Feldmann installation : Visitors look at a light installation by artist Karl Feldmann projected on Dresden’s Frauenkirche (Church of Our Lady) as part of the festivities to celebrate Dresden’s 800th anniversary. (AFP/DDP/Norbert Millauer)
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Archive of entries posted on 29th November 2006
Pope Whatshisname Reaches Out To Religion Of Peace . . .
I Thought the Excessive Shooting of Black People Was Supposed to End When Giuliani Left Office
I missed when this story first broke because I was on vacation when it happened, but my understanding is that five police officers fired on three unarmed black youths (not a euphemism for “Muslims” in this case, I think) for some reason or another – but most likely because they were black. Now, police shoot black people all the time for no reason, but what makes this significant is that only two of the officers were white while one was Hispanic and the other two were black themselves (and I think still are). That means we had a number of races united in hating and killing black people for no reason. That to me seems to indicate we’re finally getting past our primitive racist impulses and uniting as one beautiful people.
Still, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are trying to make this a racial incident because that’s how they make the money. You can call them lots of things, but you can’t call them lazy. They’d squeeze racism out of a stone if they had to. And now we have this new player City Councilmember Charles Barron calling for violence against police officers. I don’t think that’s a wise idea. New York City police officers tend to unload their guns into you even without violent provocation, so who knows what they’ll do if you actually attack them.
My favorite part of this is little Bloomberg condemning the incident based on only knowing how many shots were fired. Bloomberg just has that hard-boiled look to him where you can tell he’s been in countless shootouts and knows exactly how they should play out. The race pimps aren’t satisfied with Bloomberg’s condemnation of the incident, though, but maybe he can placate them better by presenting them a lollipop while dancing and singing a song.
All in all, this seems like a very tragic event surrounded by a big clown show. Anyone who criticizes the cops is chickenhawk, though, unless he himself is willing to put on a uniform and shoot at black people.
Hopefully Soon Blood Will Be Drawn
Sadly, No! is now trying to set the terms for round two of the photoshop duel. Eh. Hopefully that will turn out interesting.
So what is that site? My understanding is that it’s supposed to be a left-wing humor site but it really seems more like just free-form poetry. I think they do logo clean up, though, which is good because I didn’t know what I was doing when I put the moon behind our logo and now the IMAO letters are pixilated on the edges.
Maybe I should just replace our logo with another ad…
Any ideas for other rounds? Maybe who can do the best representation of what Michael Moore would look like if he were thin (he’s fat).
In My World: A Punch to the Face
“All I’m saying is that we need a draft because our military is full of morons,” Representative Charlie Rangel told Chris Wallace. “Most who join the military are people who wandered into a recruiting office thinking it was a candy store and then were too stupid to figure out how to use the door knob to get out. By drafting smarter people into the military, we’ll free up the mentally handicapped who currently serve so they can go back to sweeping the floors at McDonalds.”
“Do you really think it’s wise to talk about the troops in such a demeaning way?” Wallace asked.
“We Democrats made our complete and utter contempt for the military clear before the election and take the result of the election to mean that the American people share our contempt for the inbred morons we now have risking their lives overseas.”
President Bush shut off the TV. “I wish that man would just SHUT UP!”
Tony Snow nodded. “What he’s saying is pretty despicable.”
“Oh, I was just talking about his voice; it’s so annoying and raspy.” Bush looked to Tony with concern. “Why? What was he saying? Was it about me?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I have to explain to the press how you missed your last speech because you got trapped in a bathroom stall again.”
“Okay, but have you seen Rummy around?”
“I believe he was last seen being lead away by police as the suspect for a long series of serial killings.”
Bush chuckled. “That wacky Rummy; what mischief will he get into next.”
Tony left and a group of fat Republican Congressman smoking cigars entered the Oval Office. Bush looked at his schedule. “I’m supposed to meet with the new Republican leadership now, but you guys look like the old leadership.”
“Ha!” Roy Blunt laughed, his belly shaking like a bowl full of tax money. “We didn’t see any reason to change leadership. We’re the Republican Party and we know what’s best.”
“But won’t the base be unhappy with no changes after the big election loss?” Bush asked.
“Our response to the Republican base will be to punch them in the face, knock them down into a puddle, spit on them, and then yell, ‘What are you going to do? Start your own party?'” Blunt and the rest of the Congressman then laughed.
Bush thought for a moment. “I don’t think they’ll like that.”
“So what? What are they going to do? Start their own party?” Representative Boehner demanded.
Bush shrugged. “Yeah, I guess they can’t do that. It’s not like they’re going to vote for whatever dyed blue freak holding a ferret the Libertarians are fielding either.” He then noticed Trent Lott was with the group. “Hey, I thought he got thrown out of leadership years ago.”
“But I’m back now!” Lott exclaimed. “And I’m the new minority whip in the Senate!” He pulled out a whip and cracked it in the air. “That’s right! I’m going to whip me some minorities! Gonna whip the black right off ’em!”
Blunt shrugged. “We’ll talk to him.”
“So what are we going to do about the border issue?” Bush asked. “Everyone keeps yelling at me over that one.”
Blunt thought about it. “Well, I mentioned how we are going to punch the Republican base in the face. I guess we can also yell at them to stop hating brown people. It’s not like we want to stop Mexicans from getting in here; if we don’t get more of them, who will cut my lawn? You?”
“Sure, I can do it,” Bush said. “With my new lame duck status, I have more free time.”
“Nah… you’d do it all wrong. It has to be done my Mexicans.”
Bush shook his head. “I dunno. A lot of people are going to get angry if we don’t at least pretend to do something about illegal immigration.”
“I’ll stop the Mexicans!” Lott shouted. “I’ll whip the chalupas right out of their hands.” He cracked his whip some more.
Bush looked back towards Blunt. “You are going to talk to him, right?”
“Eh, I don’t see any reason to worry. Remember, all we have to do is be better than the Democrats. That’s like trying to out run an invalid; why even break a sweat?”
“I guess that makes sense. Does Rove approve of all of this?”
The hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “Everything is going according to plan.”
“And you do have an actual plan, right?” Bush asked. “This isn’t like how Battlestar Gallatica starts by saying the Cylons have a plan but with each new episode you doubt that even more?”
Karl Rove laughed an evil laugh and disappeared back into the shadows.
“Well, we better get back to work,” Blunt said. “It’s not like the Republican base will punch themselves. Isn’t that right, Representative Coca-Cola?”
A Congressman nodded in approval.
Bush furrowed his brow. “Representative Coca-Cola?”
“I sold my last name out as advertising space!” Coca-Cola said.
“Is that a conflict of interest?”
Coca-Cola began to advance on Bush, but Blunt grabbed his shoulder. “We’re not allowed to punch him in the face.”
The Congressmen left and Bush sat down at his desk and took a Nintendo DS out of a drawer. “Man, this job got less stressful when I realized that, whether I’m achieving great things or I’m a lame duck who spends all day playing videogames, I still get paid the same.”
Judge Demands that Radio Be More Available to Deaf People
Today, a judge declared that radio is unfair to Deaf people. Radio has 90 days to figure out how to make itself available to those who are hard of hearing.
Said the judge, “After I thought about how paper money is unfair to blind people, I started thinking about how other people with less-than-abilities could benefit from my help. Since the public owns the airwaves, it’s only logical that they be made readily available to everyone to avoid any inconvenience. Even if they can’t hear.”
Said a spokesman for the American Association for Deaf People Who Want Radios (AADPWWR), “This is an important statement and this judge showed excellent judgement. There are deaf people out there who don’t know what they’re listening to. Many times, deaf people try to listen and enjoy the radio but accidentally end up listening to either static or Air America.”
Air America and static have been fighting a vicious ratings war in the last year.
No statement was available from any of the radio stations who might be impacted by this recommendation.
Buy My Book and Support the Troops
I felt kinda bad taking money just for signing books, but I don’t want to make it free so I have to sign every book. So, now the extra $5 goes to Spirit of America, and an anonymous donor is matching that $5 contribution (up to a $1000 total) so that $10 is donated for each signed copy. Go order a signed copy and help support the troops’ mission. Also, make sure to tell me what message you want in the autograph. As always, it will include a self-portrait, though for that portrait it will be important to remember that hat means Frank J. (the reminder will be included with the portrait).
Also, my post about why a wall on the border is a dumb idea is up at Right Wing News.
Today’s Simpsons Trivia
1) In a “Treehouse of Horror” episode, who gets turned into a fly?
2) Who is the son of carny Cooter?
3) What is the name of Snake’s car?
4) How do you spell Apu’s last name?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
IMAO Around Town
I’m guest-blogging at Right Wing News today, and I’ve already done one little post and plan a longer post about border security for later. I’m still planning to post a new In My World™ here later today, though.
Also, make sure to support your local photoshopper as he duels with Gavin M. of the left-wing site Unfunny? Yes! Victory will be ours and then I’ll get his site to host more of my ads!