The Democrats are trying to select a Majority Leader. Pelosi wants him to be Murtha while others want Hoyer. Let’s look at the two candidates:
Murtha: He wants to move all our Middle East operations to Okinawa because he’s senile and then take bribes from Arabs (after he gets to know them better).
Hoyer: Don’t know a thing a about him; I don’t even know what he looks like. I could be spelling his name wrong.
Breaking down the facts like that, I think it becomes obvious that Hoyer is the better choice. But I would offer the Democrats a third option: a gorilla.
Democrats have the perception of being weak, but gorillas are known for being strong. Next time the Democrats are criticized for being soft on terror, they can respond, “Yeah, well we have a gorilla as our majority leader; how do you like them apples? Doesn’t sound so weak to me. What do you Republicans have?”
And the Republicans would be flustered and be like, “Well… uh… we have Denny Hastert. He was a wrestling coach.”
And the Democrats would laugh and say, “Wrestling? You mean men grabbing each other? That sounds gay.”
And the Republicans would look at their feet and sigh, “Yeah, I guess it does.”
And the Democrats would be like, “pwn3d!”
As for the Republican leadership, they’re making Trent Lott the Senate minority whip. That’s the guy who whips the Senators who aren’t working very hard (that’s a lot of whipping!). Many people are talking about how bad a choice Trent Lott is, but they’re forgetting all the good things about him.
GOOD THINGS ABOUT TRENT LOTT
* His name is a palindrome.
* If splashed with water, he can grow to three times his normal size.
* He can name all 50 states and their capitals.
He will be a good minority whip; he better just not whip minorities because we’ve had plenty of racism scandals lately.
I think this new leadership will be tons of fun. Sure, the way it’s turning out is a bit like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic – really old chairs that have been there a long while – but… uh…
Yay new leadership!
His name is a palindrome? What? Sorta depends on your definition of palindrome, doesn’t it?
TRENT LOTT=TTOL TNERT
Doesn’t look like a palindrome to me.
Ok, so Trent Lott is now a “Minority Leader”? Isn’t that going to be a problem since he doesn’t like Negroes very much? Irony is a beautiful thing!
Yet you don’t dispute the growing three times his size…
I am offended by the use of the term Minority for the Losers. Why not just call them Losers like I do all Minorities
Frank,
That’s cause I KNOW about palindromes…he MIGHT grow to three times his size…
8-P
If Dems have any brain cells left after all the parties they threw after the gains in Congress. Then Murtha is not going to get a sniff.
Then again this comes from the assumption that some Democrats still have brains to beggin with. We might be doomed.
I thought John Murtha WAS a (albino) gorilla.
Screw the gorilla! What about the evil monkey? Anyone who got out of line would have their eyeballs eaten. I would definitely start watching C-SPAN if there was the chance that an evil monkey would eat Congressional eyeballs.
Perhaps the evil monkey and the Rumsfeld Strangler could have a cage match at some point. That would be sweet!
Personally, I’d like to thank the Republicans for adding just one more FU to us conservatives, by backing up a losing election by bringing back the most spineless man in politics (which is really, really saying something)…Trent Lott.
Funny post Frank. Made me laugh.
For those of you who aren’t seeing the hidden trap in spelling Lott’s name backwards, BE CAREFUL! It might have the Candyman effect. It’s already going to be hard enough to get him out of Congress, so how much harder will it be to get him back to the phantom zone!?
My party is going to the dogs. I think it might be time to register as an independent. sigh
I was hoping that he turned into s car when splashed with water. Turbo Lott.
Or a bunch of Gremlins would pop off of him.
SkyeChild… hey join the rest of us the REST of the Democratic party here in the Independent camp. Say hi to Joe Liberman when you go through the door.
Hoyer referred to Michael Steele’s support for the Republican Party as “slavish.”
Nice.
All I have to say is: remember Kelly Flinn and power sharing? Two items backed by Trent Loss, the wimpiest Republican since Lincoln Chafee.
Wasn’t Trent Lott in favor of the Fairness Doctrine? If so, then I would guess he and the Democrats have something they can agree on right away.
I suspect he hates IMAO too. Will Frank J be required to give equal time to trolls?
Wasn’t Trent Lott a cheerleader or something? I’m not sayin’…I’m just sayin’…but shouldn’s someone check his emails? At least there aren’t that many negroes in the Senate and it’s harder to tell the Jooooos so he might do ok…
Load your weapons.
A gorilla is only a BIG Evil Monkey. We can take it down just like King Kong.
Watch it try to climb the Twin Towers.
Future Man here: Nobody in 2020 gives a f***.
{Ted, you can’t use that word here. — Ed.}
Pingback: IMAO: Time Traveller? or: What Gozer Round Comes Around