I got my hair highlighted and cut today, so I feel pretty. So I decided to come out of hiding and finally post a picture of me. A recent, up-to-date picture of me. From today. To counteract all that Frankiness from yesterday.

Red Ted Turner takes a jab at Rupert Murdoch:

But don’t ask him to share warm feelings about Rupert Murdoch, chairman of News Corp., or Time Warner Inc., which purchased Turner Broadcasting System Inc. in 1996.
“There is one person I don’t like,” he said of Murdoch.
Turner lambasted Murdoch – whose net worth is $7.7 billion, according to Forbes magazine.
“He gives nothing to charity,” said Turner, whose net worth is estimated at $1.9 billion.

So, whats the example we get as a charitable contribution?

Cable-industry legend Ted Turner has traveled the globe urging friendship instead of fighting.
He even donated $1 billion over the past nine years to the United Nations to promote world peace.

One look at Kosovo, Haiti, Lebanon, Sudan, Rwanda, Cyprus, Gaza and countless other places in the globe and you’ll quickly see that it’s not exactly peace that’s the end-product of the local agents of the United Nations.
People tend to end up in pieces when the UN comes to town.
But when it comes to Turner’s jabs at Murdoch for not giving anything to charity, well technically, neither has Turner.
Grandma always said get out the dictionary:

1. generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless: to devote one’s life to charity.
   Unless I’m mistaken, Ted’s money goes in the UN General fund, not earmarked specifically for UNESCO or UNICEF or WFP or other programmes anybody reading the UN News Feed will recognize in their all-caps BUTTCRACKISTAN IN DIRE NEED OF FOOD AFTER DROUGHT, EARTHQUAKE, YANKEES LOSS.
   Even a contribution directly to UNRWA might accidentally end up with a portion of it acting as something remotely resembling charity by a Western standard.
   But paying the inflated salaries of meddling techocrats in New York, Geneva and countless other cities with no other purpose but to research, generate, organize, debate, and distribute proclamations and condemnations is hardly an attempt to aid the poor.
2. something given to a person or persons in need; alms: She asked for work, not charity.
   Ever seen the retirement packages of those UN bureaucrats? I’d hardly consider those people in need of much at all.
3. a charitable act or work.
   Writing a check and appearing at a few banquets in his honor isn’t what I’d call work. Running a news network, even if it’s to promote an anti-American agenda, is work. Might even work up a sweat doing it.
   But we’ve already established that the UN itself is hardly a charity.
4. a charitable fund, foundation, or institution: He left his estate to a charity.
   Not only is he the benefactor of a non-charitable organization, but he even set up a foundation to write the checks for him. He just hands checks over to Kofi, maybe with a hand-slap when Kofi tries to make a grab for it.
5. benevolent feeling, esp. toward those in need or in disfavor: She looked so poor that we fed her out of charity.
   Hrm… take a look at the votes in the UN General Assembly.
   Tell me who’s in disfavor (hint: starts with I) and how much Ted has given them.
6. leniency in judging others; forbearance: She was inclined to view our selfish behavior with charity.
   Ted’s comments on Rupert Murdoch kinda shoots the hell out of that one.
7. Christian love; agape.
   Read some of the statements coming out of OIC, Non Aligned Movement, and Arab League representatives and tell me how Christian the sentiment is over there in Turtle Bay.

Sorry, Ted. 0 for 7.
Bye bye, now.

From a purely Milton Friedman perspective on the economy, the money supply just decreased by the two quarters they’ll use to cover his eyes.

Continue reading ‘RIP Milton Friedman’ »

Poor Murtha. Not getting elected Majority Leader has to hurt. Let’s remember the good times with him by looking back on some of his best quotes:
“I just swallowed my socks and now my feet are cold.”
“You’re really the FBI?! Well… will you bribe me?”
“Sorry I missed this vote. I saw some scary looking teenagers on the street so I hid in my care until they went away.”
“Get those cameras away from me! YOU’RE STEALING MY SOUL!”
“I put my shirt on backwards and now my neck is itchy.”
“I have the votes! A leprechaun told me so!”
“There is a monkey in the Capitol and he stole my pills!”
“Our troops are murders! Murderers! And one of them put a computer chip in my brain! It keeps telling me to eat my vegetables, but I don’t want to eat them! Get this chip out of my brain!”
“I think the Republicans might beat us on this bill. We better run away!”
“If you break open a Magic Eight Ball and drink what’s inside, you see the future!”
“Okinawa is in Japan? When did we move it there?”
“I just took a total crap in my pants!”

Man, this rebuke of Murtha could hurt the Democrats’ plans to cut and run. I mean, Murtha was all the time, “Let’s run away like little girls! I have a place in Okinawa we can hide out where the terrorists won’t find us!”
And the Kwazy Kos Kids were all like, “Yay! Someone with a real strategy for Iraq!”
But now Murtha’s majority leader prospects just cut and ran into a wall. Who will be the leading voice against our military, trying to ruin all their effort and really really piss them off? Can Hoyer do that? I don’t think he has the patented Murtha senility. Neither does Hoyer have the tireless spirit and innovation of Murtha. Murtha was known to crap his pants rather than waste the time heading to the restrooms. That’s dedication.
And now that cut and run has taken a blow, the Kwazy Kos Kids are going to be throwing their poo at the computer screen in anger while yelling, “We want America to lose! We want it to lose now! Why can’t we be beacon of civilization like Iran?”
And what does this mean for Pelosi? She’s the new Speaker, the leader of Congress, yet the Dems all went against her choice for Majority Leader. That’s weak. One of these days, people are just going to have to finally learn that women can’t lead.

Q: Where in the world is the reigning national beauty queen a member of that nation’s armed forces?

Continue reading ‘Armed Beauty Queens’ »

In a stunning rebuke to Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, Democrats voted to bypass John “I’ve Got the Votes” Murtha in favor of someone with actual experience. Maryland representative Steny Hoyer is now the Majority Leader.
Said Murtha, “We’re still looking at the exit polling data and we’ll figure out if we are going to ask for a recount.”
Some critics argue that this defeat is a stinging rebuke to Nancy Pelosi and her minutes of leadership. Spoke one Democrat, who refused to be indentified, “We wanted to send a message that we felt we were moving in the wrong direction.” Nancy stressed that everything will move on as usual. Hoyer will become Majority Leader and John Murtha will go back to be a doddering old fool.

And why wouldn’t he.
Here’s a special IMAO Exclusive. A Murtha Vote 4 Me Poster.

There’s going to be like some contest for best humor blog. Someone should nominate us for it.