t”
What happens if you ask Shatner to sing Rocket Man?
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2654003?ifilmp=99&refsite=6721&htv=12&htv=12
Then what happens if you need material for your animated show?
http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/24771/
No one has really offered up a convincing explanation why 69, of all numbers, should receive such disproportionate mention; the scientific community, however, currently leans toward it having something to do with the curious coincidence that 69 hexadecimal is 105 decimal and 69 decimal is 105 octal.
Yeah Chrismas is Halloween.
[/octal joke]
For those who don’t get it.
Dec 25 = Oct 31
The calories you burn from eating celery result more from the digestive process than from chewing, according to the
Urban Legends Reference Pages
Well, Frank, don’t punch me, but if you’ve ever run the ‘chmod’ command on a *nix machine, then you’ve used octal.
Unless you use those wussie SysV arguments. If the hippies at Berkeley can figure out how to use octal, then shouldn’t we all? They’re not smarter than we is, is they?
On your “axe” comment, GM in the 1980’s thought they could save money by changing the spelling of ’employee’ to ’employe,’ thinking that the last ‘e’ was unnecessary, and with the number of times that people typed the word they should see a productivity gain.
What actually happened was people inside and outside the company spent a lot of time telling them that they kept misspelling the word. Plus, it kept showing up in spellchecks (when they became available).
True story.